The last thing I thought we needed was yet another performance-based reality series where America votes to find the next big whatever. Between American Idol and Dancing with the Stars and America's Got Talent and heck, two competing can-you-remember-the-words-to-the-song shows, I figured the genre was kind of tapped out. But I just watched The Next Great American Band, and you know what? It doesn't suck. The judges actually seem to care about musicianship. They only spent a little time on horrible acts, instead devoting time to people who could actually sing and play. There's hope for us yet.

Spoilers!

The set-up is the same as any other Idol-esque talent show: You've got a trio of judges, and a bunch of hopefuls willing to sign away any potential future they may have in what is doubtless a ruinous recording contract. Let's meet the players.

The judges and host
John Rzeznik of the Goo-Goo Dolls plays the Randy Jackson role -- not wildly supportive, not a complete hard-ass. He seems mostly awake, and makes reasonably good comments. I like him.

Sheila E. stands in for Paula Abdul, but with significantly less crazy. She's supportive, but she's not afraid to tell people they just don't have. Plus, she's Sheila E., people! Love Bizarre! Glamorous Life! I approve.

Ian "Dicko" Dickson is the Federally Mandated Acerbic, Soul-Crushing British Judge (FMASCBJ). But there's a difference -- this FMASCBJ comes to us by way of Australia, so he says "G'day!" when he's sneering at people! He's kind of an ass, but I tend to agree with him. I feel slightly dirty just saying that.

Dominic Bowden, who is New Zealand's answer to Ryan Seacrest, is our host. In this episode, he was mostly pointless.

The bands
Tres Bien, a bunch of LA folks who grew up on 60s music. They play an original that sounds like they're aping early Beatles. The judges like it, but I think it's too close to a novelty act or a cover band.

Light of Doom, 12- and 13-year-old kids who rock the hell out, metal style. They've got talent, and the sort of coordinated headbanging that will lead to serious neck problems in later life. Sheila loves them, Dicko thinks they're good but too gimmicky, and John gets browbeaten by Sheila into sending them on. I think they rock. But was I the only one who felt slightly pervy looking at a bunch of shirtless pre-adolescents strutting around the stage?

The Hatch, a New York hipster-ish band that Dicko compares to Maroon 5. Sheila makes the lead singer look deeply into her eyes before sending them on, in a way that made me slightly uncomfortable. They're decent musicians, but not my idea of a good time.

The Clark Brothers, who prompted me to call a friend of mine who has a serious stringed-instrument habit and tell him to tune in. They took a steel guitar, a mandolin and an acoustic guitar and made "This Little Light of Mine" a rocked-out barn-burner. These guys can play. They're also not difficult to look at, and they've got an interesting origin story.

Dot Dot Dot, a sort of new new wave pop-rock band with punk pretensions who did a pretty darn fun version of "Always Something there to Remind Me." Dicko warns that they might grate a bit after a while, and I can see where he's coming from, but I'm glad they're through.

The Mugs, a group from Dee-troit who describe themselves as the ugliest band there. They're not. They're not going to win any beauty contests, but they're not hideous. And they rock, giving me a sort of Black Crowes vibe. Great musicians, and another interesting backstory -- the bassist had a stroke and was partially paralyzed. He now plays the bass line on keyboard.

Denver and the Mile High Orchestra, a really tight big band (literally -- 12 people) with a great horn section. They're self-described band geeks, and I love them for that. Dicko thinks their main problem is their bandleader "has a touch of Ned Flanders." Ouch.

Sixwire, a country band with edge that says they're not from "our grandpappy's Nashville." If you want edgy street cred, it's possibly you shouldn't use the word "grandpappy." Still, they're great musicians, and a really tight band, so they deserved to go through.

Cliff Wagner and the Old Number 7, a traditional bluegrass band with, again, great music skills (and yet another mandolin.) When asked to perform a cover "that wasn't written by a 70-year-old raccoon hunter," they gamely do a bluegrass version of "Like a Virgin," which is utterly awesome.

The Likes of You, which starts off giving me a Muse-ish vibe (the lead singer has Matthew Bellamy's ability to hit the high notes), then settled into something more sedate that I'd hear on the alternative rock station. I didn't see enough of them to be able to tell how I feel.

