Ex-'American Idol' judge Paula Abdul on her talk show: 'It would be insightful'

Former "American Idol" judge Paula Abdul thinks she'd make a great talk show host. Hmmm.

On Monday, Paula Abdul espoused her various talk-show host qualifications to Extra. Zap2it would like to provide our own commentary about the Paula-speak.

1. "I have really great ideas" and she hopes to do a talk show in the next two to three years.

Well... we don't know what "great ideas" have to do with a talk show. Plenty of people have talk shows who we are pretty sure have never had an idea one could consider "great."

2. "It would be fun and quirky and it would be insightful."

Insightful like "You awakened the spirit in all of us with your unique way of Allenizing the song" and "You dare to dance in the path of greatness?"

3. "I've proven to pierce the heartstrings, but also to be celebratory and bring out the best in people."

Pierce the heartstrings? Is this like when she told David Archuleta she wanted to dangle his head from her rearview mirror? I think Paula Abdul secretly wants to kill us all.

4. "Like 'American Idol,' there's a place and time that makes history. That's Oprah."

Yes, we're fairly confident "history" is made up of places and times.

Oh Paula. We love you. And we're fairly sure a Paula Abdul talk show would be a train wreck we just could not pull our eyes away from and would probably end up on "The Soup" a lot. Sort of like a less-in-on-the-joke Wendy Williams.

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