'On the Lot' Stinks
So I watched On the Lot on Monday (May 28) night so that we'd have things to talk about, dear readers.
The only problem is that none of you watched with me.
The audience for the first Monday night airing of On the Lot was small. All together now: How small was it? I don't have a punchline here, actually. It averaged fewer than 2.9 million viewers, a figure so low that not only would a House repeat have performed better (that goes without saying), but FOX would have gotten better ratings with an episode of Drive. Or Justice. Or even Vanished. That's LOW.
And this isn't one of those situations where it might be wise to let On the Lot find its audience. That's not going to happen. The show stinks.
Problem No. 1: Aspiring filmmakers are an insufferable lot, far worse than aspiring models, singers or even chefs. And I say that even though, as a film school grad myself, some of my best friends are aspiring filmmakers. But when an On the Lot contestant like Marty Martin turns in an obnoxiously derivative one-minute trailer as his comedy film and then claims that the filmmaker he most compares himself to is "Marty Martin," somebody at FOX must be banging their head against a brick wall.
Problem No. 2: It's certainly possible to find a good student or amateur film, particularly in this age of digital video and easily accessible editing technology. But few things in life are less pleasant than watching 18 student films in a two-hour period. Even best case scenario, you're going to get a qualitative ratio like a dozen viewers saw on Monday: One or two really good films, three or four films with excellent concepts or executions (but not both), five entirely mediocre films and 10 awful films.
Problem No. 3: If you walk into a room and sing for one minute, I have a pretty good idea of whether or not you have a good voice. If you bring me your five photo portfolio, I have a decent gauge of whether or not you can be a model. After a couple meals, I can tell if you can cook. But making the greatest one-minute comedy in the history of the universe doesn't make you a good filmmaker. Making 10 one-minute films in every genre imaginable barely reaches the tip of the iceberg toward proving if you have the ability to make a two-hour movie.
Problem No. 4: The prize sounds good, but it's total bunk. OK, a million dollar anything is pretty sweet, but DreamWorks doesn't really greenlight very many movies, particularly since it got folded into Paramount. As few movies as DreamWorks greenlights, the number of movies that go forward without a name like Steven Spielberg or Michael Bay or Peter Jackson attached is so small it's a statistical anomaly. The winner will get a million dollars and a year to sit in an office and write, but nobody's getting the chance to make a DreamWorks movie out of this show, particularly given its ratings.
Some quick thoughts on Monday's screened comedies:
The Good: Zach Lipovsky's The Danger Zone was the only short I felt inclined to go online to vote for. I liked the concept for Shira-Lee Shalit's The Check-Out, the simplicity of Will Bigham's Lucky Penny and the visual flair of Phil Hawkins' Please Hold.
The Bad: I already mentioned Marty Martin's The Big Bad Heist, which was neither a comedy nor a short film and therefore should probably merit his immediate elimination anyway. Kenny Luby's Wack Alley Cab played less as a parody of late-night local access commercials and more as the obnoxious thing itself. And Jessica Brillhart managed to bungle a simple lightbulb joke.
The Ugly: In Jason Epperson's Ghetta Rhoom, a mentally handicapped man is mocked, beaten up, hit by a car and sent to hell. The filmmaker told the judges that the main character was just supposed to be a nerd. Oh. That makes it funny?
The Just-Plain-Weird: This goes to the judges, who seemed hard-pressed to offer any kind of constructive criticism. It was particularly awkward to watch Garry Marshall tell every female contestant that they should only make gender-specific movies. That, Garry, is the kind of thinking that keeps your sister Penny from being able to make movies in Hollywood.
Did anybody else watch last night's show? Thoughts? And if you didn't watch, why aren't you watching?
I felt a little saddened and befuddled by Garry Marshall's frequent statements about women directors. I know what he was getting at, and it was well-intentioned: We need more women directors and more women bringing their perspectives and influence to the mainstream film world. Fine. But Daniel's right on the money. GM needs to just cut it out.
But, along that vein, I find it a little interesting that 4 of 6 female finalists were not US-born. Maybe they're killing 2 diversity stones with one stone.
I was actually pleased with Zach Lipovsky... at first I thought he'd just be "the awesome effects guy" but he seems to realize that the FX need to serve a narrative or they're pointless. Hopefully he'll approach other challenges with the "Pixar" approach": story is everything.
Garry Marshall was just embar***ing. To himself, the other judges, and the show. he seems like a nice enough guy, but couldn't they find someone a little less fossilized? I was shocked that no one called him on his patronizing sexism.
I haven't watched this weeks episodes yet, but I enjoyed the first two episodes.
Not like there's anything else on TV right now...
I didn't watch the show as it seemed an inane concept. Your review makes it a definate NO for the future. I rented a movie. I am not sure why I pay for cable these days.
Wow. I am so disappointed in this show. The judges are inexplicably repetitive, supportive, and inarticulate. The host is robotic. Did they THINK about what these judges would do for the show? That is, that they would render it completely unwatchable???
I posted my "reviews" of the shorts on my site. Too bitter to share in a public setting. ;D
I enjoyed the show, but I have to agree about Garry Marshall. His comments to the women were so patronizing that they totally undercut what I think he was trying to say. They definitely need a Simon Cowell judge - someone who has a discerning eye and can communicate it plainly. They also should have gone with 12 directors instead of 18.
Zach Lipovsky blew me away with his entry "Danger Zone". Ok, perhaps I'm biased as he's Canadian, but really, other than the delivery cell phone one, the gals are out. That leaves Zach and what guys? Spaced Out, Lucky Penny, Dancing Man & File Size.
Small bunch for our up and coming young directors group. Hollywood is in more trouble than it already seems to be.
Gary Marshall has never been articulate and was cast as a judge as he was simply not busy. Shame on them!
I'm just dissapointed with who they eliminated. Phil was great (better than Marty Martin) and I would have actually enjoyed seeing what he could do next. The two women who were eliminated were certainly far better than the "lightbulb' filmmaker (ugg) or "****ing on a bus" film. The woman from "Spain" at least didn't take herself too seriously -- meaning, she wasn't desperate to win but instead a true artist. And the "pregnancy phone' film was at least very well shot, with a beginning/middle/end and a good acting performance by the lead..
Either America continues to be idiotic with their tastes, Dreamworks is rigging the votes, or the 'lightbuld' the incomprehensible and self-indulgent "wacky cabby" and Marty Martin have tons of relatives who have nothing better than to keep voting for their relatives.
Carrie Fisher is completely inarticulate and unhelpful, and we're stuck with her every week. At least Garry Marshall made the insightful remark to do with Gotta Pee that women have a different point of view and he'd like to see it. Not just do what a man would do.
In any case, who cares because it seems America wants to get rid of all the women and foreigners.
Gerry Marshall is a senile old coot (I say that as a term of endearment) and is easily the most competent of the three judges. The third wheel is sometimes bad (last week's) and sometimes decent (this week's).
"On The Lot" has two hours every week and about eight weeks to pull it off. They should have gone with a reversed American Idol format instead of what they're doing now. Especially with a host that's a little hard on the ears.
The first hour of the week can be done purely on showing off the finished products and a quick interview with director. The second hour deals with the madcap behind-the-scenes making-of bits of each movie culminated by a 10-12 minute vote-off. But FOX has instead chosen to fluff the show up with as much filler and ad-breaks as possible. (instead of asking the directors to try and incorporate it more frequently into their shorts -- such as the pregnancy where the woman is using the new Verizon phone)
At least that way, they could honestly hype the show as "World's Newest Commercials".