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'Big Brother 8': Oompa Loompa Doopity Doo!
Even though I have barely recovered from Tuesday's exciting episode, CBS is already tossing another hour of non-stop thrills and chills at me. And by thrills and chills I really mean soul crushingly vapid conversation and meaningless gossip. And that's entertainment! We begin this evening with the usual previously seen footage and a reminder that Amber and Carol are up for eviction and Julie Chen monologues about Tuesday as we are transported back to another duo tone flashback. I use the time to reflect on how much of the Big Brother budget goes into Chen's 80's hair.
I never come to an estimate because my thoughts are interrupted by Amber telling us tearfully ... again ... that she's here for her family. I figure at this rate, even if she doesn't go all they way, she can be a spokesperson for Kleenex tissues. After all, she's apparently trustworthy according to what Dick, Dustin, Nick and Daniele think, so why wouldn't you want to buy snot rags from her?
Carol tries to bury the hatchet with Jessica by apologizing for being such a bitch in middle school. My first reaction to this is that it is the most inane sentence we've heard spoken yet, but then I get distracted by a shocking realization: Jessica is orange. I am so stunned by this realization that I don't catch much of what they say other than to know they are fake smiling and neither of them mean a bit of it. Carol then starts to campaign for herself by telling Mike that none of the other females strike her as being intelligent and asking Zach to speak to the boys for her. Joe also campaigns for Carol saying that Amber and Dustin have formed an alliance and people should want to split it up. I am sure it has nothing to do with the fact the Amber has quickly become the person Dustin spends most of his time with and getting rid of her might possibly upset the man who gave him GONORRHEA! I am also sure that everything in the movie Terminator will one day come true and robots will take over the earth.
In the HoH bedroom, Kail and the boys try to talk about who they want to vote for, having quickly realized their votes will be the deciding factor, but they are interrupted by Jen walking in. She sees the assembled people and says, I kid you not, "If I had known it was a party I would have worn my birthday suit". For a split second I hope Jen wins the entire show, so that maybe she can buy a few drops of self worth. But then I realize that she will just spend the money on more Jen-shirts and I can't bear the thought of all the nonJensical slogans America will have to endure, so forget it.
We go to our first live shot of Chen-bot's head as she talks to the housemates via video feed. She asks Jen a question about adjusting and for her trouble she gets a few seconds of a blank stare until the hamster wakes up and Jen says "I didn't know you were gonna ask me a question!" and that's her answer. She moves on to ask Carol and Jessica about how they are getting along and they offer more fake smiles and double talk.
Next up, Chen asks Dick and Daniele how they feel about living together in the house. They stare at each other for a moment before Daniele suddenly flashes jazz hands and sings "AWKWARD!" and I fall in love with her skinny butt. Our last set of frenemies are each asked to say something nice about the other. Joe says Dustin has a beautiful smile ... and because he is incapable of not being at least somewhat catty, he adds that it's "purely surface". Dustin lets his inner bitch take a more subtle road by saying Joe has a "winning personality". Winning the annoyance and irritation of television viewers across America.
Julie and her Wilma Flintstone necklace say good-bye to the housemates for the moment and pivot to face the camera, where she intros the next montage. We get to meet Dick's son, Vincent, who looks very clean cut and who tells us that his father and sister stopped speaking because Daniele borrowed money from Dick and couldn't pay it back. Dick then "didn't handle it in the best way" and they stopped speaking. Basically, we only get half of the story at best. How much money did she borrow? What was it for? Why couldn't she pay it back? What did Dick do? Why didn't the production crew videotape any answers that were worthwhile? I guess because they also had to talk to Carlotte, Dick's mom, who tells us he became a dad at age 22 and wasn't prepared to deal with it. We round out the clip with some footage of Dick tearing up and talking about how much he misses his daughter and how much he wants to have a relationship with her again. And to win $500,000. Someone needs to break it to him that he can't do both.
Switching back to another live shot, we see Kail alone in the HoH room, giving her privacy from the other housemates. Chen asks her why she picked an alliance with all men. I expect Kail to answer as Carol would, that none of the girls seemed that smart, but instead she says Zach came to her first and he picked the other people. The true mastermind, revealed! Kail better hope Zach doesn't move to her town, because he'll take over. Lastly, Kail is asked if she was surprised by Eric's emotional conversation with her earlier in the week. She chalks it up to her age and being trustworthy and finishes up that Eric is a really nice guy. I start to wonder what the real story is in Kail's businesses, because in under 5 minutes we've seen how she's been subtly manipulated twice.
