'Voice's' Blake Shelton: Simon Cowell 'mouthing off,' 'must just have more free time than he knows what to do with'

We tend to find a lot of things to throw a party for, but none are more worthy than a soldier returning to his or her family from war. It's a life-changing celebration. And if you've tuned into Coming Home, airing Sundays on Lifetime, you know exactly what we're talking about. The previews alone will make you burst into tears. But when you realize what these families give up to go about the business of protecting our nation, seeing them come home and surprise their loved ones makes all of us feel like we're a part of that family. So if you have someone dear in our military, or just love happy homecomings, call your friends and neighbors because we're throwing a Coming Home party!

Don't get us wrong; Christmas is really nice, but it doesn't lend itself to office pools and friendly wagering. That's why we tend to think of March as the most wonderful time of the year. And when we turn on the NCAA Men's Division I Basketball Tournament - aka March Madness - Thursday and Friday on CBS, it will feel like Christmas morning over and over again - especially if there are multiple overtime games and poor officiating. So if you're like us and think hearing Jim Nantz's voice is akin to hearing Bing Crosby wish you a White Christmas, call your friends and neighbors, because we are throwing a March Madness party!

If you're a tall, thin, quirkily-attractive young woman (and/or transsexual), there is no greater honor you can achieve than winning Cycle 4,038 of America's Next Top Model, airing Wednesdays on The CW. Tyra Banks has once again found a spectacularly diverse group of young hopefuls willing to shave their eyebrows and split Tic Tacs three ways in hopes of making it to the top of the fashion world. And who can blame them? The thought of going from Nowheresville to Milan just so people can tell you how gorgeous you are sounds pretty good to us. So if you dream blush-colored dreams and like being told what's wrong with you by flamboyantly gay men, call your friends because we're throwing an America's Next Top Model party!

Some of the best things on earth take place in arenas: the circus, monster truck jams, mass Unification Church weddings, etc. So it only makes sense that we should celebrate and appreciate arenas with a TV show such as Mr. Sunshine, airing Wednesdays on ABC. And not only do we get to enjoy the spectacles of arena life, we get to see one of our favorite Friends, Matthew Perry, on a weekly basis. So if your idea of a good time is sticky soda drying on concrete floors and lines for the bathroom, call your friends and neighbors because we're throwing a Mr. Sunshine party!

Wouldn't it be nice if we were all so philanthropic as to chuck it all - our comfy homes, fancy lattes, paved roads - and head to some Third World humidor in order to help others? Maybe we could build latrines, inoculate children and research ancient remedies while making out with like-minded shirtless young doctors. That's how it works on Off the Map, airing Wednesdays on ABC. And that's the world we want to live in. If it sounds good to you, too, and you can do without the little things - such as clean water and grocery stores - call your friends and neighbors, because we're throwing an Off the Map party!

Childbirth has been around for a pretty long time, so you'd think they'd have most of the kinks worked out by now. But if you watch One Born Every Minute, airing Tuesdays on Lifetime, you'll think the Keystone Cops opened a neonatal unit. From dilating future moms looking to unload their precious bundle to expectant fathers ready to start the emotional scarring before the kid hits the atmosphere, this show makes you believe almost anyone can create a baby. It seems all the breathing exercises in the world won't prepare an orifice for a nine-pound screamer. So if you love the miracle of childbirth but prefer to experience it from the comfort of your couch, call your friends, because we're throwing a One Born Every Minute party!