'America's Next Top Model'

If you're a tall, thin, quirkily-attractive young woman (and/or transsexual), there is no greater honor you can achieve than winning Cycle 4,038 of America's Next Top Model, airing Wednesdays on The CW. Tyra Banks has once again found a spectacularly diverse group of young hopefuls willing to shave their eyebrows and split Tic Tacs three ways in hopes of making it to the top of the fashion world. And who can blame them? The thought of going from Nowheresville to Milan just so people can tell you how gorgeous you are sounds pretty good to us. So if you dream blush-colored dreams and like being told what's wrong with you by flamboyantly gay men, call your friends because we're throwing an America's Next Top Model party!

Setting the scene:
Girl (and/or guy), you better work it! And to help guests achieve their goal of being America's Next Top Model, you're going to need a semiprofessional photographer, a seamless white backdrop, soft lights, props, a rack of various clothes and a makeup station. Hang magazine covers everywhere (be sure to have a least a few featuring Tyra, or she'll beat you) and hire a local makeup artist to help turn guest's eyes into deep black caverns and their cheekbones into dangerous weapons. Have a makeshift runway placed in the middle of the room so guests can show their skills on the catwalk. But to make things more interesting, have a variety of large-size high heels on hand so that even the guys can walk the walk. As always, test guests' bob-and-weave skills with the Naomi Campbell Cell Phone Toss game - "assistants" who successfully dodge the phones win prizes such as spa gift certificates and DVDs of past cycles of "ANTM."

Attire:
Guests should be asked to come dressed as a top model or Jay Manuel, Andre Leon Talley or Miss J Alexander. Warn everyone that testosterone will not be tolerated!

On the menu:
Aspiring models are often put on strict diets of bottled water and secondhand smoke. But since we don't want anyone to crack and this to turn into a Donner party, go with veggie platters, baked fish, salads and green tea.

On the hi-fi:
Supermodel (You Better Work) by RuPaul, Fashion by Lady Gaga, Shake Ya Booty by Tyra Banks, Love and Tears by Naomi Campbell, Freedom! '90 by George Michael, Wannabe by the Spice Girls, Glamorous by Fergie.

The showstopper:
We expect there to be some fabulous photos taken during this shindig of guests all dolled up and glamorized, so why not go over-the-top and have those photos turned into personalized shower curtains? For a mere $160 each, you can turn the photos into life-size magazine cover/shower curtains! Miss J would love it!