Speaking of Eric, we get a chance to see how Eric's family reacted to him being announced as America's Player. They are all sitting around the television to watch the first episode when Eric's dad pulls out a homemade cardboard stand up of his son. The family laughs and cheers as paper Eric is propped up on a side table. At first I don't know how to feel about the paper Eric, who has the paper collar on his paper polo shirt popped, but then the camera pans past a huge cardboard house, decorated with glitter and the housemate's pictures and I figure the family just really likes arts and crafts that include construction paper and safety scissors. They all go on about how Eric is a huge fan of all the prior seasons and how he already has his strategy in place and so they are all disappointed when he is named America's Player, bemoaning all that strategy going to waste. I consider writing them a letter about how strategy is just gossip, but then they all cheerfully turn their frowns upside down, by golly, and assure each other that Eric will use his new role to the best of his ability. How can you not like a family like that?
But now it's time for some evicting! We hear each player give a reason to keep and evict both Carol and Amber, except for the blonde oompa-loompa, who states that she just wants Carol gone no matter what. America apparently agrees with Jessica, because she is the one Eric has been told to cast his vote for. The girls each get a chance to say their last words and they both pretty much say that they've had fun, are honored to be here, wish everyone luck in the game and in life, blah blah blah. Only, Carol manages to say it without crying. And when it is announced that by a vote of 10 to 1 Carol is evicted, she responds with "Fabulous! I saw that one coming!" before giving everyone hugs and lugging her bag out the door with her chin held high. What a little trooper. Let's see how long that lasts, shall we?
Julie Chen begins Carol's exit interview by reminding her how she said Jessica was a different person than she was when they were in school together, and asks her to elaborate on that. Carol responds that she didn't mean a word of it and that Jessica is very much the same person she was in high school. So, it lasted less than 30 seconds. They move to a montage of all the nasty things Jessica has said about Carol in the last week while Carol's mouth hangs open. When Julie Chen asks for her reaction, she spits back that Jessica is "conceited and stuck up" and that she is never going to pay her back the $5.00. It strikes me that if there had been more of this sort of tension going on it would have been more interesting to watch Carol. Too bad!
We close the show with the HoH competition, a game they call Majority Rules. The housemates are put in little booths and are asked questions that have an A or B answer. They are instructed to answer what they think the majority of their housemates will answer, and each player that is in the minority will be eliminated until there's one left to take on the mantle of the HoH. They are asked questions along the lines of "Who would the housemates rather rub butter off of?" (only Zach answers Jen), and "Who do you think can hold a grudge longer: Dick or Daniele?" (surprisingly, the majority thinks Daniele can). When they get to less than 5 housemates left, they are asked a final question: "How many gallons of water does the spinning teacup in the backyard hold?" and whoever is closest to the correct answer wins. Most of the answers range from 136 to 220, except for Jen, who answers 41. No joke. What's even better? The correct answer is 9. Because there is a cut out in the side of the cup that water would flow out of. The cunning attempt to trick the players works, and Jen is the new HoH. What a world, what a world!
that was a good trick! i saw the cutout and didnt factor it into the gallons of water to fill the teacup. it will be fun to see jen as the hoh since everyone wants her to go. it always works that way on big brother.
randal | Jul 12, 2007 10:59:26 PM | #nonJensical! Wilma Flintstone's necklace! Zach! Bwa ha ha!
I don't think Jen can possibly be as stupid and annoying as she seems. It must be strategy, so that people will want to take her to the end as someone they can definitely beat. Right?
I love how Julie Chen tried to hook everyone into watching The Early Show by saying they would reveal the lone vote for Carol to stay... and then Jen blows it by apologizing to Amber for voting to oust her.
Amber needs to dry up, already. If she's crying in the first week she's going to lose all her marbles if she makes it to the last month.
StacyStrock9 | Jul 13, 2007 5:44:56 AM | #your best yet, Jessica. some really funny bits in there and some nice observations. I'll be too happy if I never have to hear how Amber is doing this for her family because she loves them so much. Anyone notice how Jameka is getting NO air time? The producers should have made up possible juicy stories for Eric to have told Kail, then we should have voted...because how anticlimatic was that bit? And why I am liking Dick all of a sudden? I have to say, you can tell this is really having a major impact on him. And how soon is Danielle (and the rest of the house) going to realize she should have used the POV and had Jen put up and voted out instead?
walt | Jul 13, 2007 6:13:08 AM | #Hilarious recap!! Great job. This show just keeps getting better and better.
Amy | Jul 13, 2007 6:17:15 AM | #I have to agree with Carol. Other than Kail, the other ladies in the house aren't the brightest bulbs. Jessica and Jen are in the running for the dumbest/most obnoxious/most annoying HGs.
Amber played the single mom card, and it worked. There'd be more fricition in the house if Carol stayed.
And Evil Dick isn't a bad guy. Misunderstood at times, but not a bad guy. He's trying to do the best for his kids.
I thought 275 gallons myself for the tea cup.
Tim | Jul 13, 2007 6:18:07 AM | #Isit me or is this the most boring group of hamsters yet???
pam | Jul 13, 2007 6:30:33 AM | #My girlfriend totally called the Wilma Flintstone necklace last night, too. Keen eyes, ladies.
