The 60th Emmy Awards show: Every last detail

We here at Zap2it can't recall a time when we've been less collectively interested in the Emmys. Sure, we're stoked that Mad Men and 30 Rock are up for scads of awards, but the honors have been kind of off the radar for us.

But it is, after all, the big fancy night for the TV biz to pat itself on the back, and there's the distincht possibility of cover-your-eyes weirdness with the rotating group of five nominee-hosts. So as is our custom around here, we'll bring you the whole ceremony in live-blog form. Rick will be your tour guide for the first hour.

8 p.m. ET: The show opens with a bunch of stars saying a bunch of famous lines. Jorge Garcia saying "De plane, de plane" and Helen Mirren doing Archie Bunker work best for me.

8:01: Hey, Oprah! She gets to do the opening blather. And plugs the book club. Yeah, yeah.

8:03: Ladies and gentlemen, your five-headed host collective. Why oh why is Heidi Klum wearing a tux? Millions of men across America just turned off their sets.

8:06: The hosts keep saying "We got nothing." No kidding. But those of you who had this time in the "first Sarah Palin joke" pool, congratulations.

8:08: And here is Heidi in her teeny-tiny dress, with her mile-long legs.

8:09: Tina Fey and Amy Poehler present the first award, but first greet everyone watching around the world (and on Mars -- Poehler: "Bleep blorp, you are not welcome here"). Why do I get the feeling that the comedy will be all downhill from here?

8:11: And your first award goes to, predictably and lamely, the Piv for Entourage. NPH and Rainn Wilson, we still love you.

8:12: OK, but his joke about the opening was pretty decent.

8:16: We're back, with Tom Bergeron and Ryan Seacrest sitting in the Monk's set from Seinfeld. Oh man, is this nostalgia gonna slow down the show.

8:19: Your best supporting actress in a comedy is ... Jean Smart for Samantha Who? Not a big surprise here in a pretty even field. Amy Poehler wuz robbed, but it was probably a misdemeanor.

8:21: Not often you hear a timeslot shout-out in an acceptance speech. But Jean Smart is not wrong about the plum position her show has.

8:26: Heidi is now in her third outfit of the evening. I think we need a running count.

8:26: Do we really need a montage for presenters? I'm pretty sure everyone watching knows who the Desperate Housewives are by now.

8:29: They present the award for supporting actor in a drama. Probably not to Zeljko Ivanek, though he deserves it.

8:29: Sweet! Never been quite so happy to be wrong about something like this. He pretty much killed it on Damages.

8:30: And the hits keep coming, with Ricky Gervais. "I couldn't come last year, which is a shame. But I still won. ... Thanks for that."

8:32: Something I learned from the acceptance-speech montage: Jackee won an Emmy. Hmm.

8:33: The Gervais-Carell stuff is gold. "Have you got it on you? ... I made you what you are and I get nothing back. ... I sat through Evan Almighty, give me my Emmy." A little bit Sideshow Bob-with-the-rake, but funny throughout, thanks in large part to Carell's poker face.

8:36: The variety/comedy/music directing award goes to the guy directing tonight's show, Louis J. Horvitz. That always seems to happen.

8:41: Former Simpsons writer Conan O'Brien steps out of Homer's living room to take the stage and present the Emmy for supporting actress in a drama, "a category that does not threaten me in any way. I had planned on doing a few more jokes, but Katherine Heigl told me she didn't think my material was Emmy-worthy." Nice.

8:43: And your winner is Dianne Wiest for In Treatment. For those of you who didn't watch the show, which I'm guessing is most of you, she was really good.

8:45: Ah, the comedy/variety writer montage, one of my favorite parts of every Emmy telecast. I give the award for best montage to the Colbert Report crew (although the SNL Miis are kinda cool too), and they also win the actual Emmy. Good deal.

8:48: A genuine Colbert is kind of weird to see.

8:50: Steve Martin, ladies and gentlemen. He used to work in TV, you know. He gives a 40-years-late Emmy for writing to Tommy Smothers, who didn't submit his name way back then because he figured the controversy surrounding the show would hurt his fellow scribes' chances. That's kinda cool, actually. Well done, Academy.

8:54: But seriously, this show is gonna run loooong.

8:55: "There's nothing more scary than watching ignorance in action," Smothers says. So much for the no-politics rule.

