Tuesday (Nov. 20) night's House contained magic tricks, the revelation of No. 13's secret, Cuddy's thong and the most shocking elimination ceremony to date, but why do I just want to talk about some stinky fish?

[If you don't want the episode's magic tricks ruined for you, stop reading now.]

Urban lore (I hesitate to call anything Wikipedia-related a fact) suggests that the origin of the phrase "red herring" dates back to the 17th century and relates to how the smell of a fish could be used to distract a hunting hound and save a fox. Why would you want to save a hunted fox? Why couldn't you just grab the dog by its leash and leave the hunt for another day? Why would you want to catch a fox when you have tasty smoked herring available to eat?

Of course, its literary use is as a different kind of distraction. In recent weeks on Bones, for example, frequently homicidal character actors Xander Berkley and Patrick Fabian were trotted out as red herrings to distract us from the actual killers. And every two or three weeks on House, lupus is thrown out as a hypothetical diagnosis, but it's become such a joke that this season premiere saw The Good Doctor's janitorial assistant suggest it. The "lupus" misguess was most recently used two weeks ago, but as usual, it wasn't right.

To my mind, if you develop a running joke around the inevitable false diagnosis, the moment that condition actually appears should be a major milestone. If it were me, I'd have saved lupus for the series finale. Make it a two-hour episode in which House tests some poor pin-cushion for every disease under the sun only to discover, after the patient's death, that the patient expired from the one thing he didn't guess -- lupus. Realizing that he's lost his edge, House grabs Cameron by the hand, they hop on the back of his motorcycle and they ride off to... I dunno... Nantucket.

Instead, we got...

The Patient o'the Week. Played by Steve Valentine, our patient was a magician who had a heart attack in the middle of a drowning trick. Kutner was sure that the patient was suffering from something more serious and staked his job on the hunch, looking particularly right when the patient began bleeding profusely from his nose. I sort of got lost in the order of guesses, but things progressed through drug use to amyloidosis to possibly tainted blood (House went so far as to dose himself with the blood, which strikes me as a mighty stupid thing to do, even for a man who stabbed an electrical socket earlier in the season) before the correct realization. Over one of those revelatory conversations with Wilson, House realized that the magician had a negative reaction to the blood because he was given AB and he was just Type A, the problem being that he was also randomly manufacturing B antibodies.

"We finally had a case of Lupus," he said in amazement. And really, where do we go from here?

One person who doesn't have to worry about where we go from here is Big Love. Poor Big Love. He must have thought that House had to play by the same rules as Jeff Probst, where having an Immunity Idol means you're actually immune from elimination (Unless you're dimpled Jaime and you play an Immunity Idol that isn't an Immunity Idol).

It made for a fun subplot, assuming you aren't one of those viewers who remembers when Cuddy was an intellectual sparring partner for House and his jabs weren't 100 percent restricted to sexual innuendo. House offered immunity and the chance to nominate two doctors for eviction to anybody who could get him Cuddy's thong. After several failed attempts, Mini Stud (Taub) and Cutthroat B**** (Amber) brought him a pair of black panties but since the Good Doctor knew that Cuddy was wearing a red bra, the panties had to be Cutthroat's. The man to bring the panties, shockingly, was Big Love, which infuriated House.

"How'd you do it?"
"Prayer mostly."
"Just tell me... Does Cuddy have her groove back?"

Big Love assured him that sometimes it's better not to know the secret, which was true. Big Love got Cuddy's panties in exchange for putting Amber and Kutner up for elimination, which didn't pay off.

"Your scheme was brilliant and you're fired," House declared.
"You're all about breaking the rules."
"Her rules, not mine."

See? House didn't want to know the secret. That was this week's theme, you see, with an absence of subtlety that's usually reserved for Grey's Anatomy. House wanted to know Big Love's secret, he wanted to know how the magician pulled off a card trick and he wanted to know what it was that No. 13 has been hiding all these weeks.

His distilled argument: "If the wonder's gone when the truth is known, there never was any wonder."

No. 13 felt differently, though. We learned, after all this time, that her mother died of Huntington's, meaning there's a 50 percent chance she has it, but she's never found out (Kudos to House for the caffeinated coffee trick, but also to No. 13 for the swift revenge).

