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'Rock of Love': Look what the cat dragged in
Remember Flavor of Love? Well, Rock of Love is the same thing, only replace Flava Flav with Bret Michaels, lead singer of heavy metal(ish) glam band, Poison. Lookie there, I just did away with all the exposition in the opener! Also? With the show starting with 25 girls, I am not attempting to tell them all apart from the first episode. I don't feel the least bit bad about this, because I doubt Bret is making the effort either. My evidence of this is that 5 girls get cut from the show, not by Bret but by his body guard Big John, within the first 5 minutes. Bye-bye brunettes!
As the 20 girls who were not immediately ruled out enter the house, the cut girls whine about how humiliated they feel. Sisters, I'm willing to bet you just escaped way more humiliation, so thank your lucky stars. However, one of the girls, who will likely be receiving a cease and desist notice from Ginger Spice's lawyers any day now for attempting to steal her trademarked hairstyle, gets a look in her eyes that America has become all to familiar with since the advent of reality programming. It is the look of pure crazy, and Tiffany is obviously chock full of it. She vows to not be swayed from winning her man.
Inside the house, the girls have forgone looking for bedrooms to, instead, run right for the bar. Is anyone surprised? We start to catch glimpses of what I guess passes for personalities as girls claim to be huge fans, to have waited their whole life to meet Bret, to have the tools (read: boobs. And I am not being pithy, the girl in question prefaced the statement by introducing herself as Ms. Hooters Illinois) to get what they want. One girl in particular claims that Every Thorn Has Its Rose is her favorite Poison song and that it means a lot to her. Just not enough to remember the name correctly, I suppose.
Speaking of dumb, two of the girls have decided to be best friends based entirely on the fact that they are both blonde, which they think makes them "look like twins, only not, but kinda." The other girls scramble to find things to bond over, and quickly figure out that the vast majority of them are sporting fake boobs. They discuss silicone (well, if you call declaring them "gummi bear boobs" discussion, they do) and feel each other up. Meanwhile, Tiffany is outside banging on the door.
Big John comes out to talk to her and she begs, pleads and mentions that she even bought a hat repeatedly. I am not sure what the significance of the hat is all about, but she should have spent the money on some self-respect instead. However, John relents and she gleefully hurries to the house for some hooch hitting hang time with the winners. This show is already driving me to resort alliteration to entertain myself. This is not a good sign.
I hope that it gets better as the girls are told to get ready to meet Bret one on one. One of the blonde twins, Brandi C., notes that Bret is blonde and tan and they "look like brother and sister, but that's hot." No. No, Brandi C., it is decidedly not hot. At all. I pray that the naughty photo shoot they have planned between Bret and each of the girls brings some energy to the show, but it is about the least sexy thing I have seen in a long time. It is a degree of un-sexy that could easily put people off sex for several weeks, at least. And the amount of tongue passed between the girls and Bret is nothing short of unsanitary.
Once that torture is over, it's time to mingle and drink. Mostly drink. Bret quickly recognizes that Tiffany, the little Spice that couldn't, has been enjoying chemical substances for sometime now. As he tries to talk to various girls, she tries to wiggle between him and whomever it is he's attempting to talk to. When Tiffany isn't guilty of this, Brandi C. is squealing in a voice that makes me want to jam chopsticks into my eardrums so I never have to endure it again, about how Bret promised to play pool with her. Bret spends his time running away from them and looking for Big John, who has mysteriously disappeared. Quick, which of the girls is also missing??
No time to figure it out because ... oh, who am I kidding? There was probably time, I was just too dumbfounded by phrases such as "This much communication is a lot of work for me", "I'm like... Bret ... girl" and "I don't know the details, I don't know the amount of time or extent or anything and I get it" to pay attention to anything else. At one point one of the girls talks about avoiding another girl because she fears having a conversation with her will maker her "dumber". I consider turning off my television for the same reason. Vast wasteland and all, right?
But then Tiffany says "Ain't no b*tch bad enough to step on my face!" and I decide to see if something interesting happens as she hangs upside down on a stripper pole in the most awkward way imaginable. Suddenly the photo shoot that made me uninterested in sex looks quaint, because I think I may consider entering a convent after witnessing that display. Bret is safely tucked away on a couch with another Brandi (M.), who confides in him that since she's a Scorpio, she's ruled by her genitals. And claws?
