'Lost': The FAQ for the ARG, Volume 2

Well, the summer months are drawing to a close. I know, tragic. Many of you will be heading back to school soon. Football season draws nigh. And, more important, we might actually see some action on the latest and meh-est Lost alternative reality game (ARG) yet! Richard III once talked about the winter of our discontent; Lost fans have been complaining about their summer of our prolonged frustration. Dharma claims to want us, but we're not so sure.

You might have tuned out of the ARG already. You might not even know what the heck I'm talking about. Or you simply want to know what in the blippin' heck is going on. So I thought it was best to dust off my handy Q&A machine, plug it in, and have a little back and forth banner to bring up everyone to speed.

So can you remind me what this ARG is all about?
It started with a commercial during the Season 4 finale, which directed fans to Octagon Global Recruiting. Many people correctly surmised this was a front for the rebirth of the Dharma Initiative, which was confirmed at Comic Con later that summer.

What's all this about Dharma wanting you?
Well, dharmawantsyou.com has been the nexus of all ARG-related activity. I use to word "activity" very loosely.

So what have you been able to do on the website?
Well, you could register, you could take a multiple choice question exam, and you could solve a spatial puzzle.

And how long has this game been officially running?
By my count, approximately 16 years. I have to check the iteration of the distress call I left at the game's outset to be sure.

Is that honestly all the activities offered so far?
Unfortunately, yes, it's been moving at the speed of continental drift, or worse: a Sox/Yankees game. Those things last for freakin' ever.

So what kind of questions were asked on the exam?
Really weird ones. Half were word associations, half were questions such as, "You are running down an unfamiliar street. Why?" Unfortunately, I could not see the obvious answer, as I would undoubtedly be running down a dream.

So what's your score?
Um, they haven't told us yet.

When did you take the test?
Late July.

Are you flippin' serious? I knew my SAT scores in less time.
I know, I know.

And what's this spatial puzzle thingamabob?
This popped up last week, and is the first in a series of tests that will be doled out with Scrooge-like frequency over the next few weeks/months/decades. You're tasked with taking a variety of puzzle pieces and making them fit inside a box.

What does this have to do with the Dharma Initiative?
Not sure, but I'm sure there's psychological information that can be described from one's ability to solve this type of puzzle, also know as a "tangram."

"Tangram"? Sounds like the type of puzzle preferred by the lead singer of The Police.
That's not funny, and technically not even a question.

Anything else going on in this wildly exciting, fast-paced, narratively fascinating endeavor?
Zap2It readers noticed over on the Facebook group that recruits have been split into two groups: Ganymede and Pandora.

Are these names significant, and if so, what do they say about the players?
Names are always significant in the Lost universe. Both are huge players in Greek mythology. For starters, Ganymede was a mortal snatched up by Zeus, who was madly in love with Ganymede.

So if I'm on Team Ganymede, I'm essentially someone's trophy wife, held against her will?
Actually, Ganymede is a dude.

So wait, now I'm Zeus' BOYTOY?
Looks like.

How do I get off this ARG and make sure it never calls me again?
Slow down, slow down. Don't get all tense. Or literal. Before discussing the meaning of this name as it pertains to the game, let's look at Pandora.

She's the one with the box, right?
You got it, though it's a bit more complex than that. She's essentially Eve, the first woman on earth, created by the gods and endowed with all their riches. Unfortunately, she also bore the brunt of Prometheus' transgression, and given an apple she was told never to bite. I mean, a jar she was told never to open. Course, she did, and all this nasty stuff come out. The only thing left in the jar by the time she closed it? Hope.

You came up with all this stuff off the top of your head, eh?
Heck no.

OK, so before I have visions of going to Provincetown with Zeus, what do these names mean for the game or the show as a whole?
Well, first things first: there's no real proof that any placement is anything other than completely random. There's just not enough ways to compare/contrast one's multiple choice answers, coupled with spatial skills, and make an accurate assessment. But the names themselves are pretty rich with significance.

How so?
Well, take Ganymede, for instance. (Please!) He's essentially a passive figure, one content to live out his life but swept up into a world he could barely understand. (Sounds a bit like our Lostaways, no?) Also, in certain tellings of the myth, it's an eagle that Zeus sends to fetch Ganymede. Maybe we've finally received an insight into that crazy bird that keeps appearing.

Well, what about Boxy Lady?
The Island itself is another version of her jar: filled with horrific things, to be sure, but at its core, a beacon for all of humanity. Curiosity sometimes not only kills the cat, but causes an Incident.

Anything else about these two?
My wife made the observation that Ganymede is essentially a passive figure, carried along by the currents of fate/the whims of others, while Pandora is a more active figure, albeit one with more destructive capability.

So are you trying to say these two are Boxy Lady of Science, Boy Toy of Faith?
Not even remotely. That's just plain wrong of you. Never mind that it doesn't even make sense as a parallel construction.

Do you always break out phrases like "parallel construction" when annoyed?
Yes, some people turn to drink, I turn to grammatical snootiness.

So when's this ARG really gonna kick it into gear?
Only time will tell. After all, like Pierre Chang told us: time isn't only of the essence, it IS the essence. Too bad time's ticking away so slowly at the moment.

Will you do another one of these FAQs in a few weeks time?
Absolutely. Assuming the pace of this ARG hasn't bored me to death by then.

Ryan also posts every 108 minutes over at Boob Tube Dude, then peruses Zap2It's Guide to Lost Facebook group.