Poor Josh -- he picked the wrong time to go on a top-secret mission. He's been wondering for weeks why every episode of Kitchen Nightmares has to have one readily identifiable villain, and we finally had an episode that deviated from the formula. There wasn't a single villain in this piece -- there were at least three, maybe four. 

Enjoy your spoilers with mint and chocolate sauce!

Our restaurant of the week is Lela's, a fine dining establishment in Pomona that's going down the tubes after less than a year of operation. How did it get in this state? Let me count the ways.

Problem number 1: Lela, the owner. Opening a restaurant was her dream, and she poured all of her retirement savings into it. But she opened a fine-dining place in a town without a fine-dining crowd -- no one wants to spend $27 on an entrée on a regular basis in Pomona, Calif. (especially when that entrée is lamb with chocolate and mint sauce). The folks who hang out around the restaurant and college students, artists, young-and-broke types. Fine dining just isn't on their list of priorities.

What's more, Lela is the least assertive boss ever. She has no control, and doesn't seem to want any. The kitchen staff is clowning around, goofing off, taking breaks whenever the urge hits; the head chef and the head waitress get into screaming fights, cursing at the top of their lungs while the customers can hear it; inventory seems to disappear; the menu isn't drawing in the crowds. What does she do? She stands in the background, nodding and smiling, looking worried, instead of actually stepping up and taking control. You can't complain about how everything is going wrong when you're not doing anything to set it right.

Problem number 2: Buzzard, a prep cook who spends his time snacking and pilfering from the kitchen. He's constantly snacking on restaurant food throughout the day, and he goes so far as to carry off three bottles of wine when he decides his shift is done. I can see taking leftovers when the place closes, but bottles of wine? That's called stealing. Amazingly, Lela fires him.

Problem number 3: Head chef Ricky. He's a blowhard, he's in love with himself, he won't take criticism, he swears vociferously and at great volume, and he antagonizes everyone he meets. So he's just like Ramsay, right? Yeah, there's one major difference: Ricky has no palate. He can't taste anything, it seems. He's the one who came up with the fabulous special dish of lamb with chocolate mint sauce. This consists of lamb bones with mere slivers of meat on them garnished with fresh mint and then slathered with a sauce made from chocolate syrup out of a bottle -- you know, the kind you use to make chocolate milk when you're a kid. Is he high? That's the only way I can see anyone thinking this is a decent meal.

Ramsay challenges Ricky and his sous chef, Lex, to a taste-test challenge. I figured they'd be distinguishing between rare spices and seasonings, or picking the higher-quality cut of meat. Nope: Ramsay brought out chicken, steak and pork, and asked the guys to tell him what they were eating. Ricky thought the chicken was beef (!) and the strip steak was pork (!!). There is no way this man should be designing a menu. That's just nuts. All of a sudden, it starts to make sense why everything on the menu is made from frozen ingredients. I honestly don't think Ricky can taste the difference.

Ramsay appoints Lex to be head chef, since he actually can taste food. Ricky will be his sous chef, which makes Ricky pretty darn bitter, but he's sticking around.

As is his wont, Ramsay completely revamps the menu -- Lela's will now be a place for casual, contemporary food, and it will feature a signature salad and a kick-ass burger. He also sends Lela off for a day of pampering. Personally, I think she needed time in boot camp or at the sort of medical facility where they can graft spines onto virtual invertebrates, but no one asks me. Sigh.

After drumming up business by giving away free burgers, the restaurant re-opens -- and it's swamped. This brings us to Problem number 4: Lex may know food, he can't handle pressure. He freezes up, can't get things done, and can't take a bunch of people yelling that they need things. He actually bolts in the middle of the rush, which sends a newly assertive Lela over the edge. Huzzah! Lela got a spine! Lex is shocked, can't handle even sweet little Lela yelling at him, and drives away. Bad deal.

This leaves Ricky in charge of the kitchen -- and he totally steps up, gets things running like clockwork. Even Ramsay admits that Ricky was invaluable by the end of the night. Maybe he can't create a menu, but he sure knows how to run a kitchen. And lucky for him, Tabitha, the head waitress, does a decent job running the front of the house. They opened the episode screaming obscenities at each other, but when they act as a team, these two crazy kids just might be able to make this restaurant work!

