Almost the Bradys! (sort of)

You can always count on family. And when that family is the Kardashians of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, airing Sundays on E! Entertainment Television, what you can count on is one sister doing something that offends your sensibilities and the sensibilities of the other two sisters - who lack sensibility 23 hours a day (the 24th hour they're in hair and makeup). But at least they're there for one another when the going gets tough (if the cameras are rolling), and that's what matters. So if you love family (and sex tapes, out-of-wedlock pregnancies, dubious marriages, plastic surgery and the Olympics), call your friends and neighbors because it's party time!

Setting the scene:
Back in 1976, Bruce Jenner was kicking butt in Montreal and had the world at his feet. He could run. He could throw. He could jump. Thirty-four years later, we are left scratching our heads wondering why he doesn't run away, throw them out or jump off the nearest bridge. Kim, Kourtney and Khloe are reason enough to decorate this shindig in a rubber-room theme, but since the girls have made their names in the boudoir, we want to move a king-size bed into a living room replete with cream-colored satin sheets and more pillows than Bed, Bath & Beyond. For giggles, add a video camera on a tripod to capture your guests' impersonations of the Kardashians (and Ray J, Lamar Odom, Scott Disick, Reggie Bush, et al.). Add a used wedding dress, a fading bouquet and some napkins with "Khloe and Lamar 2009" written on them along with baby rattles, diapers and a bassinet to honor the arrival of Mason Dash Disick. Hang a gold medal from the '76 Summer Olympics over the toilet in the bathroom. A few posters of Kim couldn't hurt either. Party favors should include QuickTrim and Kim's workout DVD, Fit in Your Jeans by Friday.

Attire:
Our biggest fear is that the Kardashians end up on the street, so encourage guests to do their part by shopping for items from their fashion concerns: Dash, ShoeDazzle and Smooch.

On the menu:
Wheaties and leftover wedding cake from Khloe's and Lamar's special day.

On the hi-fi:
Kim Kardashian by Lil' Flip, definitely some stuff from Ray J and anything from Kim's MySpace music profile.

The showstopper:
Since all the girls seem to be pretty busy right now, and we don't find Rob all that interesting, why not have Bruce come to the party and give a motivational speech? He gives more motivational speeches than Lindsay Lohan's moral adviser! (And with greater success.) Contact his management team at PMG Sports for more info.