'Flash Gordon' vs. Memory lane
You know, I really wasn't expecting some of what happened on this week's Flash Gordon. And by some I mean the whole clip show thing. It snuck right up on me. At least the clips were short and concise. There wasn't nearly as much plot advancement but at least there was some important groundwork laid for the future. And a mutant birth. More on that later...
The rift alert is picking up the appearance of spoilers...
Random
rifts are opening up all over the place on Earth, letting loose little creepy
crawlers from Mongo all over town. Which means the same thing is happening
on Mongo. While the Gordon Gang deals with various creatures, Rankol seems to
have found himself a set of bagpipes and a bar of soap. Fancy. As it turns out,
part, if not all, of Ming the Flavorless dastardly plans for Earth involves
stealing our water and storing it in an aqueduct, which is why Rankol is so
desperate to perfect the rift technology.
Back
on Earth, Zarkov (who's still a little enamored with the idea of working with
Rankol) figures out that the center of all the disturbances is a motel. Cut to
the seedy, rent-by-the-hour motel in question and we see a not particularly
friendly denizen of Mongo crash a two-person party in one of the rooms. The
girl and guy scream and run out. Next, Flash, Dale and Baylin arrive to
investigate and find a Verdan walking stick. Baylin takes off one direction to
investigate and Flash and Dale go in another...and they end up in the same room
the couple just evacuated. There's some lingerie, an ugly cowboy shirt and some
alcohol and two glasses in there. Dale and Flash start picking stuff up and
laughing...which of course means Joe the Detective/Quasi-Ex-Fiancée shows up
and gets the wrong idea. Flash tries to stop him from storming out to explain but Joe
shoves him back...and they end up falling through a random rift. I guess Joe
gets to know the truth now.
Joe
starts freaking out a bit, with good reason, while Flash tells him what's been
going on. And seriously...flashbacks? Really? This early in the series?
Um...okay. Anyway, Joe's not only freaked out but he's ticked. Super ticked.
Which leads to fisticuffs. Because it always leads to fisticuffs. Shortly after reaching the They Live/"Rowdy Roddy Piper vs. Keith David - too tired to fight anymore" portion of the brawl, they get captured by Ming's troops and are
"volunteered" to work in the construction of the aqueduct.
In
the tunnels, Flash does some more storytelling (accompanied by more clips from
previous episodes) and gets to point out representatives from the three major
tribes he's met, including one of the Hawkmen who saves Flash from the
"Project Manager's" wrath. Apparently, all the Dactyls feel they owe
him a debt of honor for helping their leader find his son a few episodes back. Weak from some sort
of slow dust inhalation poisoning (like coal miners), Darren the Hawkman (at least I think that's what his name is - I couldn't really hear it) is
giving up hope, but Flash and Joe pull him through by filling his work quota.
When all is said and done, Flash uses Joe's bulletproof vest to take out the
Project Manager with his own taser-stick which allows everyone to escape.
Darren vows to tell everyone how Flash saved him -- it's yet another step in the
gathering of loyal tribes to Flash. Flash and Joe make it back to the
random rift origination point and manage to make it back home, landing on a
car. Flash face down. Ouch.
Joe
and Dale take off to talk now that he knows everything, Flash and Baylin head
off to eat hot dogs and watch baseball and Zarkov...heads back to the lab.
- Quote
of the Episode: "You know what? Nobody really knows." -- Flash to
Baylin when she asked what hot dogs were.
- Remember
that not so friendly looking Mongo visitor? Well, while Flash and Joe are getting
dusty in the tunnels of Mongo, Baylin and Dale find said visitor which turns
out to be a Deviate. Deviates start out at normal people but they end up
mutating thanks to the continuous consumption of tainted water. Some are
friendly, most or not. This particular Deviate isn't so bad...just thirsty. And
pregnant. So...Dale gets to give birth to a mutated child who's mother kills the
Project Manager after he gets shot by Joe, sucked through a rift, lands in the
birthing motel room, and threatens Dale (who's been nothing but nice). Nothing
says quality entertainment like mutant births and forced hard labor.
- Zarkov
got to save the world (at least temporarily) by figuring out how to cancel out
the random rift ripples. Of course he had to fire it in the birthing motel room
in order for it to work. He didn't react too well to the dead body or the
Deviate in the midst of labor. But he pulled through and, once the corrective
laser was fired, they got the Deviate woman to go back through with her
newborn, pushed in the Project Manager's lifeless husk, and threw the bag of
assorted critters into the last rift that opened and back to Mongo.
- I'm
so glad Joe knows about everything. I mean, I thought they'd written him off
for good but, if they're going to keep him around, he'd be much better served being
in the loop than out of it. The constant "I can't tell you" drama was
really bugging me.
- While
we're on the subject of Joe, he was also bugging me this episode. His
petulance through the majority of their being trapped was, while somewhat
understandable, extremely irritating. He kept doing stuff when Flash told him
not to -- which pretty much always resulted in him getting hit or tasered.
Seriously, why not just listen to Flash? Bitterness aside, he knows what going
on. Why fight it?
Does
this mean Dale and Joe are getting back together? I know Dale and Flash are
supposed to be together or whatever, but I'd prefer him with Baylin. They riff
off each other well. But then again, it rather seems that Baylin and Barin are
being set up to be together. Which works too.- Since
they were toiling in the tunnels, Flash and Joe were covered in dirt. I must
say, Eric Johnson looks surprisingly good covered in dirt.
Do we care what happens to
Joe? I hope they make his character a little more...involved or likable or
something so when he finally dies (at least I assume they're going to kill him),
we'll actually feel remorse. And where do you stand on the
Joe/Dale/Flash/Aura/Baylin/Barin relationship quandaries?
If the clips were a supposed to be an integral part of this episode... STOP IT, STOP IT NOW! Sure I can get with the idea that cheap shows (and, boy, this is the cheapest) must have them, but really, don't make them look as though they you threw in a couple of clips to pad out the 42 minutes of runtime at the last second.
At least they figured out how to bring back a hawkman without embarr***ing themselves -- put him in the dark, underground where he can't fly and you can't see his silly costume.
But really, the most ridiculous aspect of the whole series is that the whole planet of Mongo would probably fit into New York's Central Park. No part of Mongo is more than a gentle afternoon's stroll away from anywhere else on the planet. You get the feeling that Emperor Ming would consider it a step up if he invaded and took over Disney World.
I think Flash and Baylin have great chemistry - as do Barin and Aura...as Dale and Joe both lack heat, they can end up together no problem