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'Pirate Master': You say you want a revolution
Me hearties, I thought a lot about mutiny this week. Not against the gentle crew of the SS Zap2it, but on Pirate Master. Here's how it works: Not only must the entire crew mutiny, but the officers must as well. Who thought up that latter bit? Why would the officers (who are in a nice spot) ever mutiny? Without it, I am almost positive we'd have had a mutiny this week. If you really want to hark back to pressgangs of old plus add some fun to this show, make the mutiny reliant only on the crew. And on that note...
The parrot says: Spoilers ahead! Awk!
Yes, we've sailed to a new night, and the previouslys manage to distill the entire show in three minutes. Without leaving much out. It's weird, despite the hourlong running time, I feel like I don't know most of these contestants as well as I have on other reality shows. There's a lot of filler here, lonnnnng pauses and drawn-out so-called tension.
Azmyth has proven himself an even crueller captain than Joe Don, now assigning the crew to menial tasks to wear them out pre-challenge. That's because the remaining men (Louie and Joe Don) must be on the red crew, another odd rule. I wonder whether that was a mid-show change, and if so, what else Mark Burnett could possibly do to even the odds. Because I gotta tell you, right now the Triad has so much advantage that I don't see them losing power. Ever.
But back to Azmyth, who feeds the crew gruel and has given up his comrade captain shtick in order to flaunt his fine dining and lack of manual labor.
This week's challenge is actually very rigorous, of course. The first leg is what looks like a long row to the western tip of the island, where a buoy marks an underwater clue. Red falls behind immediately, but makes up time thanks to Joe Don's heroics. How's that for a redemption story? The former rum-besotted tyrant is now my favorite competitor.
The next leg is to row all the way back east and then hike inland to a cannon, next to which are two "hidden" ropes. The ropes have been cleverly hidden under a few strands of dried weeds, and I roll my eyes. See, the underwater clue earlier had really cool set design, fake skeletons and such on the seabed. That made this look sad. Anyway, each rope is tied to a barrel which must be hoisted up a steep incline, and black prevails but then fails when it comes to brainpower.
Yes, they hork on the clue and have to wait for red to pull up their barrel; then they just follow them to the next clue (a giant wooden X), grab it and take the lead. Come on, Markie B. Don't design challenges that let one team sponge off the other. It's happened more than a few times on this show, to the point where my entire strategy would involve leisurely following the other team and then racing ahead at the last leg. Poor gameplanning, people.
Anyway, black takes the lead despite never having figured out the previous clue, and then passes red to complete a combination-lock puzzle and win the gold. Please, take a moment for the shock to settle in.
The take is $35,000, which is again split 60/40 between the officers and winning crew. Azmyth retains Ben and Jay as his officers, and black marks go to Joe Don, Louie and Nessa.
Ahoy, Pirate Court. Nessa quite rightly points out that the Triad has stacked the deck, though I'd place the blame more on poor forethought by Burnett & Co. Louie calls himself the father figure despite only being 43, not really old enough to be any of these scurvy dogs' fathers. Joe Don delights me by saying he'll cut to the chase, and then goes on and on so awkwardly that I have to think someone offscreen is urging him to eat up time. The gist: He's the warrior.
Nessa wins the pardon, so it's down to the men. Not even close, though; Louie gets just one vote to Joe Don's three, and Nessa rushes forward to plant what is both the sweetest and hottest spontaneous kiss on Joe Don that I've seen on unscripted television. Plus... Joe Don was right. He fought and fought, and I am actually sad to see him go, all previous mocking aside. Well played, brother.
Arrggh, this show is annoying and once again I keep asking myself, why do I keep watching it. Its boring, and if the Triad runs the show out, ugh. I can't stand Jay, he is not the Pirate Master he's the Puppet Master. Azmyth
has got to go too! I'll miss Joe Don, can't believe I will because the first week I couldn't stand him.
I like this show in spite of it, but why oh why must Zap2it reveal who the loser is on their front page? This is not the first time I've accidentally found out who is going home before I've seen a show I Tivo'd the night before. It's happened on Survivor, ANTM, and now Pirate Master. Hide the spoilers behind the link, people.
Fred | Jul 11, 2007 11:36:35 AM | #Yes, mutiny is hard. But I wonder why the contestants don't consider a real mutiny. Why couldn't they all get together before the challenge and agree that those that wound up on the black team would throw the challenge? It seems that the team has to always stick together during a challenge, so it would be a certain way to switch the powers. The problem with mutiny is that I think some of the girls think that they are safe for a bit, and have no reason to stir up trouble.
Oh and I'm happy to see Joe Don go. He was a real jerk as a captain even if others forgot that.
Well done once again. This show is startin' to really stink. Although it was the first time, I could see a card as it hit the sword (the only one for Louie). Amazingly enough, it came from the only one to promise to vote off Joe Don.
mark | Jul 11, 2007 1:58:09 PM | #I missed this week's, but just watched last week's, and all I have to say is that the editor repeated the same shot of Vanessa pulling on her hair and making strange scrunchy faces while Jay urged her to vote out Joy. And when a reality show has to use the same shot -- literally 5 seconds later -- you know it has gotten to a really bad point.
walt | Jul 13, 2007 9:41:34 PM | #
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