'13 - Fear Is Real' Review

Don't watch 13 - Fear Is Real alone. No, it's not scary -- at all -- but you'll need to provide snarky commentary to enhance the entertainment of watching real people act just as silly as the folks in horror movies do.

The concept is simple: Thirteen people of varying levels of attractiveness, nubility and chutzpah have been stranded in a Louisiana bayou. A disembodied, computerized voice known as The Mastermind growls at the contestants, telling them what to do and threatening them with fake death.

In each episode's first challenge, the Group Ritual, the contestants are forced to face their their fears. Those who don't prove up to the challenge go to the elimination challenge, aka the Execution Ceremony, in which only one "survives." Last person alive wins $66,666. Nifty, eh?

There's a twist of course, a rather predictable one, but it nevertheless adds to the group's paranoia, which generally makes for desperate/sloppy/amusing strategies and loud, outraged finger-pointing.

The creatively spelled Steffinnie from Laos (above) makes one of the most brilliant and then boneheaded moves in the game during the first episode that had me yelling at her. She better redeem herself or I'll be rooting for her to get executed.

Another standout is Leah, who is so scared of the dark, she takes a running start to bed -- to avoid those monsters underneath. She thinks being on the show is a great way to overcome her fears, but during the first Group Ritual, she's doing everything but cry out for Mommy and soil herself.

If I were another contestant, I'd spook Leah just for the fun of it. And strategy too. Yeah.

Cody, the pierced ghosthunter, seems to be the resident horror expert, unfazed by everything except for the fact that his mohawk appears to be droopy out in the humidity. It'll be interesting to see if he gets his comeuppance.

As previously mentioned, the problem with 13 - Fear Is Real -- from producers Sam Raimi and Jay Bienstock -- is that it's not scary in the slightest. The horror movie conventions such as "blood"-stained walls, mysterious phone calls and words from the grave (those going to the Execution Ceremony must pre-record a farewell message to play in the event of their "death"), just come off as cheesy.

This is not to say the situations aren't pretty scary since they play off your worst enemy -- your mind. Being claustrophobic, I know I would NOT enjoy being buried alive for any period of time, but watching this from the comfort of my own couch? Yawn. Pass the popcorn.

It's mildly amusing seeing just how the mind games take over the competitors, but the show would be more accurately named 13 - Fear Is Implied. No amount of creative camerawork, musical stings or dicey situations will make you cringe, but The CW will be on the edge of their seat hoping that the last of their new original programming of the season survives.

Check out the 13 -  Fear Is Real photos.

What did you think of the show? Who do you think is smart? What's your worst fear? How well do you think you'd do on the show?