'Lost': Eggtown

I think if there were a Top Ten list of places I'd least like to visit, Eggtown would have to be somewhere on that list. It's a place where little of interest happens, and what does happen stretches credulity to its absolute limit. While I'm not a Kate hatah, no Kate-centric ep has ever thrilled me. Or even particularly interested me. And this is the worst one of all. Hang in there, Lost fans. We're one ep away from greatness. We just gotta get through this one first.

(Check out my original take here.)

Eggtown

4) In Short

"Humpty Dumpy sat on a sonic fence..."

8) On the Island

It's a beautiful day, John Locke. Don't let it get away! He wakes up in Ben's bed, makes some breakfast, pulls the novel VALIS off the shelf, and brings Ben breakfast in...well, not bed, that's for sure. More like Anthony Cooper's old flat under the bungalow. John tells Ben he gets the last two eggs in New Otherton. Locke tells Ben he wants him under his supervision, so Ben has maximum access to mess with his mind. Or something. It's all a bit weird, this thinking.

Locke plugs Ben for information about Miles, in that Ben purports to be the Korbi Ghosh of freighter scoop. Ben marvels at the déjà vu of it all, with Ben's own house now serving as the Swan. Locke leaves, having once again been sufficiently messed up by Ben's words. Honestly, it's like me getting over my fear of Celine Dion by playing the closing credits of Titanic as often as possible.

Kate and Claire share some coffee on the porch of a nearby bungalow, in matching Dharma mugs. Sawyer notes how odd the situation is, and he's right: it's bizarre to watch these people in semi-civilization. He's also a bit peeved she's clearly there for reasons other than shacking up with his hot Southern self.

On the beach, Jin and Sun are discussing places to live once rescued. Jin wants to live anywhere but Seoul; Sun wants to live only in Seoul. I'd say these are the types of things one talks about before getting preggers, but I'll give them a pass, as the baby books almost never deal with Island-induced super sperm. Their discussion gets interrupted when Crazy Eyes Shephard shows up with Crazy Head Faraday and, um, Red Head Lewis. Sun's surprised to learn Kate is no longer with them.

Kate visits Locke, looking to speak to Miles. She's surprised when Locke denies her request. Locke retorts that New (New) Otherton is not a democracy, which perfectly keeps in line with this "whoever wants to come with me, come along" attitude of season 3. Sigh. Kate finds Hurley walking with some iced tea, and tricks him into telling her that Miles is in the boat house.

When Kate gets there, she finds him tied up to a chair. She wants to know if Miles knows who she is. (2 4 6 0 1!!!!!!!) He agrees to let her know if she helps him do one favor. He doesn't want to leave, stating he's exactly where he wants to be. Rather, he wants Kate to bring him the head of Ben Linus. With, like, the rest of him attached to it.

Juliet, stoked to have a line this season, suggests that Jack try to call 911 on the sat phone. Sun senses a little tension between them, and is less than thrilled to learn Sayid hasn't phoned home, so to speak. She openly questions Jack's decision-making skills, using Kate as a barometer for sanity. God save them all.

Kate's still Pleasantville-ing it up with Claire, as the two hang laundry in the main area of New Otherton. When Aaron cries, Claire asks her to tend to the child. Kate reacts to the boy the way I react to vegetables and Alex Rodriguez. While Kate admires how well Claire takes care of the child, Claire notes that she never thought she'd excel at handling a bay-bee.

Hurley and Sawyer are settling into another night in New Otherton when Kate comes a' knockin'. And when Kate comes a' knockin', what else is there to do but drink boxed wine? Sawyer knows all too well she's there for more than the booze, and asks her to state her reasons for being there. She wants his help busting Ben out.

Sawyer heads over to Locke, backgammon board in tow. As they set up the game, Locke asks Sawyer if he thinks he's doing the right thing. Sawyer says he's safer there than on the beach, but worries about Kate. He confesses what Kate told him, which sends the two of them heading towards the boathouse. However, when they get there, they are surprised to find the boathouse empty. Kate, for her part, is already back at Ben's house, leading Miles into the basement. She shoots open the lock to Ben's room and leads Miles in for his one minute.