Or.... Not. Five months later, the mountain of debt prompts Lela to close the place. Too little, too late.

Highlights, thoughts and odds and ends:

• Tabitha almost made my list as Problem number 5, because she's pretty abrasive and also tends to yell and curse where everyone can hear her. She complains a lot about everything (principally Ricky). But the thing is, she's not wrong.
• The restaurant has a lot of things on its menu, but it seems like half of them are out when Gordon tries to order. Apparently, that's a common problem, and that speaks to poor management. Lela, as you're management, that's you.
• Ramsay's kitchen inspection, where he looks for rancid food, was a bit anticlimactic. Yes, the walk-in fridge wasn't cold enough, but that congealed blood from the meat wasn't on the floor until Ramsay himself poured it there. That said, he did find some stuff that looked pretty damn nasty.
• Ramsay tries to be diplomatic: "What was fine dining about my lunch there?" Ricky: "What do you mean?" Ramsay: "OK, let's put it this way: I thought it was a pile of crap." Ramsay 1, Diplomacy 0.
• Ramsay has way too much fun saying "Pomona" over and over again. You know how when you say something often enough, it doesn't sound like a real word anymore? You got the sense that Ramsay reached that point with Pomona the second time he said it.

Comments

Diamonds on my fish, HEY! Diamonds on my fish-fish!

The dishwater, Tonnie, should've been named "Vulture".

You just know Tabitha and Ricky be gettin' it on after hours! That kinda tension don't come platonically!

Excuse me while I enjoy some sour cream and chivas.

Frank Rook | Nov 22, 2007 2:22:19 AM | #

---

I think the key take-away, aside from Buzzard's free food and wine, is don't loan money to a family member struggling to keep their business open. Lela lost her retirement money (what was she thinking?) and her sister lost at least $70k (what was she thinking?). I did like Ricky's answer about the instant mashed potatoes "you don't hear anybody else complaining" when the restaurant is vacant. Where else but FOX could you get "Bones with chocolate sauce"...

Chris | Nov 22, 2007 6:37:31 AM | #

---

If they are going to edit things out of order, it might be a good idea to take any clocks out of camera. You could tell that Lex was coming back because before he bolted you saw that he was in frame when the clock showed after 7, but he left around 6-ish. If anyone Tivo'd it, look at the digital clock in the kitchen. Does anyone at Fox care about editing things in the right order??

Dear Fox | Nov 22, 2007 8:50:17 AM | #

---

Hey everyone... interesting blog thing here. I'd just like to start off by saying that I was that buss boy you saw in the background every now and then that never got interviewed lol. If you don't believe me go to my page myspace.com/brianpomona18
I'll be glad to answer questions as an inside source ;)

Brian | Nov 25, 2007 7:04:15 AM | #

---

I would like everyone to know that there's no way in hell me and ricky did shit together. We couldn't stand each other.

tabitha | Nov 25, 2007 5:15:36 PM | #

---

Oh and by the way when I was yelling at ricky there was no one in the place but the camera crew and gordon ramsey and us of course its just the way they made the show look.. And if I looked mad you try haveing cameras follow you for 7 days 16 hours a day and wanting you interview you every 5 mins...you would fill the same way...

tabitha | Nov 26, 2007 12:48:54 PM | #

---

Oh and by the way when I was yelling at ricky there was no one in the place but the camera crew and gordon ramsey and us of course its just the way they made the show look.. And if I looked mad you try haveing cameras follow you for 7 days 16 hours a day and wanting to interview you every 5 mins...you would fill the same way...

tabitha | Nov 26, 2007 12:49:30 PM | #

---

I'm sorry that Lela's couldn't have stayed open. I am sorry to hear about it closing. They say the first year of a new business is the toughest. I just feel bad for the owner. :-(

Jillian | Oct 30, 2008 6:31:11 PM | #

---

Post a comment

Name:
Email Address:	optional
URL:	optional
Comments: