I have a confession to make: I'm a gadget junkie. I get an illicit thrill when I duck into Sharper Image and Hammacher Schlemmer stores. I enjoy it when my plane is stuck on the runway because it means I get to spend more time poring over the SkyMall catalog. I have been known to purchase items As Seen On TV. So you'd think I'd be the perfect audience for American Inventor.

But dear sweet son of Popeil, there are a lot of delusional people out there.

I never thought my heart would bleed for millionaire reality show judges, but oh, the pain! Judges George Foreman (he of the beloved, ubiquitous grill, and I hear he did some boxing once upon a time), Pat Croce (sports medicine guru,  Philly sports legend, motivational speaker, but I don't see where he actually invented any products), Sara Blakely (creator of Spanx undergarments and therefore the patron saint of just about any woman who has ever consumed one cheeseburger too many before having to zip up her skinny jeans or a slinky skirt) and Peter Jones (federally mandated Snide, Superior and Savage British judge) alternated between laughing and crying when confronted with some of the products. A couple of times, they recoiled in fear. It wasn't pretty.

That's not to say the show was totally wasted – It was actually educational. For example, I learned that host Nick Smith intoning how much money inventors sunk into their creations probably meant said inventions were crap. I learned that inventors are spending their time on fitness gimmicks, cleaning products and toys, not anything actually useful. I learned that extreme close-ups on crying nine-year-old girls make me furious. And most importantly, I learned that New York is full of crazy people.

On to the promising inventions:

Elmer George introduced Whiz-Ball, a game involving a ball on an elastic string that clips to the player's shirt, and two paddle gloves worn on the hands. I could see it being a one-season novelty item.

Sandra Erickson brought the Peel-Away Shower Curtain, a many-layered shower liner that allows you to peel off a gunky layer to reveal a clean shower curtain beneath. On the one hand, it's the sort of landfill-clogging product of our throwaway society that will lead to Arizona having beach-front property. On the other hand, considering how disgusting my shower curtain is, I should probably own one.

Christina Raitano showed Cart Cure Handle Covers, protective covers that prevent your kids from picking up plague from your bacteria-ridden grocery cart handle. I've got friends who would probably buy it.

John and Henrietta Sparks brought the Dog Ball, a retractable leash inside a weighted base. Apparently it lets you keep your dog with you anywhere you go. I was unimpressed, but I'm  a cat person.

Most baffling of the folks who got through was Wesley Caudill, who managed to spend $300,000 on his product. Expert Racers is essentially a gravity-based plastic matchbox-car race track. I have absolutely no idea how he was able to spend that much money - did the track have a gold core under the plastic? Insane. Nevertheless, the judges let him though, but I see him washing out soon.

Bad ideas:

The Tri-Swim Trainer, a sort of land-based swimming treadmill. Inventor James Davis looked like he was going to decapitate himself while demonstrating the device, and almost capsized several times.

A tiered jewelry box incorporating a web cam, voice recorder, music center, karaoke machine, locking mechanism and air conditioner. It also talks. The mind reels.

Safe Sex in a Bottle, a small bottle-shaped condom holder that attaches to a key ring. That's what wallets are for.

The Easy Run Belt, a belt that teaches you how to run while you're running. It's like a zen koan.

Ins-Tan-Abs, a stencil that allows you to tan on the illusion of six-pack abs. Dear god, that's dumb.

The Wee Pod, a truly disturbing infant bouncy chair that looked like some sort of science-fiction monster incubator.

And then there were the crazy folks, conveniently bookending our program.

First up was Carlo Giansanti, who invested $10,000 in various forms of copper mesh, which he breaths through, sleeps in, and wraps around his head like a chain-mail helmet. He claims it cures everything from Alzheimer's to TB. Pity it doesn't seem to do anything for delusions.

And our last sight was Silvio DiSalvatore, "inventor" of The Black Cougar, "the only superhero who has one goal: To protect children." OK, first of all, wrong show: Who Wants to Be a Superhero doesn't start until July, and I'm not covering it (have fun with that, Andy!). Second, I don't know if a character counts as an invention: it's more a copyrightable concept than a patentable product. Third, I'm pretty sure there are plenty of superheroes that protect children - wasn't that the whole point (such as it was) of Power Pack? I did appreciate his mullet, his showmanship and his spiffy all-black ensemble set off by white elevator shoes, but he really should have been sporting a straitjacket.

Would you buy any of the products you saw? Was it unforgivable for the judges to burst out laughing at some of the inventors, or did you admire their restraint? Do superheroes even qualify as inventions? Are there no sane inventors in the entire city of New York? Will you tune in again?

Comments

I felt bad for the little girl too - but she seemed to be pretty precocious. I think it's funny to see the judges laugh. Superheroes do not qualify as inventions. I will tune in again

lisa anne | Jun 21, 2007 2:21:23 PM | #

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I think Silvio DiSalvatore with the black couger had a good idea. Kids love action figures and movies.His idea was good because would we have other action figurs and shows about heros if there wasent people like him?Not only was it just a action figure it was one that saves kids.Alot of kids would love that toy.I hope he makes it!