9:01: Outfit No. 4 for Heidi, a black-and-white number. And oh dear lord, Josh Groban is doing a theme-song medley. This is possibly the worst idea I've ever seen put on camera. And why is Animal not drumming on the drums?

9:03: Make it stop. This is making Baby Jesus cry. And really? Baywatch? Cops? Feh.

9:05: That's probably the first, and I really hope the last, time there's ever a kick line accompanying "Suicide Is Painless."

9:06: Alec Baldwin: "I have watched, thought about and studied actresses since the 1970s." Yeah you have.

9:07: If Laura Linney doesn't win for best actress in a miniseries or movie, something's wrong.

9:08: Nothing's wrong. And if you're scoring at home -- or even if you're by yourself -- that's nine wins for John Adams. Three more and it sets a single-year record.

9:11: Hey gang. It's Dan taking over as your cruise director for the next hour or so, which means I get to stop mourning the untimely demise of Yankee Stadium.

9:13: Sock it to me.

9:14: Various surviving people from Laugh-In are presenting the Emmy for musical, variety, comedy series. Or at least I think that's what they're doing. Meanwhile, millions of young viewers are trying to identify a single person in the wall who isn't Lily Tomlin. It's good to see all these people. It's a pity they haven't been given anything funny to do.

9:17: The Colbert Report may have stolen the writing Emmy, but The Daily Show with Jon Stewart remains unbeatable in the overall series category. "Without Laugh-In, I don't know if I'd get into comedy," an appreciative Stewart tells his presenters.

9:18: Heidi introduced David Boreanaz as the star of The Bones . It's really hard to know if she's making a joke involving co-presenter Lauren Conrad of The Hills, or if she's just confused. Boreanaz and Conrad are revealing the previously announced guest-starring winners, including Ms. Landingham from The West Wing, who sticks around to give the award for directing on a comedy series.

9:21: It's Barry Sonnenfeld for the Pushing Daisies "Pie-lette." We say, "Kudos." The Piemaker is holding Olive's Hand. Good thing he isn't holding Chuck's hand. "Love TV and fear the Internet," Sonnenfeld closes his speech. Oh, I do.

9:24: Tina Fey wins the comedy series writing award for an episode of 30 Rock. "Aw, Nerds!" she says. She is, as always, charming and funny. And in no way does she resemble the former mayor of Wasilla, Alaska tonight.

9:31: Martin Sheen, sitting in the Oval Office set, jokes about how The West Wing won Emmys for everybody but him. That's true. He also says that his show was never partisan. Wait. Are we talking about the same show?

9:34: The president of the Television Academy gives America the chance to check out the score of the Sunday Night Football game. It's Dallas 10, Green Bay 6, if you chose to listen to the guy.

9:35: Christian Slater and Christina Applegate are presenting together. She gets a warm round of applause from the crowd. Or I'm assuming the claps are for her. But maybe the crowd just loves Gleaming the Cube. She vows to crush him in the ratings. He laughs nervously and pretty much agrees that yes, yes she will crush him in the ratings. They give the award for made-for-TV movie to HBO's Recount. Look at Buffy the Vampire Slayer veteran Danny Strong writing an Emmy-winning movie!

9:42: William Petersen and Larry Fishburne will be like ships passing in the night on CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, but tonight they're presenting together. They have supporting actor in a miniseries duty, giving the prize to Tom Wilkinson for John Adams.

9:44: "I think now America needs a prune," Stephen Colbert explains to Jon Stewart in what ends up being a not-so-funny joke about how Colbert's character would support John McCain. This is one of their lesser bits. They race through it to give the directing award for a miniseries, movie or dramatic special to Jay Roach for Recount. Roach is played off immediately, because we have to get to the award for writing on a miniseries, movie or dramatic special.

9:49: Kirk Ellis wins for John Adams, grabbing the Emmy from Danny Strong's hands. Sure, he wrote a gazillion of hours of televised history, but we were still rooting for Jonathan/Doyle. Ellis begins to make a political point about how his miniseries was about a time when articulate men spoke articulate words. He gets cut off abruptly without music. Politics or the fact that this show feels like it's running hours long?

9:53: Howie Mandel reminds us that, once upon a time, he was an actor, using St. Elsewhere as a transition point into a tribute to M*A*S*H*. A short tribute. We have to get to a couple people from Grey's Anatomy. Eileen Atkins wins an award for Cranford. But she isn't there. So we move on. Or at least we move as quickly as Don Rickles, presenting with Kathy Griffin, can move.

