Just another Manic Mocha Monday on 'Smallville'
Well, if you're like me, right around the time Clark and Lana started having Super Seismic Sex, you reached into the liquor cabinet and braced for a sub-par episode of Smallville. And while the show recovered from that mind-searing introduction, it was a Lana-centric episode, which is kinda all you need to know about this week's episode, 'Wrath." I'm guessing it was titled as such since the producers knew how the audience would feel about an episode in which Lana actually beats up Superman in a fight. But we'll get to that particular nugget of awful later in the recap.
And just how did Lana Lang become SuperAnnoyingGirl? Via a device from Season 1, the ol' "Clark gets hit by lightning and someone else gets his powers" routine, last seen in Season 1's "Leech," alluded to throughout the show in a "here we go again" sort of way by Chloe and Clark. Only, unlike last time, Clark maintains his power while Lana goes from zero to Anakin Skywalker faster than you can say "Super Mocha Mondays." (Honestly, they are just mocking me with those Talon signs at this point.)
In her crosshairs: her ex-husband and something called "Project Scion." (So help me God if the Talon starts advertising "Super Scion Saturdays!") I'm a fan of Project Scion, I have to say. For one thing, "Project Scion" is a heckuva lot catchier than "Project 33.1." Just rolls more tripplingly off the tongue. Secondly, it sets up the new, improved Braniac to return to the show, albeit one who saw "Spider-Man 3" and came away with a major crush on Venom. A liquidized form of the last crystals from Braniac's ship, it's evolved in Luthor's laboratories and now escaped, thanks to the Clash of the Whiners. Watching Lana and Clark fight in bullet time was only slightly less distressing than watching Nova's "The Miracle of Life" in sophomore biology class. Under no circumstances short of "Clark's hopped up on red kryptonite and looking to get freaky" should Lana ever, ever land a punch on Clark Kent, people.
Clark was only the last person Lana clocked, leaving behind a trail of sore, bruised bodies along the way. Lex naturally received a concussion, which left his "Concussion Card" two stamps away from a free checkup at Smallville Medical. And Lois: well, Lois has her poor-spelling booty handed to her, thanks to some Cobra Kai moves on behalf of Lana. The Lana-kicking-Lois-through-glass scene had me torn. On one hand, physical harm was coming to Lois, and I may have cheered. But then I remembered said beatdown was delivered by Lana, and I may have punched myself in the ear. Totally conflicting scene.
And I name-dropped the Cobra Kai specifically as an homage to Lana's outfits this year. When Clark tells Lex, "There's something darker about her now," what he really means is, "You know, she used to rock the pink, and now she looks like she's constantly going to a My Chemical Romance concert." But in true Smallville fashion, rather than simply Lex or Clark call her out on her horrible self, both in turn raise her even higher up on a pedestal. Clark blames himself for her duplicitous nature, and Lex, for his part, essentially says, "The fact that she tried to kill me only shows she loves me more than you do." And these are our primary protagonist and antagonist, people.
The only person to truly stand up to Lana? Chloe, and I'm proud to say the role of this week's edition of "Kick Chloe in the Face" has been replaced by "Chloe Kicks All Sorts of Butt." Her quiet determination inside the Isis Foundation had me doing a mental fist pump. The fact that she eschewed histrionics in favor of a calm demeanor put Lana out of sorts, and put me into major swoonage. That sound you heard around 8:51 pm EST was every Chloe fan in America weeping with joy. At this point, they best move Chloe beyond Clark's BFF and onto his GWCAALHLHEUTSFL (Girl Who Can Appreciate And Love Him Like His Equal Unlike That Stupid Face Lana).
Chloe's boss, meanwhile, was revealed to be a major Luthor stooge this week, systematically erasing the hard drive containing the data of Project Scion. While not an unexpected development, I still appreciate the fact that Grant Gabriel is not merely a loudmouthed blowhard who takes up valuable Smallville time each when that could be better spent on central characters. See, he's a loudmouthed blowhard who takes up valuable Smallville time each when that could be better spent on central characters on the Luthor payroll. Big difference. Obviously hired to keep Lex's nose clean as Project Scion evolves, he could serve to evolve Lois's character as she slowly learns his true allegiance. And yes, I just talked about "Lois Lane" and "character development." I'm as shocked as you are.
