'Idol' Results 03/28: Every little thing isn't magic
American Idol fans, let's take pause, for just a second, to enjoy these blissfully brief 30-minute results shows while we still can. If having to watch 'Til Death is the price we pay for less filler, then so be it, says I.
Wednesday (March 28) night's Idol results show begins with host Ryan Seacrest taking the stage in a frightful wig mimicking Sanjaya Malakar's unique seven-horned faux-hawk from Tuesday. As the crowd whoops and Sanjaya has a great laugh at his own perceived tonsorial bravery, Ryan declares, "I've been Sanjayaed."
Doesn't that sound like just about the worst thing that could happen to somebody at this point? It's not as painful as being Bobbitted, I guess. It's a bit more dignified than being Britneyed. It has better hygiene than being Federlined. But does anybody want to be Sanjayaed?
The evening's Ford commercial plays to the fetishistic tendencies of any viewer with a desire to see Chris Richardson in chaps. While the ladies of Bad Girls were more believable as Western heroes, Chris lip-synches amiably to "I Fought the Law." As always, the commercial makes me want to trade in my own Ford for something Japanese.
It's immediately time for the Bottom Three.
Blake Lewis is safe. LaKisha Jones isn't going anywhere. Despite having given one of his very best performances on Tuesday, Phil Stacey is the first contestant sent to the Bottom Three. Melinda Doolittle is good to go for another week. Chris Richardson, bedecked with what appear to be product labels, is safe. America's favorite lightning rod Sanjaya will antagonize viewers for another week. Haley Scarnato, whose name is accompanied by whistles and hoots, is sent to join Phil. Jordin Sparks is good to go as well. That leaves Gina Glocksen (one of Tuesday's standouts) and Chris Sligh (Tuesday's biggest dud) waiting while FOX sells products.
The answer to tonight's American Idol Challenge is Ruben Studdard, but you knew that, America. And Ryan reveals that Exxon-Mobil has signed on as a sponsor for Idol Gives Back, which totally makes up for that whole Valdez thing. Darnit. I promised I wouldn't make fun of Idol Gives Back. Seriously, anything charitable Exxon-Mobil wants to do is worth supporting.
Does it make me an old man that I desperately want to call Gwen Stefani's duet partner "Acorn"? Yes. I suppose it does. Well, Ol' Gwen and Acorn do a very winning rendition of "The Sweet Escape." As we learned last night, this is one of those songs that's fun when Gwen sings it and probably wouldn't be bad for Jordin Sparks, but would take on new meaning if Sanjaya were get the chance to do his own cover. [Gwen is tall. Ryan is short. That bears repeating.]
Back to Gina and Chris on the spot. Gina sticks out her lower lip in feigned sadness as Chris goes off to the Bottom Three. Ryan quickly sends Phil back to the group, safe.
Randy says it's a tough call. Paula says this is never a fun time. Pressed for candor, Simon announces, "I think it's bye-bye Curly,"
Ultimately, Haley is safe and we'll all be able to ogle her for at least one more week. Sorry. I mean we'll be able to appreciate her unique take on the music of Tony Bennett.
That's it for Chris. He won't have the chance to make David Hasselhoff cry. Chris is given the chance to reprise the Police song he destroyed on Tuesday night. Guess what? He still can't sing it. In a cute moment, he exits hugging his fellow contestants, telling Phil he owes him 50 bucks.
The 'Fro Patro' is no mo'.
Ryan describes Chris as "one of the most clever contestants we've ever had" and my two-bit analysis is simple: Chris made it into the Top 24 on the basis of his personality, but decided he wanted to actually win the competition on the basis of his voice and he ditched almost everything that was initially playful about his persona. Since he wasn't a bad singer, that good faith carried over for a few weeks, but the first week his voice (and sense of rhythm) failed Chris totally, viewers no longer had that wit and humor to remember.
So long, Chris. You weren't the worst singer left, but American Idol is a game and you didn't play it correctly.
America, did you make the right choice? And what Tony Bennett song should Sanjaya sing? Sound off on the Idol results...
And check out all of our Complete Zap2it American Idol Coverage.
new edict: STRANGLE SANJAYA!!!
Sanjaya needs to go away! He is terrible singer... this is a singing competition. it makes me really want to not watch anymore American Idol if they are going to keep people on that just totally suck and are not even nice looking.
Daniel, wrong again on Phil. Bottom three baby! And I know it has to irk you that Blake is heading for the finals. But he performs, not just sings, and I'll bet he has just as many commercial possibilities as Chris Daughtry.
Here we go again!!! What's up with america, I just don't get it!! Clearly again, we all know who should of went home--hair boy, & I still say, the way it's going, old San j might just win this whole thing!! I know one thing, If Lakisha or Melinda go, & he's still there, I resolve to stop watching once & for all!! I haven't missed an episode since it started, but this is starting to tee me off pretty bad!! Clearly this is one time when I wish the judges did have some kind of say in these matter's!! Even simon said if he wins, he's done, & I believe old simon says, might just do it!! And what about old "J", on the hunger strike thing, is this even for real, if so, she might want to reconsider for her health, cuz something tells me he might be around for awhile yet!! I wonder if they might be keeping him on just to see what he'll do next week, it sure can't be for his singing!! Here's hoping next week he'll be gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Every week people say how much they want Sanjaya gone and I am one of those people but there comes a time when a person just needs to give up. Even Simon couldn't come up with anything to say about his perfromance on Tuesday which means that he's has tired as everyone else. If Sanjaya wins there will only be a few people who will buy his cd. Anyone else find the William Hung commercial funny? Hey if Sanjaya is sticking around might as well has William Hung show up right? "She tans, she tans"
Well, they've all got to go sometime.... Too bad for Chris that people are giving Sanjaya the pity vote, though. Anyone remember how long poor John Stephens rode the pity vote in season 3?
In any case, the level of talent from the likes of Melinda, Lakisha, and Jordin dwarfs everyone by comparrison. It was just Chris's time.
Acorn looked like Mr Eko from "Lost". And Gwen resembled his stick!
Shame about Sligh. One poorly timed week, as opposed to REPEATEDLY tone deaf like Satanjaya, and he's done.
What's great is to see Satanjanya's ego grow, in contrast to the viewing m***es' patience. The first time he's booed, which won't be long, I promise you, he'll quit the show in a hissy. Just watch.
I don't think we should worry too much. The novelty acts usually get voted out around sixth place (see John Stevens, Constantine Maroulis, Kellie Pickler, etc.). No offense to fans of the abovementioned, but they were popular for reasons that had nothing to do with their singing (although each of them were occasionally very good). So I predict that Sanjaya won't last past the final 6; of course, I hope he's gone before then!
Also, Season 2's Carmen Rasmussen. She didn't have *any* decent performances and she got to the Top 6.
I was not surprised to see Chris go. He did so awful Tuesday nite. I agree with Frank, Sanjie's ego is growing & he is going to get ****y. As a matter of fact he did look like a strutting rooster on stage Tuesday with that ****scomb on his head. Well if Tony Bennett nite is coming up I am sure Lakisha & Melinda will do ok because they have old voices but the other kids I am not so sure. It is going to be a tuff nite.
Gwen was great as usual & Akon, well, I was waiting for his pants to fall off for crying out loud.