9:56: "Get upppppp!" Griffin yells to the crowd, urging love from Mr. Don Rickles. "Why did they stand? Was it a Jewish holiday?" Rickles asks. "Next time, just leave a check at the door." Then Rickles makes a joke about the O.J. Simpson jury that I'm not sure I got. The audience also isn't sure they got it. There's a large amount of "Oh, that wacky Don Rickles!" laughter. And discomfort.

9:59: Rickles and Griffin are giving the award for Reality-Competition series. It goes to The Amazing Race. Because that's what the Emmys do. Six wins in a row for The Amazing Race. Yeah, I love it too. But there's nothing wrong with mixing things up a bit, voters.

10:01: The award for outstanding miniseries goes to John Adams. We're shocked! By our count, this is the 12th win for John Adams, breaking an Emmy record. Tom Hanks calls presenter (and his Forrest Gump co-star) Sally Field "Mom." But why didn't he want to make a Punchline joke? Hanks makes a non-partisan political joke and doesn't get played off. He is Tom Hanks, after all.

10:08: Tom Bergeron dropping Heidi Klum is, indeed, funny.

10:09: Kristin Chenoweth and Neil Patrick Harris had a bit, but as NPH puts it, "Thanks to Howie Mandel's prattling, our bit has been cut." Boo! This is the second time the Emmys have hosed Doogie tonight. Yeah, we're looking at you, Piven. They give an award to Don Rickles,  for individual performance in a category with lots of possible genres. "It's a mistake," he says before launching into perhaps the night's funniest and most touching speech.

10:12: Glynn Turman and Cynthia Nixon, guest actor and actress winners for a drama, present the Emmy for outstanding direction on a dramatic series to Greg Yaitanes for the "House's Head" episode of House. It's a minor surprise. Wasn't this supposed to be the night basic cable took over?

10:16: Whew. Matthew Weiner wins for writing on a drama series for the Mad Men pilot. Everything makes sense again. "I guess I'm going to have to find something new to complain about," Weiner says.

10:22: Hanh acting as the anchor for this live-blogging relay. We're gonna win for sure.

10:23: Predictably, and averting a tragic cry of "He was robbed!" Paul Giamatti wins for his lead in John Adams and thanks his "fake wife" Laura Linney. Camera was on his real wife though.

10:26: Alec Baldwin nabs the comedy actor award for 30 Rock and gives credit to Tina Fey, whom he dubs "The Elaine May of her generation."

10:28: Glenn Close played off for her Damages win.

10:29 Montage of those we lost in the biz. Somber moments, but still disappointed Charlton Heston clip doesn't feature him talking to a damn, dirty ape or parting seas. Politically odd note of Tim Russert trying to get Hilary Clinton to say whether or not she'd ever run for prez. Estelle Getty, Bernie Mac, Suzanne Pleshette. We fittingly leave with words about heaven from George Carlin.

10:39: Oh look! Bryan Cranston, with a nicely buzzed head, wins for Breaking Bad. He's endearingly touched and honored.

10:41: Despite an odd comedy bit with Craig Ferguson supposedly grabbing Brooke Shields' ass, the show plows on, giving Tina Fey another Emmy for lead comedy actress. She gives a shout out to Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Next, I wanna see her do the Elaine dance, complete with thumbs.

10:45: Rather extended Jimmy Kimmel bit where he presents the best reality host ever (for this year). Pretty funny, especially Heidi's "blue steel" look and a rundown of judges' faux critiques a la American Idol, including that Paula Abdul wants to have sex with Jeff Probst. Get in line, sister. And the winner ... will be revealed after the break, in my next update.

10:50: Jeffy wins for biggest dimples and general hosting skillz.

10:51: A nostalgic clip of the Mary Tyler Moore Show reminds me of why I used to love Nick at Nite. MTM and Betty White give yet another award to 30 Rock (best comedy series), allowing Fey to plug all the other ways to catch the show other than on TV. October 30th, people!

10:56: Much rejoicing in the auditorium and in Zap2it's hearts when Mad Men wins for best drama series. It's a lovely heart-felt speech, but I'm oddly disappointed there aren't '60s-era fashions on stage with him.

10:58: One more look at Probst, and we're out. Relatively painless, except perhaps moments from that Josh Groban thing.

Your thoughts on who won or deserved to win? How did the multiple hosting experiement play work? Any opinions on who should host in the future? Is there a theme song you would have liked to have gotten the Josh Groban treatment?

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