Big picture? A potentially epic Season 7 is shaping up: Supergirl. Braniac. Lex prepping for intergalactic war. Jor-El and Zor-El's battle echoing into present day Earth. All the trappings of a HUGE battle. So, Smallville, cut the Benny Hill-esque supersex and get to the good stuff already, will you?
What did you make of the superpowered Lana? Does Project Scion have you itching for a little global domination? And when will Clark and Chloe get with the super smooching already?
Again I am put off by your extreme sarcasm throughout this article. It is written like you hate the show, and in which case I say stop watching. I am not even one of the watchers who will follow everything the show does, but give it a rest.
I thought it was a great episode if for no other reason than Chloe saying, "I'll never let that happen" to Lana. Freakin amazing!
Of course, I always enjoy the ep where people temporarily get superpowers. From Lois and Clark to Smallville, I think it is always interesting and I think they did a good job with the consequences for Lana. I hate her character as much as anyone, but at least she was somewhat interesting in this ep.
I also really enjoyed Lana coming back at Clark when he pathetically claimed responsibility for making her the way she was. Calling him out on his jaded view of her and saying she will take the blame for her own mistakes was refreshing and beyond the truth.
Lois' role was really small this ep (and I love her character), but I did like the turn that Cliff is not a good guy. He was fairly one-dimensional until then and I am interested to see where it goes from here.
Overall, this season is turning out to be quite good. If only Ryan would learn to appreciate it and stop picking on it.
Bryan your sarcasm is getting old.
I loved Chloe this week. Clark's rose colored gl***es when it comes to Lana seem to be on their way to coming off hopefully. Grant is wasted space. Lois seems to be getting closer to her iconic self which is good too. Lex was interesting as always. My opinion of Lana will be unwritten in respect for Kristin Kreuk.
Fyi, I love your hilariously sarcastic reviews. Keep 'em coming. ;)
Here are just a few questions/comments concerning this week's episode. With the literal rumblings of super sex, Smallville has set its position on the whole Man of Steel/Woman of Kleenex question (Larry Niven - look it up). However, this does not answer the question of whether the annoying couple used a condom. Would it even matter? Barring unintentional coital manslaughter, are Kryptonians and humans reproductively compatible? Could a mere Earthly condom survive the initial moments of the act, or would it be protected by Superman's energy aura like his clothing? Also, when Lana quite appropriately kicked Lois through the gl*** barrier at the Daily Planet, whose idea was it to take her all the way to Smallville for the high priority mending of her boo-boo? Oh yeah, and Lana didn't so much seem dismayed at Chloe's declaration as amused. Like the show's writers, she seems to recognize the slim likelihood of there ever being a Chloe Kent. It's a sad, small world.
Ryan, please keep up with these reviews. Reading them the next morning usually makes the episode the night before much better :)
Superpowered Lana is a waste of time if Clark doesn't get his head out of his *** and kicks her to the curb ASAP. The less said about the cheesy and mind-numbing "sex" the better. I don't know how they manage to do it, but they really made Clark look stupider than they did at the end of season 6 when he tried so desperately to take the blame for her actions. And, Lana is the one asking him not to, to accept her for the cold-hearted, calculating, black hole of nothingness that she is, because she's not going to apologise for it. And yes, all our hero does is look troubled. Wah?
Lex, I hope gloats. From here on end everytime Clark and Lana are in his presence he just needs to gloat. Project Scion is shaping up very nicely, actually.
"Lois Lane" remains a boob being played by Grant. Seriously, the hard-drive right there on his desk from which he's erasing files and she ask about it? Pity she can't be unconscious for more of her episodes. It makes it even easier to pretend she doesn't exist since she doesn't other than to be a someone for the male-guest star to make out with. And would you look at that? She didn't even think twice about kissing the her boss, the guy that hired her. She's just got no clue at all.