Franklin Bridge, a Philly band (who I am obligated to love, because I grew up near Philly) made up of great, great musicians. There wasn't a weak link in the bunch, and they rocked out. Plus, Shelia asked the drummer about his influences, and the drummer didn't take the opportunity to pander.

Rocket, an LA girl band that I wish I liked more. They're going for the tough-girl, take-no-crap, we're-just-as-good-as-the-boys rocker chick thing -- heirs to the Runaways, say -- but I don't think they're quite there. They're good musicians, but the lead singer didn't seem to do it for me. Still, the judges sent them through, but it seemed to be as much for what they represented as for their skill. Alas.

Highlights and other thoughts:

• Why is The Next Great American Band going to be shepherded onto the scene by a Kiwi and a by-way-of-Oz Brit?
• I love that these judges actually, you know, judged. They told bands when they just didn't measure up. And we didn't have to wade through much "I think you have a beautiful spirit" crap to get to the judgment.
• If you don't want to be sitting in 110 degree heat, don't film your show in the Nevada desert.
• We had a couple of bands who had decided to quit trying if they didn't make it through. Neither made it through. One of them was a good bar band, but the judges doubted they could sell records. Also, they played guitar with a rubber chicken. The other was an alterna-rock band that got two chances. The frontman was compelling (if a bit of a schmuck) but the band wasn't as good as he was. John said the signer should be in Pantera. I'm reasonably sure he meant that as a compliment.
• One band incorporated a Theremin. You gotta respect them for that. You don't gotta let them through, but you gotta respect them.
• Polka is enough to push Dicko over the edge. I contend he just didn't hear the right band. Check out hardcore polka bands like the Polkaholics or Polkacide, then get back to me. (I live in Chicago. Don't mock the polka.)
• I kind of adored the Zombie Bazooka Patrol, who reminded me a bit of Uncle Tupelo, but with songs about being undead. I can see why they didn't get through-too gimmicky -- but they were actually good musicians.
• A band called Big Toe featured a bassist who was born without arms, and who played bass with his feet. He was great, but the rest of the band didn't measure up. And the judges were honest. Quoth the Dicko: "I'm not going to patronize you because of your disability. I closed my eyes and I don't think it's recordable." He's right. But the bassist was amazing, and should be in a better band. Actually, the main problem with the Pantera-singer band was the bassist. Hmmm.
• Dear Gothic Killer Clown band: You kind of suck. And don't you diss Ms. E.
• Mezcal, a Latin band with a female drummer, is thrilled to be judged by Sheila E. She's thrilled to see them there, but doesn't think their musicianship is up to snuff. She does play with them for a little, though, before she sends them home.

Dicko-isms of the evening:

• Regarding a band dressed as aliens: "Fantastic. 110 degrees in the desert, and we've got another bunch of middle-aged, loser timewasters who like playing dress-up."
• About a gospel girl group: "Like a semifinal in a cat strangling competition."
• On Rocket: "You're not the best musicians -- you're not even the hottest chicks we got in this competition -- well, apart from you...." When the lead singer snarks "oh, that's nice" he says, "Not you, the other one." He's an ass.
• Regard the Zombie Bazooka Patrol: "When you walked on stage, I thought you were just going to be another bunch of time-wasting clowns, but what a fabulous waste of time that was."
• Talking to Light of Doom: "I'm not altogether sure this isn't some sort of weird biological social experiment where they've been cloning rock stars and you're the first fruits of that..."

What did you think? Who are the bands to beat? Do you agree with my musical assessments, or do you think I'm tone deaf?

Comments

The Clark Bros. had me running to the net, where I found you. Very accurate assessments, by you and the kind of weird compilation of judges.....Goo Goo Dolls get a seat?! Next Friday, I'm coming home straight from work as I'm hooked. Slide, percussion, tight bands just get me where I wanna go!

BluesLady | Oct 20, 2007 12:08:37 AM | #

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The Clark Bros. had me running to the net, where I found you. Very accurate assessments, by you and the kind of weird compilation of judges.....Goo Goo Dolls get a seat?! Next Friday, I'm coming home straight from work as I'm hooked. Slide, percussion, tight bands just get me where I wanna go!