Her distilled argument: "You know that when you run out of questions, you don't just run out of answers. You run out of hope."

And that's why we don't know if No. 13 has Huntington's, or how the magician got House's card to appear on the other side of the observation glass.

It looks like House makes his final decision next week, which will only be a surprise to two or three members of the audience, but they're the ones who prefer not to know how magic tricks are done or how to charm the panties off a hospital administrator. Me? I wanna know.

A couple favorite lines of the week:

"I'm just hurt. When I asked you to see Mama Mia..." (House to Kutner, mocking the bromance between Kutner and Big Love)

"Seems a little much for a first date." "Obviously you've never dated me." (House to No. 13 after discovering he'd been drugged and had blood and kidney samples taken)

"I've seen his picture. He's gonna need braces." (Taub explaining how his $5,000 bribe could help Big Love's son)

"Cole has traveled through the forest of crustaceans and brought us a treasure." (House, surmising the steps taken to get Cuddy's thong)

"Pick a card." "Too much trouble. Can I just pick my nose?" (The magician and former amateur magician House)

"I'm sorry." (House to No. 13 after hearing about her mother. It's not funny, but it isn't something he says very often.)

Lupus?!? What'd you think of this week's episode? And what were your favorite quotes?

Comments

Of all the things that were ridiculous in this episode, I have to say that the "bras must match the panties in color" rule to be ludicrous. Oh, sometimes women are meticulous that way, and of course, some women go with matching sets when they know their significant other will see them.

But really? Usually they don't match because of a number of factors: bra or panty chosen first for support/VPL purposes; favorite one; lucky one; most comfy one; laundry time or based on whim.

Hanh | Nov 20, 2007 10:27:11 PM | #

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Much better than last week's episode. Loved Valentine as the magician and the card trick on House! Didn't see Big Love getting fired this week. Cutthroat B**** was pretty hilarious in the scene where everyone knew she had no underwear on. Didn't see the Lupus coming either but when House said it, I felt like he had been reading our posts here on Zap and I laughed to myself like it was an inside joke.

Chris | Nov 21, 2007 6:24:38 AM | #

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I would say that Cuddy looks like the type of woman who always has a matching set on.

Sarah | Nov 21, 2007 6:59:56 AM | #

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I thought "Gouse" said "_I_ finally have a case of Lupus." (which to me, would have sounded funnier)
Though I missed the "forest of crustaceans" line... crustaceans, heh.
The lupus line was a throw-away, but it was a good throwaway as it fit House's character and the series. Jokes were never the focus of the show (the focus being the initial dianosis , but it is the integral layer of triple fudge icing.

pakopako | Nov 21, 2007 7:22:20 AM | #

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pakopako -- But what about all the times I *didn't* call him "Gouse"?

Fixed now... Thanks!

And I'm not sure on the pronoun in the lupus sentence... Stupid sketchy transcribing...

-Daniel

Daniel | Nov 21, 2007 7:43:38 AM | #

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Cuddy is definetely the type of woman to always have a matching bra and panty set on....it's a control thing, makes her feel in control and more sure of herself....which makes sense that Cutthroat would be the same way with the black bra and panties....

jamm | Nov 21, 2007 9:26:15 AM | #

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i thought it was hilarious when house got cuddy to bend over then couldn't stop saying oh my god.

Dory | Nov 21, 2007 1:17:17 PM | #

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I am going to miss Big Love. I really liked him. I wonder if he took the $ from Taub. He knew he wasn't going to put him up, so he could have taken the money... I would rather have kept Big Love than Taub or Cutthroat B****.

Mandy | Nov 21, 2007 4:11:34 PM | #

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funny episode and i'm so far i'm liking how this season is playing out with the "new team". although i still miss cameron and chase.

i really hope they don't fire 13... she's great. i don't care either way about who gets fired amongst the other two as long as 13 stays.

joits | Nov 23, 2007 9:08:55 AM | #

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Hey why is everybody interested in the plot. Who cares about 13 or "cutthroat bitch."

I just think every wants to see Cuddy "wearing" the thong. I know I do.

Ken

calrz | Jul 26, 2008 8:22:14 PM | #

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