Chloe was made of awesome this week and I loved her smackdown of Lana. There's no way to call her jealous or *****y or anything like that - she was calm and focused when she made her threat to Lana, and Lana took her very seriously. It was about time that Real!Chloe returned, and it was great. I want her to stay so they can get with the Chloe and Clark super-smooching as soon as possible :)
Chloe FTW!!!
Chloe was awesome tonight. She was so off last season while dating Jimmy. She was p***ive and girly and lost her great snark. This season started off shaky too and the Chlark dynamic was not on the way it usually is. But, all that changed this episode.
Chloe is BACK! I'm moved. Seriously. I love her talk with Lana at the end. Allison Mack delivered it perfectly.
As for the rest, everyone was pretty good in the episode. Well, except Erica Durance because trying to "escape" from the hospital when she checked herself in made her look stupid on a profound level. And to hammer that home, Grant Gabriel hired her for her looks, because the article he returned to her was covered in corrections so it must not have been very good.
Overall, it was enjoyable episode. Mostly, because it gave me hope that the dynamics of the characters are going to change in interesting ways.
"Wrath" was a GREAT episode for Chloe and EvilLana fans!
I think Clark is starting to get it, in regards to Lana and her darkness, so I hope they continue to show him in that direction.
I actually kind of like that Lex was all, "Lana's intense hatred of me means she still loves me". So selfish. Love it.
I know it was tough on how to feel about Lois getting thrown through gl*** by Lana, but really, I'll take what I can get :)
"At this point, they best move Chloe beyond Clark's BFF and onto his GWCAALHLHEUTSFL (Girl Who Can Appreciate And Love Him Like His Equal Unlike That Stupid Face Lana)."
I'm totally going to have to remember this because it's brilliant. :)
I think the Chloe/Lana scene at the end was just hands down, made of awesome.
I'm glad to see Chloe stand up to and put her in her place.
I hope we just got a setup for "Delete" Part Deux because I could be about that.
SV's Lois Lane is just completely oblivious to everything Grant. It's kind of sad.
Not that I care, really, because I gave up on her being "Lois Lane" for good after "Combat" last season.
I like the way things are heading on SV this season, so hopefully, they can continue to deliver (up until, I guess, they run out of scripts, heh).
Thanks for the fun and on the mark review!
I read that they have will have fifteen episodes done this season before they run out of scripts. That's a lot more than some shows, so we'll have Smallville for a while after the other shows disappear.
That might be a good reason to lighten up on the reviews. I agree with Travis and Penny. Your reviews are too sarcastic. I think some sarcasm is funny, but in the amount you are using it, it becomes rude and I get defensive of the show. And this isn't just once in a while, it seems to be every week.
If you dislike it so much, you should let someone else review it.
I think the show was pretty darn good last night even with the cheesy thundersex scene. I like seeing Lana be bad and that just makes her even sexier to me. I also like how even though Lex is technically the villain, he's still the most insightful character on the show and both Clark and Lana know he's right in what he told both of them. Also loved Chloe finally getting to be the one to throw the punches albeit verbal ones. Enough of her getting stomped on. She needs to move on from Jimmy and if a Clark hookup isn't happening then she needs to just stand on her own two feet and get tough. Didn't think about the Braniac twist, but that makes sense. This show in its 6th season still manages to weave a season long plot line better than Heroes ever has.
Dude, your negativity in reviewing this show is a major put-off to anyone who hasn't watched avidly throughout the years. Tone it down, wouldja? There's lots to gripe about but I think that should be left to the fans (like in message boards) to vent. You're supposed to review, right? A little narcissistic to make the rest of us suffer through your '*****ing' just to find out what happened last night, don'tja think? Why not try to do a positive review of the show? Show us you actually like it and there's a reason you're watching. Otherwise, I'm gonna start thinking you're just forced to watch this show just to comment on it for Zapit. In which case, Zapit should fire your *** and hire somebody who can appreciate this show and why some of us are fans.