'Dirty Sexy Money': Valhalla

The two themes I came away with from this week's Dirty Sexy Money: the immeasurable importance of a consigliere; and no matter how well we think we know people, we rarely ever really know them.

Country manor-style spoilers ahead...

"He just wanted to steal my soul." Tripp wants Nick to schedule a sit-down between Patrick, Simon Elder, Nick, and himself. Patrick and Nick have been estranged since Karen's wedding, and Tripp wants to both figure out a way to mend things with Patrick, force Elder's hand, and expose what Elder is up to by creating an advisory relationship with Patrick. Tripp also utters the above nonsense about Elder wanting to "steal his soul." Oh, Tripp. Insert sarcastic writer's strike comment here.

"If you want to stay married to me, quit stalling. And make it happen." Ellen lays it out for Patrick and demands her own sit-down with her husband and Carmelita. Patrick balks, saying it's tough to schedule the meeting because Carmelita has finals. In cosmetology school. Ellen, however, takes no guff, and simplifies the situation for Patrick -- get it done. Until last week, I'd really been wondering what the incentive was for Bellamy Young to show up every week and not be given a whole lot to do. Now I get it -- and she's working it with a vengeance. Ellen hasn't exactly been crucial to the story until now -- but now that she's front and center, she rules.

"No, I'm trying to buy our son." Brian and Andrea are duking it out with the lawyers over custody of Brian Jr. Despite Karen's understanding of the justice system -- "Whoever has the most money wins, right?" (and frankly, judging from some of the seamier high-profile court cases, it's hard to completely disagree with her) -- Brian's on the ropes and not exactly handling himself with aplomb. Cartoon Brian is back, spewing venom at his baby mama, particularly when the jig is up and the whole Gustav yarn unravels. "I'll giver you $1 million to get up and walk out of here right now," he spits. He hits $3 million before she and her lawyer get up and walk out, rendering completely useless Nick's attempts to let civility and propriety reign.

"I'm sure everyone could use a little drinky poo." Nick and Lisa arrive at Valhalla, the Darlings' country manse (how fantastic is that?), for the big face-to-face. Tish convinces Karen to come along as part of the plan to win Nick. Simon Elder drives up, meets Tish and Karen, and greets Patrick. Then the menfolk adjourn to join Tripp, who has emerged wearing an orange jacket and brandishing a shotgun, on a quail hunt. Foreshadowing, anyone?

"Patrick, maybe you should take a walk." Ellen and Carmelita engage in a great tug-of-war over Patrick and his time. Ellen knows she's holding the cards, but Carmelita brings an additional piece of practicality to the table: she knows, as does Ellen, that Patrick's a loose cannon who will freelance the time-sharing arrangement if it diverges too much from his current ability to see Carmelita.

"It touches on the truth." We get down to it during the conversation between Tripp, Simon Elder, Patrick, and Nick. In an effort to persuade Patrick that he's being used for Elder's nefarious purposes, Tripp -- once again clad in his totally bitchin' velvet jacket -- spills the story about the "chilling heartlessness of a man willing to tear asunder a family..." Hoo boy. I stopped listening after a minute. Seriously, my kingdom for better lines for Donald Sutherland.

The deal: Elder's parents used to work for Tripp's parents. The rumor was that Elder's father and Tripp's mother were lovers. Tripp's father couldn't live with the rumors, so he fired the Elders, and they fled to the Soviet Union, believing that Communism would be fairer to African-Americans than the United States
(this point lost me, but whatever). They ended up in a Siberian work camp and died, leaving Elder an orphan. Consequently, Elder blames Tripp for his parents' death. Elder confirms the outline, saying his parents didn't go to the Soviet Union voluntarily, that they were drummed out of the country after someone (implication: Tripp) gave the State Department their names in an effort to get rid of them.

"If that fossil wants a war, that's exactly what he'll get." Elder storms out of the room, Nick in tow. Nick swears he didn't know about the Elder-Darling history. Elder calls Tripp dangerous, and implies that he was involved his brother's (uncle's? I lost track, and at this point, it's not that crucial) assassination. Elder asks Nick if he's on his side or Tripp's.

Intercut with all of this revelation is Tish spilling the beans to Lisa about Karen kissing Nick and telling him they belong together on her wedding day. Understandably (and predictably) Lisa freaks out and starts to have her doubts about Nick's role in this rigamarole. And so the pot-stirring begins. What's more, Lisa's right -- Nick's mixed messages to Karen and hemming and hawing when confronted with Karen's outrageousness would give anyone pause, no matter how much they trust their spouse.

"I'm glad I married you." Tish and Tripp talk after the Elder meeting -- and the upshot is that in the end they are one another's best support. Maybe because no one else could stand to be around them.

Less excited to be married: Ellen, who after she learns Patrick has fled to Carmelita for solace after the horrendous meeting, ends up shooting Patrick in the leg with a double-barreled shotgun. And Nick becomes one hell of a skilled liar to the press about what really happened.

"Babesons don't shake. Babesons hug." I throw this one in here because I didn't want to ignore Jeremy and his date with the lovely Sofia, whom he's conning into liking for who he is and not just because he's a Darling. Yeah, I get the sentiment, it's sweet and the point is valid, but it's still a Jeremy con. Unless he ends up really falling for her and there's a Big Lesson about being loved for you and not what you have. Insert sarcastic writers' strike comment here. That said, Clark the driver is totally brilliant with Jeremy, and their interaction was such fun to watch.

In their customary end-of-show conversation, Tripp furthers his drive to persuade Nick that Simon Elder could well be responsible for his father's death. Because, of course, it wasn't Tripp who dropped the dime on Elder's parents -- it was Dutch.

What do you think? Is the Darling-Elder history interesting or confusing (or both)? Do you think Lisa calling Nick on his interaction with Karen will wake him up? Might something go Brian's way in the custody war? And shouldn't Nick know that the secret to painting a wall effectively is masking tape around the woodwork?

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