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Fight night on 'The Two Coreys'
This week's Corey-de-force starts with Haim making breakfast for the woman currently sharing his bed, Joanna (the girl from England). Haim brings a delicious looking breakfast-in-bed meal to her, but Joanna is already awake. Truth be told, Joanna is packing her bags - she tells him that she has to go.
Haim and Joanna try to talk, figuring out exactly where their relationship is and where it is going. Joanna explains to him that she needs a commitment, and Haim feels unable to give one. He is sure that after she leaves everything will be fine for five days and after that it will get "freaky." As Haim cannot give her what she needs, she does in fact hop on a plane.
Ironically, this is exactly what Susie wants Haim to do, because while Haim is talking to Joanna, Susie is seeing the mess in her kitchen. Not only is there garbage, half-cooked, and uncooked food everywhere, Haim used their beautiful veggie-only pans to cook bacon. Bacon is not, as you know, a vegetable. Feldman and Susie try to guess at what the poor pig's name might at one time have been (I vote for Mister Yummy).
With Haim still out and the pig disposed of, Susie wants to go look at houses with her personal Corey. Feldman is against it. He likes things how they are, but, it seems, they have talked about this before. Susie wants a house closer to the beach and one that has a pool. And, whatever Susie wants, Susie gets, because they are soon heading out to some open houses. Feldman asks about bringing Haim, Susie stops the idea dead in its tracks, he has, we are told by Susie, already outstayed his welcome.
Returning home to an empty house, Haim decides to do something nice for the Feldmans. So, he leaves again. No, not permanently, just to go to the paint store to buy a canvas and some paint and brushes and all the other good things one needs to make a beautiful picture. He jokes about getting a black light and some glow-in-the-dark paint at the store, but the saleswoman is more bewildered than amused.
The house hunting seems to be going decently well, though Susie is still upset with Haim and Feldman does not make it any easier. Feldman asks how Haim would look digging into a refrigerator in one house, which Susie dislikes the very notion of. She even says no to a house because there is a guest house behind it. Naturally, this allows for guests, which, Susie tells us, she does not want.
Upon their return home they, amazingly, find a huge mess in due to Haim's painting. Susie wishes that he would have painted outside, but Haim explains that he cannot paint out there because their dog has done his business all over the yard (neither of the Feldmans pick up after him). Susie thinks the dog pooping outside the house is just fine, but Haim's doing so inside the house is not (to be fair though, no one wants to walk in a yard with dog poop, whether or not it is natural for the dog to poop outside). Either way, Haim has had enough and heads upstairs to pack his bags.
No sooner does this happen that Feldman's agent calls and sets up a meeting for him that afternoon with Brian Herzlinger (director and star of My Date with Drew). The catch is that Herzlinger wants both Coreys for his project, not just Feldman. Susie is distressed with the notion, but recognizes a career opportunity when she sees one. Haim needs to work and agrees to take the meeting, provided Feldman will cover the difference in the cost of Haim's plane ticket should Haim have to stay longer than until the next day.
Brian does in fact arrive that afternoon and starts to pitch his project. The film is about people waiting on a line to get the latest and greatest video game system, and the various characters that are present. Haim asks how much he will get to make the movie, which everyone takes as a joke despite his probably being quite serious. Feldman, acting less money oriented, says that he is only interested in challenges as an actor. Haim counters by saying that he will challenge himself in the role and that he is ready to go. The meeting breaks up and the real discussions begin.
Haim is pleased, he needs the work. However, he does realize that the "Susie Factor," as it is termed, will be hard to deal with. He explains that he will have a serious problem if she "messes" with him on set. Feldman does not understand, but figuring he has to talk to Susie anyway about the movie will bring up Haim's concerns.
Feldman and Susie talk about the film behind closed doors -- with Haim right outside listening in. Susie is really upset with the entire project. In her mind Haim cannot even stay at a hotel in the same city as the Feldmans because he will always be over at their house. Haim is upset being cast in so bad a light, so he butts in to defend himself and his working relationship with Feldman. Things go downhill fast.
There is yelling. There is fighting. There is anger. There is upset. Eventually, Haim calls Susie a "bitch" and Feldman jumps in, defending his wife by grabbing Haim by the shirt. After some empty threats about really hurting one another, both Coreys back down and Haim goes upstairs to pack. Neither Feldman nor Susie want Haim around, and after being on hold with the cab company for a while, Haim orders himself up a taxi and heads out.
A montage ensues of all the "good times" that the show has chronicled as the credits roll. Feldman and Susie rejoice at being alone at last. Not to worry though Corey fans, a new episode airs in two weeks. Until then, why not read other things I have written at The TV and Film Guy's Reviews.
Just looking at that house you know it's not theirs. When is the last time Corey F has worked?? There is no way he could afford a house that looks to be well over a million dollars.
amy | Aug 28, 2007 4:41:54 PM | #He has done a lot of voice overs in the past few years. What I want to know is why do they still act like they don't have a kid? I know they do and I see pictures all over the house with the kid in them. Why don't they just say for the sake of filming this show the child is at grandma's house. I hate Cory F. wife. She is a nut case. She can't see anything from Corey F. side. She puts him in the middle of everything. I know Corey H. can get a date. Maybe not a long term thing but at least a date. Love the show. Just wish the writers for the 'reality' show would give us a little credit of seeing through some of the scripted scenes that would never happen in real life. Love Cory H.
Karen | Aug 29, 2007 7:01:20 AM | #mmm wow que lindo esta coreu hiam siempre me ha gustado =) bueno aunque yo estaba peque cuando comenzo hacer pèlis el
yo veo esas pelis viejas y wow me hubiera gustado ser adolescente en los 80 solo por el !! y corey feldman tambien es super simpatico pero mi amor es para corey haim hahaha ta chulooooooo
besos a el
y le deseo suerte
a los dos coreys =)
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