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Scott Baio gets set up
As with last week, this week's Scott Baio is 45... and Single starts with Scott and Doc Ali discussing his love life. Scott insists that he has no "type," after all, he says, he has "dated Asian women." The back and forth continues as Scott feels attacked about his dating ways (weird, because he surely wishes to change his ways otherwise he would not be doing this show or meeting with Doc Ali). Scott insists that Ali doesn't get "the game" that he was in, wherein he had to show up places and be seen with the hottest girl around. He goes on to talk about his problems with marriage and how he has kind of equated marriage with death - if Scott does not get married, he tends to think, he will never die. He knows that this is silly, but it is the notion that he has operated with for most of his adult life.
Ali tells Scott that for his next assignment, he has to go and meet two very nice Russian women she knows that run a dating service, they will help him find his perfect match. Scott has already let us know earlier in this conversation that part of this equation is a "big rack" and "imperfect teeth." Additionally, Scott tells us, that a relationship should help make you a better person, which is why he keeps himself in the dating pool and just one of the reasons he will go meet these matchmakers.
For some unknown reason (probably the producers thought it would be a good idea), Scott's friend Johnny accompanies him to meet the matchmakers. Johnny quickly makes a fool of himself, asking if they have some pictures of women he can thumb through while Scott meets with them. Wisely, the matchmakers tell Johnny to sit down in the waiting room and shut up. Scott is ushered inside and more or less repeats the conversation he had with Doc Ali about what he is looking for in a woman. Once he moves away from body he gets to small things like: warm, understanding, sweet, kind, and in their 30s (for those of you who don't remember, Scott Baio is 45… and single).
Matchmaking finished, Scott goes to talk to his old Charles in Charge castmate, Nicole Eggert. Nicole and Scott discuss, while walking along the beach (she was, after all, on Baywatch), that everyone Scott has dated looks just like her, beautiful and blonde. She also tells him that she remembers that he would sit on set, open a Playboy magazine, and order women from it as though it were the Sears Catalog. While Scott remembers this and confesses that he and Willie (Willie Aames, who played his best friend, Buddy, on the show) did do that sort of thing, he does not remember one of the women from the "Playboy Catalog" the he apparently dated for some time (I cannot tell you how much I hope said woman was watching the show). The conversation ends with Nicole discussing how she has a checkered romantic past herself and that clear that she was using Scott as a role model.
Up next in Scott's hectic life - a game of poker with the guys. Scott explains to a newcomer to the game his whole life coach/celibacy thing, and the side bet that has Johnny taking the under on Scott not having sex for four weeks. Johnny states that he is absolutely going to make sure, even though they are near the deadline, that Scott ends up breaking his celibacy vow. No sooner does Johnny finish talking than, presumably via the magic of editing, the doorbell rings. Johnny, in a rather obvious lie, tells everyone that he ordered some food. He goes to the door, opens it, and in walks the least pizza delivery-looking girl I have ever seen. Sure, she has a pizza box and skimpy little uniform on, but there is just no way she is there to deliver a pizza. As it turns out, as though we did not already know, the girl, Brianna, is a stripper. Scott gets placed by his "friends" into a chair as Brianna starts taking off her clothes. After a few seconds of this, Scott seems to be unable to control himself, takes the girl to a back room, and sends the camera away. Needless to say, the show now cuts to a commercial.
Upon returning from the break, the camera has managed to find Scott giving Brianna $200 and telling her she has to leave, that he cannot explain what is going on, but that she simply has to go. Brianna argues that she has not gotten the chance to show Scott her pasties yet. Scott, completely unflustered, says it does not matter and brings her to the door. He gets her clothes and sends her away, telling Johnny, who want to speak to Brianna, to do it outside. Scott's closing words to Brianna, "make your mom proud and go home."
And then we come to the big scene in tonight's episode: the blind date. Scott brings Johnny along in case the woman, in Scott's words, "looks like Rosie O'Donnell." Once he sees her and approves of her looks, he quickly sends Johnny away. The girl, Julie, seems nice enough. She had no idea that she was going to meet Scott Baio, she says, and they begin to make small talk. If she ends up dating Scott that would make him the fifth Italian-Brooklyn man she has seen in a row. Scott, meanwhile, begins to pick apart everything that is not quite right with Julie. These things include, but are not limited to: her boobs not big enough, the small up-turns at the corner of her mouth, and her perfect teeth. Eventually Scott realizes he is just being silly with this whole thing, and that he actually likes many of Renee's (the girl he may or may not want to marry) imperfections. He says goodnight to Julie and heads home.
Upon arriving, Scott's voiceover tells us that this is hugely different for him - he has turned down sex with two beautiful women two days in a row. Unless he saw something I did not, Julie did not actually offer to have sex with him, she only went out on a blind date. But, that is neither here nor there, because Scott is already checking his answering machine messages. Renee has called him and left a message saying that her daughter is going to be in town next week and she would love to set a time to get together with him so Scott can meet the girl.
Will Scott be allowed to go see Renee's daughter? Would Julie have had sex with him? Was Brianna's mom proud that her daughter did not get to show Scott her pasties? Hopefully we will find out these answers and more next week on Scott Baio is 45… and Single.
I can't promise that I have the answers to any of these questions, but if you want to read about other television and film matters, check out The TV and Film Guy's Reviews.
"how [Baio] has kind of equated marriage with death - if Scott does not get married, he tends to think, he will never die. He knows that this is silly, but it is the notion that he has operated with for most of his adult life."
obviously, we're working with a rather inclusive definition of "adult" here. umm, long live scott baio? (i.e., i feel sorry for any woman who gets saddles with this man-boy.)
ciw | Jul 29, 2007 10:10:08 PM | #Aw, the poor guy is trying. Give Cheapie Cheater Chachi a break.
Josh Lasser | Jul 29, 2007 11:22:02 PM | #If Only Scott was more like his TV roles. I remember him in "Fish"( a very young boy), "Happy Days" ( I guess a teenager), and "Charles in Charge" ( an adult). He presented himself as a great friend and girls were crazy about him. Now he's reaching out for help and I must give him credit for that.
Joseph Machado | Jan 2, 2008 11:36:08 PM | #
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