Chinese delivery on 'Survivor'

We're a month into Survivor: China now and every episode has come down to tight votes between two equally annoying castaways. Thursday (Oct. 11) night is no different.

Pre-Credit sequence. Courtney doesn't like Jean-Robert. Jean-Robert doesn't like Courtney. Yawn. Really, Survivor producers! You're going to have to do better if you want to prevent Ugly Betty migration. Has Lunch Lady Denise said a word on camera since the premiere? I imagine this is one of those situations like with Darrah from Survivor: Pearl Island, whose Mississippi accent was so thick that they edited around her for weeks at a time.

Also from the 'No Duh' department. The warm feelings between Courtney and Jean-Robert are nothing compared to the bad blood between Dave and Sherea. At least the Fei Long rivalry is based on a mature set of differences -- She's a snarky little weakling, he's a giant, snoring mule. Dave and Sherea just like to bicker for no reason. Dave doesn't like the way Sherea separates moldy rice. Dave doesn't like the way Sherea ignores him when he asks her not to throw out his shell collection (Shell collection?!?!?). Dave thinks Sherea's the one people will blame until Frosti assures him that they hate him too. "Crazy Dave may have just worn out his welcome," Frosti says.

Chinese Take-Out. At an unexpected non-elimination Tribal Council, the reward challenge features a smorgasbord of Chinese stereotypes. Using a set of chopsticks, they have to carry fireballs to a wok to ignite fireworks. Want to know what they're playing for? A Chinese fisherman and his wife will show up to teach them fishing secrets and make them a meal. Who says you can't get Chinese delivery on Survivor? It comes down to James and Jean-Robert for Fei Long versus Dave and Eric for Zhan Hu. It's close, but Fei Long wins, snapping an episode-long losing streak. They opt to kidnap Dave. Zhan Hu looks sad about losing, but philosophical about getting to leave without self-appointed leader Dave.

Turnabout is fair play, but not Jonny Fairplay. "I feel like I'm on vacation," Dave says, upon arriving at Fei Long. Yes, he's anticipating his fishing, but even without the protein, Dave is so happy with his new home that he's embracing James, who responds "I told you about the hugging." Dave sees this as a good chance to bond with people who don't hate him, particularly using the clue to the hidden Idol as leverage. Although Todd tells the camera that Dave's a nutjob, the tiny Mormon is a political animal and in no time, he's won Dave's trust.  Dave asks Todd if he believes turnabout is fair play and when Todd agrees, he gets his second Idol clue.

While the cat's away, the mice will lounge in the sun. Although Sherea isn't sad to see Dave gone and says "I'm glad to get him out of my hair for a couple days," it doesn't take long for them to realize that Dave served his purpose. He collected water and wood and, apparently, he was the only one who knew how to light a fire.  While Eric and Jamie and Frosti putter about the camp trying to be useful, Sherea lounges around. Sherea doesn't feel like wasting energy. "I'm gonna ride the workhorse til the tails fall off, because I'm not doing anything til I have to." Well put, Sherea.

Score one for Jean-Robert. Thus far, it's been difficult to feel much warmth for Jean-Robert. But when the local Chinese family shows up at the Fei Long doorstep, guess who turns out to speak functional Mandarin? That's right, the puffy poker play. Of course, even as their savior, Jean-Robert gets on everybody's nerves by translating the family's requests as orders. James is initially annoyed, but finally admits, "He came through. I really couldn't fault him. He did good." Meanwhile, Denise (finally speaking in that expected thick accent) and Aaron go out fishing and learn about the cool fishing birds with the nooses around their neck to keep them from swallowing their catch. I learned all about this back in the day from some Newberry Medal winner or other. I'm thinking it was Young Fu of the Upper Yangtze, but I could be wrong. Anyway, the food looks to be both savory and plentiful and, as Denise says, "Flava has neva tasted so good." I'm utterly amazed that nobody makes a joke about how they're going to be hungry an hour later.

Immunity Challenge. Dave rejoins his tribe, probably stinking of garlic and simmered fish. The challenge requires that each contestant be dressed in Chinese military uniforms, throwing projectiles and breaking Ming vases, just like the members of the ancient Chinese army used to do. What was up with the wacky close-ups of the swinging hammers flying through the air? And why did Jean-Robert sit out instead of Todd? It doesn't matter, because James again proves his virtue. Fei Long wins immunity.

One gets rid of parasites, the other is a parasite. Dave is back at Zhan Hu and he's causing trouble again. Everybody's thirsty, but Dave has the nerve to suggest they might get exposed to fewer parasites by drinking from the well, rather than the lake. What nerve! Dave knows his position is precarious and he appeals to Eric, who claims to be undecided. When Jamie, Frosti, Eric and Peih-Gee get together for a water pow-wow, Sherea also senses something may be up, wisely noting, "I am concerned that me not doing as much around camp is effecting everybody's opinion." Her argument to her tribemates is "Everybody pulls their weight in different ways." Eric suggests an ideal alternative would be getting rid of both of them.

Tribal Council. Eric says he likes Dave and he has great leadership. Sherea rolls her eyes. Dave says he'd be glad to go back and not lead. Sherea rolls her eyes. Sherea says that she's been stepping up her effort at camp. Everybody rolls their eyes at once. It's clear that the vote will come down to physical tribal welfare (Dave and his anti-parasitic crusading) versus psychological tribal welfare.

The Result. Once the second vote goes against Dave, you know how this is going. He starts shaking his head immediately. This is the kind of vote that I always detest on Survivor. I wouldn't want to hang out with Dave in the real world, but if somebody wants to do work around the camp and won't be a long-term threat, you keep them around over a sloth.

How would you have voted this week? Are you excited for next week? Showmance!

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