I like Iron Chef and Top Chef, which is almost certainly why my attention span for FOX's Hell's Kitchen is minimal. I prefer that my cooking competition shows actually weave a little cooking into their competition, just for fun.

There aren't myriad reasons to watch Hell's Kitchen. The show's pleasures are singular: You watch to see Chef Gordon Ramsey swear, rant and rave at inept culinary practitioners. And, as a rule, the subjects of his derision and abuse are completely deserving of the treatment, because they've been cast for a cooking show despite gifts that would find them better suited for doing dishes at Dennys. And that's needlessly offensive to Dennys. Love that Moon Over My Hammy.

Hell's Kitchen returns to FOX on Monday (June 4) night with a third season premiere that's very much in keeping with what fans of the show love and what might cause true epicureans to hold out another week for the third season launch of Top Chef (complete with Anthony Bourdain as a guest judge) on Bravo.

The winner of this show is going to allegedly get to be head chef at Terra Rosa restaurant at the Green Valley Ranch Resort, Spa and Casino in Las Vegas, so everything you need to know about this season's crop of pseudo-chefs is made clear within 10 minutes. Ramsey asks each chef to make their signature dish and I'm not sure that any of the 12 contestants made anything even vaguely appetizing. There's a certain frustration in the obviousness of casting Joanna, a 22-year-old Detroit native whose idea of flirtation makes her seem like a bad Tracy Morgan-in-drag character from SNL and whose signature dish is overcooked chicken next to a watery blob of pasta. Or Julia, a 28-year-old line cook from Atlanta whose Waffle House roots are evident in her signature dish, a gloppy penne dish tossed with fried chicken. I know it's good TV for an underdog to have a chance to win, but were there no underdogs who could cook?

Since Ramsey is obviously the hero of the show, the contestants are generally cast as potential adversaries, rather than as worthy equals. Early targets for mockery include nightclub chef Vinnie, a brash Jersey native who starts mouthing off immediately and earns little sympathy with his inability to prepare either pasta or risotto properly. I feel a bit guilty for rooting against Aaron, a 48-year-old retirement home chef, but if you're an overweight Asian man, the oldest player by nearly 20 years, and you show up for judging in an undersized cowboy hat and later start bawling like a baby, you deserve what you get.

I think I could root for Rock, a 30-year-old family man, but he served Chef Ramsey frozen gnocchi and even I know that's wrong. And Eddie, a 28-year-old old with a kidney disorder is obviously worthy of support, but he brings out an icky softer side of the Chef.

It doesn't matter that I wouldn't want to go to the actual Hell's Kitchen to eat food prepared by any of these people (as opposed to new Top Chef crop, where I've got respect for seven or eight people after watching just the premiere). In the truncated Hell's Kitchen premiere sent to critics by FOX, three or four people are reduced to tears, one or two experience dizzy spells and Chef Ramsey swears at everybody.

Who could ask for anything more?

Check in after the premiere and let me know what you think...

Comments

I enjoyed the 1st 2 seasons of Hell's Kitchen. And for summer time reality shows, it is refreshing that the host is the star of the show and not the contestants. The cooks are props for Ramsey. He is the reason to watch. It's cooking's version of boot camp. Imagine if Jeff swore at the contestants on Survivor and made them cry LOL.

Daniel | Jun 2, 2007 11:20:05 PM | #

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I didnt get to watch the first season I didnt hear about this show till last season but I love it I love watching Chef Ramsey yell at the people to do good I cant wait till it is on tonight

Ashley | Jun 4, 2007 3:42:52 AM | #

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And where else would you have the opportunity to learn the value of the word "donkey" as an insult. Chef Ramsey's best put downs are the ones that are profanity free!

I'm very excited to see this show again this summer.

Chancevs | Jun 4, 2007 8:10:02 AM | #

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I too didnt see the first season, and started watching it last year. Hells Kitchen is entertaining and yes, believe it or not when Ramsay yells explatives, its because he wants the food to be top notch... usually. HK is a great change from the standard reality show genre. You have to give it some props because each year it goes on a 9 month hiatus, which is mostly unheard of, and still gets consistant good ratings each year. Whoever hasnt seen HK should give it a shot.

Jason | Jun 4, 2007 9:07:33 AM | #

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..and in the series finale of Survivor, Jeff Probst has been sidelined due to a roe-eating incident after spending a night interviewing the losing tribe and CBS has hired Gordon Ramsey to host!

Is it sad that I'd probably watch that?

pakopako | Jun 4, 2007 11:41:57 AM | #

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I've watched every episode of Hell's Kitchen. It is the oasis of comic relief during a long summer of re-runs. Gordon is the star and he rules the roost like a true showman as well as a great chef. After reading your review, Daniel Fienberg, I would have to say that you have a palate like a cow's backside.

Kevin | Jun 4, 2007 11:45:44 AM | #

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I was considering watching but since you are reviewing it Daniel - I'll watch for sure! The best part of watching TV is reading your reviews - they always make me laugh!

Carol | Jun 4, 2007 2:39:23 PM | #

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I wish to congratulate Chef Ramsey for his brilliant vision. He can separate the good from the mediocre. I am referring to 7/23/07 Hell's Kitchen TV show. What he did for Julia, the little Waffle House cook, was absolutely wonderful. I can understand his quest for excellence. He realized Julia truly needed a true culinary education taught by some great chefs to stabilize her abilities in becoming a great chef herself. He saw her potential. I hated to see how she was treated because of her background. (Little or no culinary education.) Julia is a fast learner and will be a credit to Chef Ramsey. I applaud you, Chef Ramsey!

Ali Long | Jul 23, 2007 9:10:18 PM | #

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The culinary colleges help students to enhance their culinary careers. They provide their students with all the necessary skills to build an exciting career in food service industry as chefs, bakers, cooks, stewards etc.

http://www.culinaryschoolsprograms.com/

nevia987 | Jun 16, 2008 3:23:17 AM | #

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