Miles asks Ben if he knows who he is, and who he works for. Ben nods in agreement. Miles offers to lie to said employer...for $3.2 million dollars. Ben's amused by the specificity of the request, which angers Miles. He yells at Ben to not treat him like the other survivors, as if he doesn't know what he's capable of doing. He even agrees to "take care" of Charlotte to protect the truth if Ben gets him the money in one week. After Kate drags him out of the room, Miles confesses to knowing everything about Kate: her name, her past, her current legal situation. He suggests that she stay put on the Island. While leaving the house, Locke bursts through the door, and orders Kate back to her house while holding Miles at gunpoint.

Back at Claire's house, Locke asks for a moment alone with Kate. He wants to know what Miles and Ben said to each other. After she does so, he goes all Jeff Probst on her and banishes her from New Otherton, wanting her gone by morning. Feeling that twang of pity between her...um, ears, she heads to Sawyer's bed. He owns up to aiding her deception of Locke earlier, and "unbanishes" her, much to the happiness of my wife. "He's very charming when he wants to be," she's crooning/swooning. Good God. But obviously, I'm not wired for Sawyer. Kate is, so smoochies commence.

Back on the beach, Charlotte and Faraday are conducting a memory test using three Dharma cards. He gets two out of three right, which Charlotte calls "progress." I'm intrigued, but Jack doesn't share my curiosity: he wants to know why no one on the boat is answering their call. Charlotte mentions an emergency line, which Juliet suggests that she uses. While on speaker, Regina reveals that Lapidus and company aren't there. In fact, Regina thought the chopper was still on the Island.

The following morning, Locke visits Miles in the boathouse. Before Miles can fully explain his side of the story, Locke shoves a grenade, pulls the pin, and introduces himself as the protector of the Island. Guess this is what passes for breakfast in an eggless town.

Across New Otherton, there's mucho half-naked spoonage going on. Kate doesn't want to go all the way, lest the cheerleaders call her a ho or something. Turns out they didn't go all the way last night, either, and once again Sawyer gets angry about the pregnant possibility. He's also a LITTLE too excited to learn she's in fact not pregnant, which sends her all but sprinting back to the beach. When he angrily states he'll be waiting when she bounces back from Jack in a week, she smacks the holy hell out of him and leaves.

15) Off the Island

Kate sits in a car with her lawyer, asking if there's a back entrance. The lawyer insists she walk through the crowd, head held high. Wearing dark sunglasses, she makes her way through the frenzied crowd, who are all mistaking her for the Jonas Brothers. She's led inside to the courtroom, where she's accused of approximately 2,342 crimes against humans, and humanity (this episode counts towards the latter).

After Kate pleads not guilty, the public attorney moves for Kate to be remanded for the duration of the trial, noting she's the very definition of a "flight risk." Well, only if you're going somewhere, because she's totally coming with you if you do. The judge agrees, and decides Kate should stay under lockdown for the duration of the trial. Between Hurley's earlier chase and this trial, I'm starting to wonder of the J in O.J. Simpson stands for "Jacob."

Kate meets up with her lawyer, who tells her that the D.A. is trying the case personally. He wants to cut a deal; she says she only cuts and runs. He also tells her that her mother is the D.A.'s star witness, leaving him little room to win. He argues that to win the case, she wants "him" in the courthouse. The "him"? Her son. OH NOES, THE DRAMA.

There's disorder in the court, y'all. Kate's lawyer has a trick up his sleeve. That trick? Crazy Eyes! He's not looking too crazy, actually. He's clean-shaven, wearing a very Christian-esque suit, and is there as a character witness on Kate's behalf. Jack tells an intriguing version of the events of September 2004: according to Jack, they crashed in the ocean, not on the Island. In fact, according to Jack, only eight people survived the crash, thanks to Kate's help primarily. Kate looks like she's going to throw up as Jack tells his tale. She stands up, begging the judge to stop his testimony. Upon cross-examination, the D.A. has only one question: does Jack lurve Kate? He replies, "No. Not anymore." Jack suddenly looks thirsty.