Does anyone else notice how much Julie Chen flounders on live shows? She always freaks out about how she needs an answer, and how people have to reset their answers. Then the tie-breaker comes up before it should, and its always terrible.
I'm convinced that they added the hole-in-the-side loophole to get someone with som real brainpower as the HoH.
Mission Accomplished!
Rob Schulz | Jul 13, 2007 6:55:23 AM | #This is the MOST BORING group yet---casting fucked up big time this year.
tim | Jul 13, 2007 7:09:06 AM | #I was thinking the same thing about Julie Chen's hair as well. Was that a 70's pantsuit she was wearing as well, with flared legs??? OMG!! It's like they transplanted her from the early 80's onto the show! How much of the ozone layer is being affected by all the hairspray she needs for her hair?? Do I sound catty??? Sorry!!
Yep, definitely more tension in the house if Carol had stayed. Amber's going to be needing an ice pack for her face soon if she keeps up all this crying!!
Kail is dull, Kail is evil, Kail needs to go.
Mark | Jul 13, 2007 8:44:47 AM | #"(surprisingly, the majority thinks Daniele can)."
Surprising? Daniele hasn't talked to her father in 2 years! Isn't it obvious who can hold a grudge longer?
Jake | Jul 13, 2007 10:39:15 AM | #I figured the houseguests would have overestimated so I was playing like the Price is Right and picked "1" (as in 1 dollar) ... guess I would have been HoH. Not to mention I said to my friend RIGHT AWAY how much do you want to bet that the houseguests won't take into consideration the "door" into the teacup.
Jen only got HoH because the other competitors overthunk the question - pure dumb luck! The only bonus is that she can't be HoH next week so hopefully she'll be the 3rd guest to go.
And I agree, it's clear Daniele holds a grudge MUCH longer then Dick. Too bad Jessica wasn't an option, it's very clear that she does (it's been 10 fricken' years - LET IT GO!)
I really dislike Julie as the host everytime she piviots and stands up to look into another camera its like a robot and she makes everything so dramatic not to mention when she askes questions she does in a manner that makes the evicted houseguest sound dumb..
Tyson | Jul 13, 2007 1:48:53 PM | #Chenbot - funny stuff. Julie is terrible, she thinks is so hot and so important because she host this show. I refuse to watch the Early Show because she is on it, but since she is married to the head of CBS she is going nowhere. I agree this is a boring group.
derek | Jul 13, 2007 2:26:13 PM | #Chenbot really annoys me too...so much in fact that I watch any episode she is on with the TV muted. I can't believe I got sucked in to watching this show again this season. Just like AI every year I say I'm not going to watch it and every year I get sucked back in
Rachel | Jul 13, 2007 2:35:12 PM | #Best Recap Ever!
These are the most vacant group of contestants ever. I just don't hope that they let that homophobic Kail slide into the George role (At least Chicken George had a personality.) and she ends up there til the final four.
Say what you want about that vapid Jen and her annoying tee-shirts. Her winning HOH is the most interesting development thus far because had she lost, she was on the train out. Unfortunately, because she is a vapid bimbo, Dick or Daniele are going to the one going next week and if Dick goes, this show is going to go downhill fast.
Brian | Jul 13, 2007 2:50:44 PM | #Best Recap Ever!
These are the most vacant group of contestants ever. I just hope that they let that homophobic Kail slide into the George role (At least Chicken George had a personality.) and she ends up there til the final four.
Say what you want about that vapid Jen and her annoying tee-shirts. Her winning HOH is the most interesting development thus far because had she lost, she was on the train out. Unfortunately, because she is a vapid bimbo, Dick or Daniele are going to the ones nominated next week and if Dick goes, this show is going to go downhill fast.
Brian | Jul 13, 2007 2:53:03 PM | #Wasn't going to comment since I'm not sure I'm going to keep watching this show...but have to agree this group is rather boring compared to the last 2-3 seasons (only ones I've watched any part of).
As far as I can tell, the only reason to watch is for the eye candy, which seems to have been driving factor in casting. Nearly all the guys are young and buff and nearly all the girls are young and curvy. Something for everyone I guess. (Judging by Joe and Dustin, Zac Efron...er, I mean Nick...will do fine for the gay contingent...).
Haven't watched consistently enough to have much opinion on who should stay or go, beyond the fact that they should slap a strip of duct tape over Joe's mouth and boot him out the door as fast and far as possible.
Arron | Jul 13, 2007 5:29:36 PM | #I wanted Amber to go, I'm so tired of her puffy-faced tearful confessionals. Someone hit her in the face with a shovel.
And I absolutely detest Jenital Herpes. She's the most vacuous twit I've seen on reality TV in a long time. I hope she stays around, because I am always incredulous at how transparent and clueless she is. Does she not know she's a parody of a stereotype?
Siansonea | Jul 14, 2007 10:15:06 AM | #
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