BluesLady | Oct 20, 2007 12:08:45 AM | #

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I agree about the "pervy" comment - kept thinking "PLEASE, put a shirt on!"
From the other side of the river, but still loved to see some Philly boys rock it out - and the South Jersey polka band deserved more time! Saw them play a hospital charity gig (two of them are doctors). And I loved the Clark brothers, but with 11 kids in the family, they couldn't put somebody on drums?

Barb L | Oct 20, 2007 4:04:26 AM | #

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Best review on the net so far. Clearly this is a competition between three quality bands. Denver and the MHO, Sixwire and Franklin Bridge. As far as 13 year old rockers...give me a break. They need a lot of work.

musikman | Oct 20, 2007 5:41:24 AM | #

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Me too...I was hooked and didn't even see the show from the beginning. GREAT bands but who really wants to see the skinny, pale skinned preteens with no shirts! Please! Anyway it was a pretty entertaining show and I'll watch it again.

Kate 2 | Oct 20, 2007 7:24:29 AM | #

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Great review and I agree with most of your assessment.

My favourites are Sixwire who I have loved for a while now, Franklin Bridge which is a frontrunner, The Clark Brothers who really brought it hard, and Light Of Doom who just plain ROCKED OUT!!!

Nate | Oct 20, 2007 10:13:47 AM | #

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give rocket a chance... that really wasn't their best preformance - you should check out they're myspace at
www.myspace.com/rocket and listen to 'another mistake' or 'future x boyfriend'

then you'll see how great laurne rocket is!

ellie | Oct 20, 2007 10:26:41 AM | #

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The Clark brothers were the only band that make me feel something.

relyonme | Oct 20, 2007 1:14:36 PM | #

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i'm surprised but happy that three bands are of the country-ish genre (sixwire, clark bros, cliff wagner). but may i point out that it's a Dobro in the clark bros. band, not a steel guitar. they are great players but the Dobro and mandolin solos were too fast/flashy. take off some speed and add a little more taste. sixwire is way too polished for me but they are tight. i'd like to hear more edge and personality in their tunes. cliff wagner....gotta love their sense of humor and that was a great original song. hot, hot picking, too! i hope all of these guys make it far into the competition.

joiseygoil | Oct 20, 2007 3:47:50 PM | #

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btw, sarah, this was a nicely written recap of the show - thanks!

joiseygoil | Oct 20, 2007 3:49:02 PM | #

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Well done ! I'm not a huge Bluegrass fan, but Cliff Wagners band made me a little curious to see what else they can do!

Mtnandsealover | Oct 20, 2007 5:33:14 PM | #

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The only band with REAL musicians is Denver and the Mile High Orchestra. I hope they make it all the way!!

PDB | Oct 21, 2007 7:50:53 AM | #

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Tres Bien isn't even from a major city. They are from a small suburban-township/city in Florida.

| Oct 21, 2007 8:36:40 AM | #

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They didn't give enough airtime to "The Likes of You". Their lead singer, Geoff Byrd, has an amazing voice and he can sing any genre of music. I have all of his independent CD's and they are fantastic. Can't wait to see what they do next week. Give them a chance as they were shortchanged on the audition show. I love this band!!!!

sugarcane | Oct 21, 2007 10:09:27 AM | #

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wasn't expecting much.... but it was great!!! I'm hooked. But..."put a shirt on.." Like the reverse of watching a thirty-something trying to be teenager... next thing they'll be air grinding ... give me a break.... there is a demographic who'll love them though...

Legend | Oct 21, 2007 11:58:10 AM | #

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I AM a member of the polka band. The jablonski twins. We are two docs that play for charity events, We are both quite good musicians but play in a humorous way to provide entertainment. We knew we'd be a novelty. Our goal was national tv for exposure.

m boriss | Oct 21, 2007 8:15:22 PM | #

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The Gothic killer clowns were the best joke of the show i wish i could see a video of there performance. it would make me and my friends very happy to make fun of them.

Mike | Oct 22, 2007 5:46:42 AM | #

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Tres Bien is not bunch of LA folks. They all live in Clearwater, FL. Where did you get that info from?

Audi | Oct 22, 2007 10:38:25 PM | #

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The Clark Brothers seirously made my day.

