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'The Two Coreys': Haim needs a woman
Sadly, tonight we only have one episode of The Two Coreys. I think A&E promised new episodes back-to-back next week, but may be that it was just a carefully-worded new episode and repeat promo. In any case, at the onset of tonight's episode, Haim decides he needs a woman, and not just for sex, he actually wants to be in a relationship (I am totally have Scott Baio déjà vu). Haim moves from this to blaming Feldman for all his problem relationships with women. Apparently the women that Feldman fixed Haim up with only led to emotional disaster for Haim. Feldman counters that they were hot, and that it is not Feldman's fault Haim could not make things work.
But, no matter, Feldman is going to help Haim now to find a woman. Haim insists though that he does not want actresses. They will, you see, just be using him to get into the business.
First up, Feldman suggests speed-dating. After checking it out on the computer, learning about how much it costs, where to go, and all the other various and sundry important little things, Haim questions the entire process -- is it worth it, who are these women, would Feldman do it. The questioning either goes on too long or not long enough, because there can be no doubt in the mind of anyone watching that Haim is absolutely going to do it. Haim would have said "no" instantly if it was not going to happen. So, sure enough, he is off to speed-dating.
It does not go well. There are weird women there and Haim is already weird. He tells women he is there because of a bet. Someone else says the same to him. Why would anyone want to date someone that attended this meet-up because they lost a bet? Actually, one of the women there probably does not care all that much, she wrote Haim a fan letter years ago (yes, he did write back). Even so, the entire event is a bust, and on returning to the house Haim breaks up whatever Feldman and Susie may have been doing in the master bedroom. I guess that is Haim's idea of payback.
The next morning Susie makes it clear that she and Feldman are not going to be having sex with Haim in the house. She thinks he will walk in (probably true) or listen in (certainly true) or in some other way ruin it (unquestionably true). "Hmmm … ," thinks this audience member, "getting Haim out of the house on a date seems like a great idea, boy I certainly hope that happens this episode, for the sake of Feldman and Susie."
Luckily enough, Haim is back at home on the computer looking up women. He explains to Feldman when he walks in that this is more Haim's style. He can check people out in advance, and he likes that. He also likes Danica, she has a nice picture and apparently body-piercings, "ears, navel, and … " Soon enough, Haim is off to play frisbee with Danica.
Things go well with this woman. Haim is a little off-putting at times, he again says he is there because he lost a bet, but Danica is willing to roll with the punches. They throw the frisbee around, have some laughs and everything goes swimmingly.
Meanwhile, back at Casa Feldman, Mr. and Mrs. Feldman are starting to feel a little amorous. Just as things really get going though, Susie decides she has to go brush her teeth. I have no idea how many teeth she has, because her husband has plenty of time to painstakingly rearrange every little thing about the room, thereby enhancing the mood. Eventually she does walk back in (to be fair, she has changed into something less comfortable).
Haim is still tossing the old frisbee around with Danica, right up until she says that she is an actress. Haim quickly ends the frisbee playing, saying he has to leave, and heads out. He gets home just in time to stop the Feldmans before they get serious (if only Susie did not have so many teeth).
And then Corey Haim gets really weird.
The next day Haim and Feldman are continuing their conversation about Haim's needing a woman and it turns out that he sort of has one already. Her name is Joanna and she lives in England. They met when Haim was there for a signing and had a great time for a month, but then Haim went back to the States and they could not do the long distance thing. Haim is interested in, maybe, getting back together with her, if they were ever fully broken up, which seems debatable. Feldman asks more about her, wanting to make sure that Haim is thinking straight. Haim assures his friend that this might be the girl for him.
What else is there for him to do then but to call her? Nothing, actually, so he does, and he invites her to Casa Feldman for right then. She says she has to think about it, they both say that they love each other, and she promises to call him back and let him know. She calls back what looks like virtually instantaneously (could just be some editing magic though) and says yes. Haim tells the Feldmans, who are mildly shocked, but say Joanna is more than welcome.
Prior to her arrival, Haim buys Joanna some flowers, which are very pretty. Their prettiness is only a result of Haim's not being allowed to choose which color flowers to purchase (the florist insisted on doing it her way). But, there is little time to ponder Haim's encounter with the florist as he is already at the airport waiting for Joanna. She steps out of customs and into Haim's arms. It is all very Love Actually, especially because she has the right accent.
Haim takes her back to Feldman's, introduces her, snogs her on his bed, and is oh-so-pleased with himself. At dinner that night he even compliments Susie on her cooking (you will remember that the cooking is a bone of contention in the house). Feldman notes that Joanna is wearing a ring on a chain around her neck, it apparently was a gift that Haim gave her whenever it was that they were dating in England. It is all so very touching. But, the important question is: will it last? I cannot wait to find out next week on The Two Coreys (possibly with two all new episodes!).
Since the anticipation is almost too much to bear, and you clearly need to take your mind off of it, you could check out the website that Feldman used to find out about the speed-dating (there are placards on the table with the web address in that scene) or, better yet, you could read some of The TV and Film Guy's Reviews.
I think Corey Haim is so cute. I would date you, Corey! But I hope the best for you!
Lea Ann R. | Sep 11, 2007 12:32:50 PM | #I have ALWAYS loved the two Coreys... Esp. Haim
If he is looking for a woman than he has found her! I know what he's going through- I've been there and done that... I am a good girl, but I do have a bad girl steak too. I know he needs someone to help him through this and I know all too well how hard it is when you have to do it alone.
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