I put a stopwatch to the Dancing with the Stars results show Tuesday night, and I came up with the following amount of time devoted to stuff actually related to which dancers were staying or going home:

Eight and a half minutes. And that's being a little generous and including the interview segment where Joey Fatone and Apolo Ohno said they were glad to be moving on, and the taped piece about how standing there waiting to hear results is nerve-wracking.

So that's 8 minutes, 30 seconds devoted to results in an hour-long program that calls itself a "results show." That's more or less consistent with the results-to-filler ratio over on American Idol, at least as calculated here.

Midway through the evening, though, I started to wonder if maybe I had the wrong idea. It looks like ABC wants us to think of Dancing results night as a variety show, with the voting off of this week's unlucky couple as just one element.

Why else, if not that, would the network give us not just Ciara, not just Josh Groban, but also "Eye of the Tiger"? Yeah, Survivor was risin' up once again Tuesday as the pros danced a paso doble to the Rocky III theme song. (Fun fact: The band's former lead singer is the guy singing in the Bud Light "Real Men of Genius" ads.)

And if this isn't a variety show, why would there be any point to the comedy dance instruction of Jimmy Kimmel, or the segment in which a numerologist and a guy who reads auras offer their picks to take the trophy? (Those would be Laila and Ian, respectively.)

We did get to those results eventually, and the confirmed the Don't Be Average theory in evidence last week. Even though Leeza Gibbons and her fake chest tattoo tied for the lead among the judges -- who called her tango on Monday "basic," but we think they meant it as a compliment, sort of like what Diane Court meant about Lloyd Dobler -- she didn't do any "wow" sort of moves, so that landed her in the bottom two.

Gibbons will get to come back next week, though, because after escaping the ax last week, ex-Miss USA Shandi Finnessey is out this time, perhaps as punishment for picking that dreadful cover of "Crocodile Rock." Clyde Drexler, Monday's low man with the judges, also gets to hang for another week.

And since I've been slagging the producers this whole post for the padding in the show, I should mention that I freaking love the use of "Careless Whisper" as the last-dance song. Sure, it's awfully on the nose, but somehow that seems to fit the Dancing with the Stars ethos perfectly.

All right then: Sad to see Shandi go? Who should join her next week?

Comments

I figured Shandi would be the one to go, due to only ok dancing coupled with lack of a distinctive fan base. I thought Clyde should have gone though- everyone else at least appears to be putting more effort and passion into their dancing and overall performance.

I'll have to wait for next week's performances, but I am guessing, unless a major change occurs in Clyde, he will be the one who I think should go once again. But, I doubt that will happen. The first few to go each season are generally more a result of lack of popularity than anything else (even moreso than later in the competition) so I think Leeza will actually be the next to leave. She got the highest judges score- but obviously had the second to lowest or lowest fan score, to end up in the bottom 2. I doubt she will be the best judges score next week, so she is really in danger with a lack of fans.

EMP | Apr 4, 2007 5:15:58 AM | #

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I knew Shandi would go as well. She looks good but she can't dance a damn and she has no fan base outside of that game show Lingo with Chuck Woolery.

I'm surprised Clyde hasn't been kicked off yet considering he hasn't danced once. He just does the zombie shuffle. Painful. Why do sports people on these shows get raved over when they can't dance a damn?

Beth | Apr 4, 2007 8:00:18 AM | #

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It's times like this I'm so thankful I have TiVo. I managed to watch the show in less than five minutes.

Carrie | Apr 4, 2007 10:44:44 AM | #

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The main thing I found interesting about last night's show was that despite being tied for first, Leeza COULD end up tied for last.

That tells me the fan votes really DO something.

I really WANTED to be for Clyde, but he doesn't have the charm and charisma of Emmitt, and his dancing is minimal, so it'd be nice if he went next - not that I think that will happen.

Jan | Apr 4, 2007 1:01:56 PM | #

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well i would have liked to see
Clyde go off too, because he
has no rythm for dance,so maybe
next time for him but probably
he has big fan base that will
vote him back in which isn't
right,the fans need to vote for
the dancers that really know
how to dance and perform well,
a little showmanship too goes
along way too.

Theresa | Apr 4, 2007 4:59:54 PM | #

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After that Starwars disaster tango I thought Joey should move down and not up. That music was just wrong for dancing and the rat tail was gross. No more light sabers please!

Alexa | Apr 5, 2007 9:33:13 AM | #

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tia | Apr 5, 2007 11:02:27 AM | #

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hey this is really important infomation

tia | Apr 5, 2007 11:03:07 AM | #

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