World Series Fever ... Catch It!!!

Game One of the World Series between the St. Louis Cardinals and the Detroit Tigers begins on Saturday night.

For most of you, that can mean only one thing ... Your favorite FOX shows will finally be back on the air in a couple weeks.

And for FOX, this battle of Midwestern powerhouses will likely mean only one thing ... The Lowest Rated World Series Ever!

If you're uninterested in the World Series, but fear you may find yourself watching a game or two with real fans, here are 10 talking points that will make you seem like you care, complete with sample dialogue to sell the illusion.

1. The Cardinals are representing the National League. The Tigers are representing the American League. If you root against the Tigers, you're rooting against America. You know who roots for the Cardinals? Terrorists.

2. The Cardinals finished the regular season with a record of 83-78, tripping and stumbling into the post-season. To appear smart, occasionally mutter "No National League team even deserved to be in the World Series this year. If you ask me, equal representation by leagues is close to Communism."

3. The Tigers won a much more impressive 95 games this year, but it was only three seasons ago that they lost 119 games, nearly breaking a record. Earn laughs by making an analogy like, "The Tigers winning the World Series this year would be like According to Jim winning the outstanding comedy Emmy next year."

4. The Tigers and Cardinals have met in the World Series before. The two teams played in the 1934 Series and again in 1968. The Cardinals won the 1934 series in seven games, while the Tigers got belated revenge in 1968. For bonus points, mention Dizzy Dean or The Gashouse Gang in the context of the 1934 series and Mickey Lolich in the context of the 1968 series, as in "Hey, these Cardinals are like a new Gashouse Gang!" or "Yeah, I like Kenny Rogers, but he's no Mickey Lolich." No player on either current roster played in either of those two World Series.

5. You know who did play in the 1968 series? FOX announcer Tim McCarver. I think he may mention that once or twice, and since he did bat .333 with a pair of triples, he's entitled. Unfortunately, he's also a bit clueless as a broadcaster. Learn his voice and whenever you hear him talk for more than a sentence, randomly interject, "Well, that didn't make a lick of sense!" Two times out of three, you'll be right.

6. As you may have gathered from a previous tidbit, the Tigers have a pitcher named Kenny Rogers. No, he's not *that* Kenny Rogers, though it's perfectly acceptable to call him "The Gambler" and to rave about his chicken. The alternative is mentioning how the Tigers pitcher mugged a cameraman last year and has a chin that reminds me of Guy Smiley.

7. The Tigers have several young pitchers -- including Justin Verlander and Joel Zumaya -- who throw over 100 miles-per-hour. Watching from home, you won't notice the difference between a 95 mph fastball and a 101 mph fastball, but the announces will be sure to tell you when a pitcher dials up to triple-digits. At that point, appropriate responses include "Damn, he's throwin' cheese," "Snap, my boy Zumaya be dealin'" and "Shoot, Mel Gibson doesn't even drive that fast when he's been drinking!"

8. The Cardinals catcher is Yadier Molina. His brothers Bengie and Jose are both major league catchers as well. If you refer to them as The Catching Molina Brothers, it sounds like they're a circus act. A correct response to Yadier throwing out a runner at second might be, "Momma Molina didn't raise no left fielders!"

9. Cardinals pitcher Jeff Weaver pitched for the redundantly named Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim earlier this season, sharing the rotation with his younger brother Jared, but they sent him backing because they preferred his younger brother. This whole World Series thing probably makes that hurt a little bit less, but it shouldn't keep you from mocking  Jeff.

10. If you happen to notice Harry Dean Stanton in the dugout wearing a fake-looking moustache and perhaps smoking, don't embarrass yourself by making a Repo Man joke. That's just Tigers manager Jim Leyland.

How much of the World Series do you think you'll watch? And who are you rooting for?