'Dirty Sexy Money': Let them eat cake

Now we're cooking with gas. This week's Dirty Sexy Money evoked in my head that goofy expression my grandfather often used -- and it totally fits. I'm not in the tank for this show (though I most certainly am for Blair Underwood), but week after week I find myself more intrigued by the performances, the story, and the surprising tone -- a cross between high-minded disdain for the world of endless money and excess, and sympathy for the humanity of even the most ridiculous-seeming characters.

$2 million worth of spoilers ahead...

This week's central ridiculousness: Jeremy and Juliet's 25^th birthday party. The twins are about to inherit $25 million each from a trust from Tish's father ("their first checkbooks"), and they're ready to blow it out. But Natalie-the-bangs-enemy has come between them, and they can't agree on what to do. So they're splitting up and throwing separate parties -- but they can't possibly split the $1 million party budget ("I can't throw a party for 500 grand," Juliet whines.).  Nick believes in actually talking to them and trying to set limits, but Tripp loudly expresses his frustration and disdain at every turn. His solution: let them spend outrageously, hang themselves, and then delay the vesting of their trust another five years.

Oh and by the way, the twins aren't Tripp's. Or at least that's what we're supposed to think -- even though at the moment it's staying a secret. Tish demands to know whether Tripp has told Nick about the DNA test. "I have no intention of so doing," Tripp says.

Minor ridiculousness: Freddy wants to hold his bachelor party at the same exclusive club where Patrick held his, and Karen's fully prepared to needle and mock-extort Patrick to make it happen. "I never thought you had much of a taste for the average member," Karen purrs after Patrick acknowledges that Freddy's not exactly club-caliber. Aghast, Patrick stammers and feigns ignorance. "Your special friend -- the one with the low voice and the eyeliner," she says. Few things are more beautiful than Karen's bared claws. Bravo to the writers for giving this character more to do than be a professional divorcee who "marries low." And once again, bravo to Natalie Zea for absolutely nailing every line.

Not ridiculous: We got to see a lot more of Brian and his family this week, starting with the evening children's Bible lesson. The focus: honesty. "Of all the sins that hurt God's feelings, lying is the worst of all," Brian reads aloud. "In big ways and small ways, it eats away at the heart God gave us, and leaves us empty and sad. If we're going to be happy and go to heaven, we're going to have to tell the truth." As one who spent a lifetime in parochial school, I have to ask: Are we sure they're not Catholic? "Well, I don't think we have to tell the truth all the time. I think there are important exceptions," Brian concludes. Never mind. Question answered.

The lesson resonates with Not-Orphan-Gustav, who 'fesses up that Brian's his father. Brian's wife, Mei Ling Hwa, demands a divorce, and Brian, after some coaching by Nick, goes back and begs forgiveness. Even shattered and seeking Nick's advice, Brian can't help but take a dig at him: "You are kind of insufferable, though, with your happiness." Ultimately, Brian and Brian Jr. head home to the Darling nest, kicked out until Brian's wife makes up her mind. It's like backgammon, Tish consoles. "You live your entire life and suddenly you're thrown back to the beginning. But that's not the end of the game." Another bravo for giving Glenn Fitzgerald more screen time.

The Big Message: Nick begins to learn more about his father's relationship with Simon Elder, who's playing it pretty close to the vest and dangling tantalizing details about Dutch's relationship with the Darlings and his state of mind when he died. He's interested in the $10 million a year Tripp has given to Nick to give away -- particularly in the fact that Nick hasn't had time to grant any. Elder convinces Nick he's in danger of repeating his father's mistakes and regrets in being tied up with the Darlings. And of course he fuels Nick's suspicions about Dutch's death. "He was just about to turn the corner -- he was going to stop working for Tripp Darling and come work for me. Then his plane fell out of the sky," Elder says. "I'm saying you should start giving that 10 million dollars away. And if you can't find the time to do it then you should come work for me. Finish what your father started. There are lots of ways to use your life, Nick -- all at once, or one day at a time."

Heavy-handed stuff. But by the end Nick finds a little space to breathe and a little time to give $200,000 to a small organization looking to build a playground. He's staking a real claim on his own soul. The fight for it should be interesting.

Other highlights:

• Natalie's not pregnant -- a fact reluctantly confirmed at Jeremy's Brooklyn Bridge party. Jeremy flips out and sings "All By Myself" in his underwear on a ledge -- and thankfully avoids reenacting the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge scene from Saturday Night Fever.
• Some beautiful work by Seth Gabel (Jeremy) and Samaire Armstrong (Juliet) -- both in their individual scenes and in their scenes together. The competing parties are a scream -- Juliet goes with a candy-colored Marie Antoinette court.
• Tripp viciously bawls Jeremy out after his party, railing at what a disappointment his youngest son has been. "He has done nothing with his life since he left college except disappoint me," Tripp rails to Nick. Instead of choosing to better himself or work at a job to achieve something, he chases celebrities in hopes of getting some of their reflected glory. "Justin Tim-ber-lake... Ethan Hawke!" he spits. "Who are these people?"

What did you think? Are you finding the Simon Elder connection interesting? Do you think Tripp had a hand in Dutch's death? And what kind of birthday present do you get for two 25-year-olds who literally have everything?

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