PM | Oct 23, 2007 11:20:27 AM | #

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i think that all girl band "Rocket" was sort of......actually REALLY an insult to female musicians and females in general. they hop on stage wearing their stupid little outfits and shaking it for the judges...that one girl everyone thinks is hot "kelly" can't even play guitar that well at all......they're not a band....they are a bad try at a marketing machine....they WILL probably win but the thing is the show is so awful and poorly produced that they will just be a joke for the rest of their career. but its ok....those ugly, outta shape chicks don't have a REAL rock n' roll bone in their bodies...i mean...seriously?! a "Rock" band?! they look like they work at the mall and drive cars their parents buy them. GROSS GROSS GROSS.

AshleyA. | Oct 23, 2007 7:54:01 PM | #

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Stop calling Dicko Australian. if you listen to him speak, you will notice he is ENGLISH!! i wish the show aired in Australia, its really good. it sux that i have to watch it over the net. Dot Dot Dot all the way

AB | Oct 26, 2007 5:50:45 AM | #

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The Clark Brothers ROCK!!! I used to go to a lot of their concerts in the Maritimes. I am a big fan of them! I like the fact they don't have a drummer or bass player. Although it would of been awesome to see their brothers compete with them. Just the same they are still the best. I didn't know This little light of mine had that much rythm. Way to go!!!!

Valerie King | Oct 26, 2007 7:38:52 AM | #

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AB -- I don't think I did call Dicko Australian-- I say he's British, but now living in Australia. Sorry, you have to claim him.

Audi -- You're right, Tres Bien isn't LA-based. That was a complete brain fart on my part. Sorry.

AshleyA. -- I wasn't impressed with Rocket, but I don't think they were THAT bad.

joiseygoil -- Doh! Dobro. Of course. Sorry.

Sarah | Oct 26, 2007 3:55:57 PM | #

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I was surfing the channels and saw the show for a few minutes and don't care to watch again. As far as the polka band,the show should specify what types of bands you're looking for. Ones that cater to young,mindless people who don't care if they can understand the lyrics and only respond to noise. Music in this country has taken a nosedive and it shows in our lack of culture. Hiphop is just noise and you guys don't really want good music on your show. Why don't you get four monkeys with drums and guitars and they'll do the job for you. Last but not least send Dicko back to where he came from. He's rude and insulting!

JR | Oct 27, 2007 1:55:50 AM | #

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Well, based on last night we see where the taslent really lies. Six-wire's sound was fantastic (& I'm not a country fan). Franklin Bridge was right up there. Clark Brothers are going tohave trouble with the lack of purcussion and base (though they are tight)..
Still like thr Muggs and DMHO and the LIkes of UYou. Some of the rest are garage bands but most are fun to watch (glad the shirt issue was raised). Way to back peddle Sheila!!!

Legend | Oct 27, 2007 8:46:07 AM | #

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The Clark Brothers were great.

Darla | Oct 27, 2007 10:30:40 AM | #

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muggs, or CCR 35 yrs later? look at mugs lead, then look at ccr album cover. they've had many years to practice, they're like old rock'n'roll nerds, they're great. Six wire and the clarks are very pretty and very talented. Good show all around, very entertaining. The naked tweens are going to be really hot in a few years! The rockets are an embarrasment to women everywhere. T-shirt and jeans does it if you can really sing and play. Dot Dot Dot, not not not, for me anyway. We dressed punk for halloween back in the 80's, nuff said. As for squeaky clean and the orchestra, he looks like he'd make a great dad. Just not a fan of the big band. Hootie makes BK commercials now...

Marilyn Reynolds | Oct 28, 2007 5:24:45 PM | #

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Hello? Tres Bien are NOT LA folks!! They're from Florida and are freaking awesome! They have the most amazing talent, personalities and stage presence! Best of all they're all down to earth and are extremley silly jokers! They are the best band on the show and will definetly go far! VOTE!!!

boston sara | Oct 30, 2007 10:08:58 AM | #

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tres bien has a great vibe and they are likable. rocket sucks. 99% of their recorded output was not written or performed by them ,fyi. i give them credit for trying to be a band they just need to work on thier instruments and not so much their stupid get ups. i love the teen metal band. i will gladly donate to them my old shirts if they really need them.

ben | Nov 2, 2007 10:26:46 AM | #

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