Ryan | Jun 21, 2007 2:25:26 PM | #

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At the risk of sounding like a spammer, being a gadget junkie you may be interested in knowing about the SquidFace and ComfyRest pillows. I invented and patented these pillows to relieve my neck pain from a herniated disk. These multi-use pillows enable me to lie facedown comfortably and breathe without turning my head to the side. Unexpected benefits of these pillows are snoring relief; neck, shoulder and back muscle tension relief; scoliosis, sinus, migraine, ear pain, snoring and more while using face-up and sideways. Stomach sleepers are finding their backs feel better after using these pillows. Many of the benefits are on my website. www.SquidFace.com

Bob Cuddy | Jun 22, 2007 3:37:50 AM | #

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First they we're beige boots not white platforms. Secondly if Silvio was to wear a straight jacket I know for a fact it'l be a Black Cougar straight jacket. Black with the logo on the back. Thanks to all. Black Cougar for President......

Black Cougar | Jun 22, 2007 5:48:59 AM | #

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Carlo has a website (of course) carlocopper.com & a patent Patent #6266824.

demark | Jun 22, 2007 7:47:56 AM | #

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I, too had a hard time watching the little girls tears. Thanks to George for saving the day. Personally,I hope the Cart Cure wins. I patented that invention in 1998 and never did anything with it. Would like to see some royalties.

Sonya | Jun 23, 2007 8:46:31 AM | #

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I wish that someone would "invent" good TV programming again. The reality is, Reality TV is passe'.

Bobby Vassallo | Jun 23, 2007 12:44:11 PM | #

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I wish that someone would "invent" good TV programming again. The reality is, Reality TV is passe'.

Bobby Vassallo | Jun 23, 2007 12:44:45 PM | #

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I'm with you Sonya - I hope Cart Cure wins....

I have 4 children that are too old for the "Elmo" covers. I would like to use something that suits our personality. I visit stores that have carts on a daily basis, it would be nice to use something over and over!

anonymous | Jun 23, 2007 1:16:15 PM | #

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The DrySwim Trainer teaches BODY POSITION first and water interaction second. Body position is easier to teach and understand by feeling it. The DrySwim Trainer is a work in progress. The model I presented is the second rought prototype to see the first go here: http://www.dryswimtrainer.com/first-prototype/ . Below is great info to understand more about the freestyle long axis swim stroke and then you will understand the problem it really does solve esp. when you consider strengthening the body core which is the power source behind each swim stroke. But as you can clearly see from my website it DOES WORK. http://www.dryswimtrainer.com/ and click here: http://www.dryswimtrainer.com/dryswimtrainer-video/ and double click on the arrow button.

James Davis | Jun 27, 2007 2:40:05 PM | #

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Thank you for all the interest but I wanted to present my side of what went wrong from the show. First, I had to assemble the thing in the dark cause we needed to move it on to the stage. When I assembled it I did not make the length adjustment properly and I did not realize that until I was on the DrySwim Trainer and falling off of it BECAUSE I was not able to reach the foot stablizer stirups so it appears not to work. But as you can clearly see from my website it DOES WORK. http://www.dryswimtrainer.com/ and click here:
http://www.dryswimtrainer.com/dryswimtrainer-video/ and double click on the arrow button. If you want to be the first one on your block to own a DrySwim Trainer click here: http://www.dryswimtrainer.com/Own-Your-DrySwm-Trainer/

James Davis | Jun 29, 2007 8:40:51 AM | #

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Concept Behind DrySwim Trainer Design
Below is a description of swimming on which the DrySwim Trainer was designed: Recent research has shown that hand force applied to the water is really generated by the rotation of the hips, and not by the muscles of the arm. The muscles that pull the arm through the water are attached within one inch of the top of the arm. With a 21" arm, the lever ratio is 1:20, which means that a 100 lbs. of pull by the shoulder muscles produces only 5 lbs. of force at the hand as it pushes back against the water. The torque generated by the larger, stronger hip muscles, on the other hand, whips the hands through the water, much like golfers or batters whip their clubs and bats through the air with a fast turn of the hips. Elite swimmers who were able to make modest increases in the acceleration of their hips doubled their peak hand force output. The time spent on the side should be maximized so the shoulders do not break the water-line and do not produce bow waves. This reduces the frontal cross-section, reducing drag further, and also increasing the ratio between the body's water-line-length and width. Similar improvements are possible by orienting the narrowest direction of head, hands, legs and arms into the water. The torso is by far the most critical. The motion of the hand, arm, and leg from the back to the front should be in the air for as much time during the recovery stroke as possible, and in the water, oriented as hydrodynamically as possible, because the returning appendage has to move at least twice as fast as the swimmer, and in the water generates eight times the drag (which increases with the cube of the speed) of an equal amount of torso frontal area. Rotating your shoulders also adds power to one's pull by using abdominal muscles to help pull the arm through the water. check out dryswimtrainer.com for more info or proof of concept go here: http://www.dryswimtrainer.com/dryswimtrainer-video2/ and double click on the arrow.

James Davis | Jun 29, 2007 8:43:24 AM | #

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Christina Raitano's idea is exeptinal because i hate using the wipes to clean the cart handles at the store. Some stores don't have that optio at all. Christina is my neighbor, but that is not why I love her American Invention

ltsakonas | Jul 4, 2007 10:46:25 PM | #

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i love the backless bra because I get the support of great bra but get to show off a bare back.

lenie | Jul 4, 2007 10:48:53 PM | #

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i have come up with an invention that with out a doubt every auto mechanic in the world would want it in their tool box. but my problem is not knowing how to go about the steps of producing it? help me ron popeil 727-637-4022

james dudley | Jul 10, 2008 7:51:32 AM | #

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