'The Bachelorette': The Hometown Dates are chosen

It feels like we've been away from Ashley and her men for so long, doesn't it? For the most recent "Bachelorette" episode, the gang is in Taipei, Taiwan. It is also a big week - the four who advance get Hometown Dates. Oooh.

Chris Harrison informs them there will be three one-on-ones this week and a group date, but only a rose on the group date. Yeah, that would take the suspense out of the Rose Ceremony, huh? "You four have roses, you two ... don't, so see ya!"

Constantine's Date

Ashley and Constantine take a steam engine to a small village. That is super cool. The editors also don't miss a beat when they juxtapose Ashley slyly asking Constantine if he's "looking for love" and then showing the train going into a tunnel. Yay editors.

It's a lantern festival, where you write wishes on a lantern and release them into the air so the wishes come true. That's a neat way to experience the Taiwanese culture. At dinner, he wonders what she sees in him and she says she's physically attracted - and then a storm warning cuts into my TV coverage.

Ben's Date

I also miss the first part of Ben's date due to storm warnings. I apologize. It looks like they got to go scootering, which is cute and fun. Full of whimsy.

But anyway, Ashley and Ben seem to have a nice dinner. He says he's "teetering" on feeling more for her than just liking her, which might be a little less than what Ashley wants to hear at this point, but he sounds like he's in it to try and wants her to meet his mom and sister on the Hometown Dates. So they make out a bunch and Ben doesn't come home until the next morning. Oooh. Did we find out exactly what happened? Did he stay with her? I missed that too. Damn storms.

Group Date

Ames, J.P. and Lucas are the group daters. And it's time for Ashley to bust out her creepy wedding-themed date again. For this one, they're taking wedding photos. "Are you guys excited?" " ....... yeah, sure, yeah, sounds fun."

At least they are wearing traditional Taiwanese wedding garb, so it's a little less creepy. Wait, except - Lucas gets a traditional outfit, but then Ames gets a prom tux from 1976, so I'm confused. And then J.P. gets a James Bond tux. Man, that is so unfair. Lucas and Ames look ridiculous and J.P. looks like a sex bomb.

But that does not placate J.P.! He is pouting like a little girl because Ashley is kissing Lucas and Ames in their pictures. I like J.P., he's a great match for Ashley, but he needs to suck it up a little. He knows how this show works. And he's so pouty that his picture session with Ashley totally stinks. Well done, J.P. Lucas rightly points out that had J.P. gotten stuck with a crappy outfit like he and Ames did, J.P.'s hissy fit would have been a sight to behold. Um, yeah.

After the weirdo wedding photos activity (seriously Ashley, stop it), the foursome head to a cocktail party. Lucas gets one-on-one time first and he says he felt "foolish" on the date. And yeah, it was a stupid activity. But he reassures her that he won't have trouble getting remarried because he wants kids.

J.P. takes some one-on-one time and confesses about being uncomfortable on a Group Date now after their last one-on-one date. Ashley really likes what he says, which it is flattering, but it also (to me) makes him seem a little whiny. But Ashley is clearly smitten and she's so needy in the sense of wanting the guys to want HER and not Emily or Chantal that a little jealousy on J.P.'s part must make her feel very good about herself. So naturally he gets the rose.

Ryan's Date

They first head to a temple and it's very moving for Ryan, as I would imagine it would be for anyone. A little voyeuristic for my taste, but that's really what this show is all about, amiright?

At the match-making wall, they make a wish to the match-making God and toss their bricks, but the bricks match, so that means the wishes won't come true. It would've been funny if Ashley had just been like, "Aw well. See you later, Ry." and walked away.

Ryan is very excited for Ashley to meet his family, but she's not so sure yet because their relationship is still fairly superficial. Hmm.

I don't get the sense Lucas will get a rose, so is the final rose between Ames and Ryan at this point? Because obviously Constantine and Ben are getting roses.

After their tour of Taipei, they eat in the great outdoors and Ryan wants to hear about how green Ashley is. Heh, that's kinda awesome. She confesses to not be that knowledgeable about being green and so she asks him to teach her something. He busts out water heaters. They hilariously make his speech tune down while she talks about having no spark with Ryan. Yeah, I think Ames is going to get the rose.

And then Ashley sends Ryan packing on the spot. Ha! Oh, Ryan. You'll be OK. You're cute and smart and conscientious and happy, a girl would be lucky to have you. Seriously, I dig Ryan. And he's super heartbroken at Ashley dumping him, aww.

I don't really want to watch him be the next Bachelor, but I hope he finds a nice lady. I like Ryan. In his exit interview, he gets all choked up and even my cold black heart melts a little. OK, maybe I'd watch him as a Bachelor. Aww, Ryan. Don't cry!

Cocktail Party

Ashley is rocking the goddess look in a gorgeous dress. Before the party, Ashley sits down with Chris for weekly therapy. She says she knows her decision tonight and doesn't need the cocktail party. Also, we have to say broadcast time for Emily to look pretty and cry for 20 minutes, so there's that too.

Lucas is totally gone, I think.

Rose Ceremony

J.P. has a rose, and the other three go to Constantine, Ben and ... Ames. Yeah.

No big surprises this week. Next week - Hometown Dates, which is probably my most favorite episode of the "Bachelor"/"Bachelorette" franchise. Hopefully there's a taxidermist or a pigeon funeral just around the corner!

And just in case you're wondering - Emily's interview got its own separate recap because it was just. that. special.