In a backroom of the courthouse, Kate comes face to face with her mother. She's in a wheelchair, with a breathing tube in her nose. She looks quite different from the last time we have seen her. She wants to know if her daughter really is a hero, the way Jack describes it. Kate's still a wee bit miffed about the whole "Momma called the cops on me last time I saw her" thing. Why is she there now? Her attitude changed after Kate was declared dead, and she doesn't have long to live. She doesn't want to testify against her daughter, but wants to see her grandson in return. A class-A beeyotch to the end, Kate's mom.

The D.A. asks to approach the bench. Turns out Kate's mother is too ill to testify at that time, which prompts a recess. In the back, the two sides try to cut a deal. The D.A. is in a bind, so she eventually offers time served and 10 years probation to be served in the state. Because apparently a crime spree across 17 states and four continents couldn't hold up in court minus a sick woman with loud breathing on the stand. Against her lawyer's wish, Kate accepts, stating that due to her child, she's not going anywhere. At least until Season 5.

After leaving the court, Jack springs out from his truck to greet her. She thanks him for helping her in court, telling him she's heard him say that story so many times she wonders if he actually believes it. He confesses he lied on the stand. Not about the eight survivors, I mean, yes, that too, but the love part. She asks him to come back, and he gets the sweats. She tells them that until he "wants" to see the baby, there's no chance for them as a couple. There's a standing offer to visit, but Kate leaves thinking he'll never show.

When Kate arrives at home, she greets her nanny inside a pretty sweet looking house. Go, Oceanic settlement! Kate goes up to see her child, and to the surprise of about 11 people, we see that it's Aaron. I think it's a rule in Lost that if you raise a baby that's not biologically yours, you're forbidden from actually changing its name once obtaining it through nefarious/dramatic means.

16) The Moment

Love that little card scene, even if I originally completely mistook it for an ESP demonstration.

23) The Mythology

Since we know the meaning behind the trial, as well as Faraday's Swiss cheesed-noggin, I want to think aloud briefly about life in New Otherton. Because what currently passes as "normal" for Locke's Lostaways is only such due to their perspective. And perspective is what potentially sheds some light upon The Others.

Perspective is a huge part of Season 4, not only in terms of the way in which we as viewers trying to juggle multiple perspectives from multiple timelines, but just how the various factions on and off the Island view each other. As I mentioned before, the word "Others" was a clever way for the show to literally talk about the effect perspective can have in defining another person or group of people. It's a way to in effect dehumanize them, lumping them into a set of preconceived notions.

So, when Ben tells Michael at the Pala Ferry that the Others are "the good guys," we initially scoff. When we further learn these hillbillies in fact conduct book clubs inside Club Med, we act appalled. But now that the Lostaways in general (and Locke's fashion in particular) live and act as Others, what does that make them? Are Kate and Claire any less moral than, say, Harper and Colleen? What if it were Ben feeding Bernard a grenade sandwich?

It's very easy to question the actions and motivations of others/Others when we don't know the full story. This isn't some "One to Grow On" type lesson from Lost, but it does make the viewing audience rethink a lot of what's previously transpired on the show when we see our "heroes" acting very much like their supposed opposition.

42) In Retrospect

I fear for Miles' $3.2 million the way reader JeffC fears for the glass eye: it's one of those little mysteries that will most likely never, ever be solved. And yet, we hold out hope. I'm just praying we get a Season 5 flashback in which Miles learns about the money while ghostbusting.

108) In Summary

Sweet Jeebus, but this is awful. I'm thinking third-worst episode ever, if I had a grenade in my mouth and were forced to make a judgment call. While there's dramatic interest in having Kate off the Island, there's no real logical reason for her to leave. More than one person points out to her that leaving would entail returning to her criminal past, and know what? She's indeed all Fiona Apple-d upon return to civilization. Moreover, that might have been the single worst court case ever committed to television. I shouldn't be shouting, "THIS MAKES NO SENSE" throughout the entire flashforward. That's not a good sign.

Luckily, all this is washed away with what comes next. Des reaches the Kahana, and makes a phone call that makes me cry a whole lot. Can't wait.

Leave your thoughts about this episode below!

Ryan also posts every 108 minutes over at Boob Tube Dude, then peruses Zap2It's Guide to Lost Facebook group. He also encourages you to join the all-new Zap2It's Guide to Lost Twitter feed. Pretty soon he'll have as many platforms as Sayid has dead girlfriends.