As we watch the mingling unfold, I am struck by how few words Bret manages to get in edgewise with each of the girls, who constantly interrupt him and each other. I only learn one thing about the star of the show - he's a diabetic. By way of comparison, I've heard the girls babble about their boobs, stripping, how smart they really are, how much they love Bret, how they are meant to be with him, and then there's Raven. She's the epitome of the angry woman, and whenever one of the girls tries to interrupt her, she glares, and growls. We know that she's intelligent, believes society is designed to appease rich white men, was abused by her mother, had an absentee father, doesn't want a man who is only interested in her appearance, and enjoys glaring, seething, and long walks on the beach. I made up that last one to make her seem more human.
Just as Brandi C. manages to get some time with Bret, Tiffany straddles him, and begins bouncing up and down, I swear to you I am not making this up. Bret confesses she beat his penis to a pulp and he immediately goes looking for Big John, who spends the rest of the show breaking up fights between the increasingly messed up Tiffany and the other girls. By the end of the show, VH1 has resorted to subtitling her, and then there's a lot of "???" on the screen as she slurs, stutters, and inebriates her way through the party like the anthropomorphic personification of debauchery. Only less fun looking.
We come, at last, to elimination, where 6 more girls are sent home, and 16 stay. This is 1 more than was originally intended, but Bret decided to ask all the girls he wanted to hang, and to also throw Tiffany into the mix as well, because "She's entertaining to watch." For a man in eyeliner and blush, he talks some sense if he's trying to make the show the biggest train wreck it can possibly be. And judging by the footage we are treated to in what to expect over the coming weeks - which seems to include copious amounts of vomiting and fist fighting - he may be the Hawking of reality TV!
This is the first elimination show I have seem were
A contestant said they were not leaving (a historical TV moment) and stayed on the show base on willpower (that was very impressing), Tiffany seems like a very interesting women, too bad she got so drunk on the first night on the show, but I think it was worth giving her a chance to show how she is when she is not drunk .Tiffany is one of the mosting intresting character I have seen recently on a TV show.
I'm loving this show. Why? because it's the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. I have seen Flavor of Love and really I think Rock of Love is pushing the envelope because they're aiming for a new audience: rockers and people who like laughing at stupid chicks. Bottom line is Brett Michaels is hawt and the show has interesting characters. Yes a lot are big boobed bimbos but people like Rodeo remind me that some of those girls are there for more than just free alcohol and attention from the media. I'll definitely continue to watch so I can see how it all develops.
Jenn | Jul 16, 2007 9:19:37 PM | #yall suck!!!
bret km
leilene | Jul 16, 2007 11:15:59 PM | #Blondes usually get a free pass (regardless of how awful they really are; see "Jessica from BB8"), but Brandie C makes it impossible! She has to be one of the most annoying reality TV women this year. And you know she'll be around FOREVER. *sigh*
How did that one girl (Lauren, I think..) get on here? You know, the one who was oh-so-sexy in the photoshoot? I think the only time she spoke was at the end (after she got the boot) and said "its ok.. Not enough alone time."
My girlfriend and I are excited about the eventual vomiting as well. I think Dallas was involved in 60% of the forthcoming fights. Thats odd, since she was involved in only 40% of the altercations on this episode.
And I can't wait to see the hat that Tiffany made!
Don't threaten HER with a good time!
I love your show
aubrey | Jul 18, 2007 1:37:35 PM | #They're doing a flava flav roast! No one can replace the Flav! http://roast.atomuploads.com
SFGalSJG | Jul 19, 2007 12:20:22 PM | #It is only as long as I get a penicillin shot, and pick up a prescription Valtrex, that I can sit through this show without a follow-up visit to the public clinic.
Debra | Jul 22, 2007 7:51:50 PM | #Hey i went to school with that lauren girl and while i realize that people can change a lot in 7 years i concur with Rob there, i dont know how she got on there either. she was a quiet preppy bubble gum type. extremely nice always, but definitely a yuppie.
helley | Jul 22, 2007 8:09:34 PM | #Don't threaten me with a good time...
bahahaha
| Jul 25, 2007 3:10:17 PM | #check out this URL
http://www.afthumbs.com/galleries/amateur-facials/1/59/1515307
Brandi fan | Aug 5, 2007 6:22:17 PM | #
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