NBC's Overloaded 'Experience'

At some point between the Deal or No Deal suitcase models handing me a flash drive and tasting the hamachi poke from the Top Chef cookbook, Conan O'Brien's disembodied voice boomed over the loudspeaker.

"If you didn't get a seizure walking through this, you'll probably never get a seizure," the future Tonight Show host intoned.

The man is not lying. The "NBC Universal Experience," as the media conglomerate called its not-upfront event Monday, was a visual and aural assault on par with Speed Racer, only with lots more American Gladiators. The network cleared out space in its Rockefeller Center headquarters to let ad buyers, media types and others walk through an interactive funhouse highlighting the full range of the company's media assets.

So, after sitting down to watch trailers from Universal's upcoming releases (Incredible Hulk, better than the last trailer I saw; the new Mummy flick, not so much), I collected my flash drive from the suitcase models (but the game didn't work -- boo) and a golf ball with Kenneth from 30 Rock's face on it. Then it was on to the Top Chef food station and the wacky photo place where you could have your face stuck into an NBC cast photo.

What I learned there was that with a good enough wig and some work on my posture and voice, I could possibly get work as an Alec Baldwin impersonator. I had my face inserted into this publicity shot from 30 Rock, and I wish I had a scanner with me so I could show you the results. My face fit eerily well into Baldwin's head.

Finally, after passing the Gladiators and taking a quick look at KITT -- and watching Janice Dickinson pose for photos with fans across the street -- I made it to the evening's holy grail: The food and bar area. Yes, NBC may not have rented out Radio City Music Hall this year, but it knew better than to let people walk away without being fed. (The miniature black-and-white cookies were especially tasty.)

You may have noticed that I've talked an awful lot about this event without once mentioning NBC's new shows for next season. I can only work with what's given me, and clips from the likes of Knight Rider and My Own Worst Enemy were not among the things given me Monday evening. That's likely to be a recurring theme this week: It's hard to show off what hasn't been filmed yet, after all.

My Own Worst Enemy star Christian Slater was, however, part of an intriguing tableau inside the party. In a little knot off to the side of the hundreds of people (among them, all the Real Housewives of New York, Top Chef 3 winner Hung Huynh and all the folks, save Steve Carell, from The Office) milling about under a big tent, he stood chatting in a group that also included Jimmy Fallon, NBCU boss Jeff Zucker, O'Brien, Tina Fey and Law & Order creator Dick Wolf. I would've loved to have been close enough to eavesdrop on that conversation.

Alas, that was not to be. I did, however, learn that the cast of Heroes has been back at work since May 1, that Adrian "Nathan Petrelli" Pasdar had worked the red carpet outside the Experience (though the show's publicist demurred when I asked if that meant Nathan isn't actually dead) and, in a completely unrelated note, Coolio will star in an Oxygen reality show in the near future.

As for the experience of the Experience? Well, I wasn't really the target audience -- the fact that NBC can leverage ad buys and marketing tie-ins across a bunch of different platforms and networks isn't really of paramount concern to me (or, presumably, you, unless you're a media buyer). So we'll have to wait a little while longer to guage whether NBC's remakes and re-imaginings will be, you know, any good. Maybe they'll be done in time for press tour...

Has anything you've heard about from NBC gotten you intrigued?

"Has anything you've heard about from NBC gotten you intrigued?"

No.

NBC Universal Experience: Smoke and mirrors.