Golden Globes 2014: Hosts Tina Fey, Amy Poehler's best lines from the night
"The Saturday Night Live" alums completely killed it in their show-opening monologue, and kept it up all night long. Here are their best lines/bits from the awards show:
"Welcome to the 71st annual Tina Fey and Amy Poehler Lee Daniels' 'The Butler' Golden Globe Awards." -- Fey
"Matt Damon, on any other night, you would be a big deal. But don't take this the wrong way, tonight you're a garbage person." -- Poehler
"Intersting fact, the original title of that movie was 'Explosion at the Wig Factory.'" -- Fey talking about "American Hustle"
"The story of how George Clooney would rather float away and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age." -- Fey talking about "Gravity"
"I believe Amy Poehler is here tonight, can we get a shot of her? Wow, it is hard to believe she is a 42-year-old mother of two." -- Poehler talking about herself while the camera showed Jennifer Lawrence
"Interestingly enough, Julia Louis-Dreyfus is sitting in the film section tonight. Julia, hi Julia, you know us from TV." -- Fey
"Wow, she's really changed. Just gross." -- Poehler after Louis-Dreyfus ignored them, wearing sunglasses smoking an electronic cigarette
"For his role in 'Dallas Buyers Club,' he lost 45 lbs. Or what actresses call, being in a movie." Fey talking about Matthew McConaughey
"I thought it was a little graphic for my tastes. If I wanted to see Jonah Hill masturbate at a pool party, I would go to a Jonah Hill pool party." -- Poehler talking about "Wolf of Wall Street"
"Enjoy it while you can Netflix, because you won't be feeling so smug in a few years when Snapchat is up here accepting awards." -- Poehler talking about Netflix's success this year
Mr. Golden Globes
Sosie Bacon had the honor of being Miss Golden Globes 2014, but in the name of gender equality, Fey introduced someone special as Mr. Golden Globes 2014: her adult son from a previous relationship, Randy ... a.k.a. Poehler in a tux and Justin Bieber-style wig.
Introducing presenters in the best way possible
"I just want to congratulate my friend, Amy Poehler. I love you, and there's a special place in hell for you." -- Fey congratulating her co-host while also getting in a dig at Taylor Swift
"And now, like a supermodel's vagina, let's all give a warm welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio." -- Fey
Winning in style
After Poehler won a Golden Globe for Best Actress -- TV Musical or Comedy for "Parks and Recreation," she also got a shoulder rub -- and a makeout session -- with Bono. Because winning the award just wasn't enough -- she had to win the best out of everyone else, too.
So is everyone in agreement that Poehler and Fey should host everything from now on? Cool? Cool.