'Millionaire Matchmaker': Valentine's advice, gay clientele and straight hair

Even if you're not a client, Patti Stanger, The Millionaire Matchmaker, still has advice for the lovelorn this Valentine's Day.

"If you're single and you don't feel uncomfortable going out, it's really a great time to meet a guy because he doesn't have a girlfriend," she recommends. "Unless she's in the Army. Really, think about it. And if he did have a girlfriend, what's he doing out? So you have to look at it like that. If you're a guy, it's a wet dream. I mean, come on, all these women are desperate and they don't have boyfriends. Either way it works.

"But if you're one of those that really resents Valentine's Day," she continues, "and you really feel uncomfortable and you don't want anyone knowing that you're single, stay home. Get your favorite movie. Get in your PJs. Get your favorite foods. Make an evening at your girlfriends' house."

And couples, even though Stanger will leave Valentine's Day plans up to you, she does have a recommendation for an activity to do together later.

"I just saw the best one in the whole wide world," she raves. "It's not for women only, it's also for men. It's called, I Love You, Man with Paul Rudd. It is hysterical. Your guys are going to love it. You know how guys hate taking girls to romantic comedies. This is a comedy for both genders, and you'll laugh your asses off."

The Millionaire Matchmaker returns for its second season on Thursday, Feb. 12 on Bravo.

On the new season, Stanger doesn't just focus on straight male millionaires, but also extends her services to two millionairesses and a gay millionaire as well. In an interview with Zap2it, she gives an idea of what's to come, courtship and love, and what services she can recommend those who aren't quite making the millions just yet.

Is it true that since the economy's down, people are really looking for love -- online and with matchmaking?
Stanger: Yes, that's true. On 20/20 they did a special about love and said that Internet matchmaking is going to reach the billion-dollar mark in March. So they say there are more people online. The problem is marriage is down by 50 percent. So obviously we're hit-and-missing too much and we're getting frustrated in the process.

Stanger: That's why my book Become Your Own Matchmaker tells you what not to do and what to do. I cut out all the fat. I focus strictly on how to qualify the people that you're dating, you know, qualify your buyer. And I basically tell you not to waste time anymore.

Will we be seeing a client from your gay division this season?
Stanger: That's the last episode and it's actually my favorite episode. I love Kevin Granger who was our gay millionaire. I absolutely adored him. And I loved [how the process] was lighthearted and fun. The gays don't take everything so seriously. They don't get angry and mad and pissy. They're really like, "Eh, I slept with him. Next." They don't get so stuck on one person, so -- you still get your heart broken, but you get over it quicker.

Stanger: The hardest part of matching them up is their not having sex. It's so impossible to do. I want them to get to know the person before they have sex with them, and it's really hard for them to do the reverse. They still want to have sex and then get to know them.

Are your matchmaking instincts the same when it comes to gay couples?
Stanger: I was worried about that because I'm not a specialist in that area, but I'm learning. And I'm pretty much getting better at fine-tuning what I need to do for them. I was worried because I didn't really understand "like attracts like." In the gays, it's really predominant: Whatever they are, they want the same as them. They don't want the opposite a lot of times. If a guy was 6'2" and big and burly, I was thinking he'd want a little guy. No. He was like, "I want a big, burly 6'3" guy." I'm learning they like to mirror themselves more than regular straight people [do].

Why are so many of your millionaires on the show jerks or, as you call them, "fame whores"?
Stanger: Well yes, they have agendas and they have their business to get off the ground.  A lot times, 99 percent of my clientele will not go on camera. They want to keep it confidential. They don't want their ex-wives knowing. This is a very personal matter. The ones that went on, obviously, for personal reasons or whatever, they had agendas. But that doesn't make them less deserving of love just because they use TV as a medium.

We see repeat offenders return like the ageist Harold and Paul, who had proposed to Cidney in last season's finale.
Stanger: But you saw that first episode back [that Cidney and Paul broke up]. Cidney had gotten engaged to someone [else] I fixed her up with. And she's now getting married. Seven-carat ring. [Paul] wouldn't give her the ring. I counseled him all year long. I said, "You're going to lose her."

Do you ever drop these clients who never seem to get it?
Stanger: I have a right to refuse service and I have a right to cancel their contract at any time I want if they don't abide by the rules of the club. And I rarely do it unless it's somebody extreme. We had a guy once who had an alcoholic problem. I said to him, "Unless you get in AA, give me a doctor's note and don't drink for two years, your membership's revoked." So if it's serious in nature, I will. But if it's somebody like him [Paul], I'll just kick him six ways to sideways to figure it out so he starts to get the message.

You're generally coaching men on the show, but what consulting and coaching do you give the women?
Stanger: Women need to hike up the skirt, show off the heels and the legs, break out the assets, whether it's the booty or your breasts. They need to show something that's going to attract the man. Dressing down and wearing baggy clothes and getting your hair cut short and not wearing lipgloss -- just thinking he's just going to love you for your heart inside, like those granola munchers do in San Francisco -- it's not going to happen. You have to make them -- it's like you've got to entice them like you're going for a job interview. When you go to a job interview, you dress up, you look your best so that they'll hire you. It's no different from when you're dating.

So even if a guy claims he likes a natural woman who would go camping, he still needs to see pretty first?
Stanger: I'm not saying you can't put jeans and t-shirt on and blow your hair out straight and put a rosy glow on. I'm not saying that. What I'm saying is that you have to dress for the type of man you're attracted to. If he's a logger, he's not going to be in Wall Street in a suit. So you have to figure out what kind of man you like, and then go where they go and dress to mirror him.

On the show, you said for the most part, men want straight hair. Is that true?
Stanger: Yes. They're not talking about the wave. You know if you look at Kate Hudson. She does the wave. We're not talking about that because that's still silky hair. But when it's curly and kinky and frizzy and it looks like a rat's nest, he doesn't want to get there.

Do you have a service for non-millionaires?
Stanger: I have another division, a non-millionaire division. We're also associated with The Matchmaking Institute, which is based out of New York. It's where the matchmakers go to register for business, and we can find a guy a matchmaker locally in his own area that has been pre-screened. Great Expectations is great way to go too. They've been around for over 30 years. They're still in business. They're still everywhere. 

How do you give a wake-up call to those who are unrealistic about who they date regarding age or looks, but really do want love?
Stanger: Basically what you have to do is really give them what they want. When that girls says, "I don't want you," then they start to get on their knees and go, "Okay, what am I doing wrong?" Most people should be dating an 8 not a 10. Because you're supposed to go two points up and two points down, no more than that. So if you're a 6, you date an 8 or you date a 4, in that range. And people who want that Perfect 10, this and that and this, it's like, "Why do you want that so much? Are you that good looking? I highly doubt it." They're just really narcissistic.

For more on Patti Stanger's services, check out the Millionaire's Club.

Your thoughts? Do you think Stanger's views on the different genders are accurate? Do you think the female or gay millionaires require a different set of matchmaking skills?
Patti Stanger photos (c)Randee St. Nicholas