'American Gladiators': Anyone for some whine?

Every week the Hulkster says it, and every week it's just as cheesy. It's true, but it's cheesy -- welcome to "American Gladiator Monday!"

I think that one of the reasons the show is so much fun is that it mixes the cheese and the sport just right. The majority of the Gladiators are appropriately over-the-top (especially the men), the backstories of the contestants appropriately schmaltzy, and when they get to the action it's hard-hitting. Sure, I'd like to see a little more action and a little less talk, maybe that'll happen next season. I doubt it, but maybe.

The men got started first and played Gauntlet. Evan, a retail manager, had the honor of going up against the four gladiators first and with four-tenths of a second left got passed Justice and threw the wall for the full 10 points. Evan's opponent, Son, a firefighter, did a great leapfrog move to get passed the first Gladiator, Titan, and while he got through two more, Justice stopped him. Son finished up with 6 points.

Up next the men had Pyramid. Evan made a couple of great moves, but was always stopped by Wolf just before he could get any points. Son got viciously thrown down once, and never got near the top. During Assault, Evan picked up 10 points by hitting the bulls-eye, but Son had no such luck, only getting off one shot (and earning one point) before getting knocked out. The last event for the men prior to the Eliminator was the Wall, both men made it to the top, with Evan reaching first for 10 points to Son's 5.

Evan had a huge 9 second head start in the Eliminator, which would be more than enough. Evan's final time, 1:29, was the best to date, and guaranteed him a spot in the next round, knocking Adonis out. Son may have been a good competitor, but it really didn't come through tonight. From the beginning, Evan performed far better, and except for one event never allowed Son an opening to catch up.

For the women's first contest they scaled the Wall. Christine, a Mortgage Broker, went up one side with Venom chasing her, while Jennifer, a lawyer who also plays pro football in a women's league, had Siren on her heels. Jennifer was quickly caught by Siren, who, inexplicably, waited about five seconds and let Jennifer climb a little more before putting her in the water. Christine lasted on the Wall for a longer period but was eventually pulled off. Not an auspicious start for either side.

The women played Earthquake next and went up against my personal favorite Gladiator (as I've said before), Crush. Jennifer quickly found herself hanging by the wire at the edge of the platform before Crush stepped on her head, forcing her to the floor (Jennifer whined about how kicking wasn't allowed during her post-round interview). Christine couldn't knock Crush off, but got 5 for not going off herself. Just prior to starting Assault, the ref ruled that Jennifer's whine was accurate and that she deserved 5 points for Crush's foot move during Earthquake. With her spirits improved, Jennifer hit the bulls-eye for 10 points. Christine, sadly for her, only got three points before her time ran out. For their last pre-Eliminator event the women played Hit and Run (my least favorite event). Christine nabbed 10 points and even getting hit by the bags didn't seem to bother her. During her turn Jennifer also did well, picking up 8 points before Hellga's ball knocked her into the water.

Jennifer had a two and a half second lead, but again whined about her problems. Apparently she was starting to feel sick because of the number of times she got knocked into the water (let's see, by my count it was all of twice). Wow, way to make an excuse ahead of time and cover yourself in case you lose. During the run, Christine moved ahead at the cargo net but completely stalled at the Travelator. Jennifer caught her there and after several unsuccessful attempts made it to the top, beating Christine. Her time however was not good enough to make it to the next round. Good riddance to whiny rubbish.

Another couple of thoughts:

• I like Alison Sweeney as much as the next person, maybe more, but was it necessary to show her in the audience and promo The Biggest Loser? Has American Gladiators turned into a sporting event on Fox?
• What was up with Siren not grabbing Jennifer the moment she caught up on the Wall? It was as though Siren wanted Jennifer to get away from her. Either that or she felt bad that Jennifer had climbed so slowly and wanted to make her feel better.
• I try to like most of the contestants, really I do, but there are some that just rub me the wrong way. Jennifer may have had a point with Crush's foot to the head, but the way in which she protested it was really unpleasant. No? Am I wrong? Didn't she just irritate you?

You know what's never irritating (okay, I'm sure it is, but we'll not discuss those bits), The TV and Film Guy's Reviews.

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