'Top Model' Gets Hairy

September 27, 08:01 PM

The locks were flowing and the insults flying in this action-packed second installment of my favorite guilty pleasure.

The first test of strength was the makeover when the requisite pretty girl cried about losing her hair, and then the girls were off to a multi-level makeup challenge in which they had to impress Cover Girl spokesperson Queen Latifah with their face-painting skills. Finally, three weavologists went Hair Wars on the girls by creating outrageous, towering 'dos complete with motorized parts. Oh, and Jay Manuel went completely ape-s**t on the girls for their makeover histrionics.

All that and in-house catfighting that involves possible bodily secretions? I must have been a good girl in my previous life.

Here's how the various girls fared:

A.J. - Makeover: Dark hair lightened to Linda Evangelista ca. 1992. Good because Linda Evangelista 1993 or 1991 would have been so wrong. Hair Wars: Kind of boring effort despite the maroon and white striped mane.

Amanda - Makeover: Deep red (not carroty) dye job, better than her twin's; Hair Wars: Huge scarlet wings creating heart-shaped frame for her face; she chose her good side and did a good job.

Anchal - Makeover: Flattering long layers and threading to raise her hairline. Hair Wars: Excellent job with the Tina Turner/David Bowie a la Labyrinth spiky wig and turquoise eyeshadow. Bonus: This girl is truly fierce. She was in Monique's face for phone-use transgressions and even called her a "stupid bitch"; was voted the Cover Girl of the week from the season premiere.

Brooke - Makeover: Props to Tyra for darkening Brooke's hair to dark chocolate brown -- extremely flattering; Hair Wars: She does alright with a wavy patriotic monstrosity.

Caridee - Makeover: Blondie suddenly became Texan and got big, bouncy hair. Hair Wars: She rocked a fire-engine red 'do, but has to watch out for her strong jaw that makes her look like a drag queen. Unsuprisingly, Tyra doesn't mind that look.

Eugena - Makeover: Romantic, wavy hair extensions. Hair Wars: It was big, sculpted and outrageous; She wasn't. Photographer Tracy Bayne said Eugena couldn't take direction. Bonus: She won the Queen Latifah makeup challenge for her use of color.

Jaeda - Makeover: At breakfast she bragged that her hair grows fast, but cried when it was cut short like Halle Berry's pixie 'do. Hair Wars: Despite a colorful green and yellow basket confection, this girl was bland and colorless.

Megan - Makeover: This Kim-the-lesbian lookalike got a platinum blonde dye job. Hair Wars: A curly blonde mullet/spinning Princess Leia cinnamon buns thing was completely wasted on her weak expressions.

Megg - Makeover: Rocker chick got longer curls -- the better to head bang with. Hair Wars: Huge, platinum blonde pompadour thingy, but indecisive expression.

Melrose - Makeover: Platinum blonde to make her look younger. It sorta works. Hair Wars: Rainbow spiky thing that she actually works pretty well.

Michelle - Makeover: Reddish-orange tint that kinda washes her out. Hair Wars: Despite being the tomboy twin, she still has the posing edge over her sister. She tapped into her inner bird and totally rocked a Toucan Sam look and got props for her mouth-to-shoulder pose.

Monique - Makeover: A longer, wavy weave that I agree isn't much of a change. Hair Wars: A cool, towering, geometric concotion complete with a spinning trophy on the crown. She's completely uninspired for the shoot. Bonus: After Monique was DQ'd in the Queen Latifah challenge, Melrose observed, "Everyone's getting beaten up in the house tonight for sure." Good call. Not only did our girl monopolize the house phone for over three hours (despite Anchal's scolding and getting flashed), but she also allegedly stuck her hand under the towel she was wearing and then flicked the moisture at Melrose, who shrieked, tried to boil off the evil and then compared the odor to "an egg -- no, a 17-year-old spoiled pumpkin." This is what comes of Monique's mom telling her "Repeat after me, 'I am a Princess of the Throne.'"

After a rather undramatic judging ceremony in which it's all about the cummerbund for Tyra's Sweeney Sisters-inspired look, Megan's out. I'm okay with that because she was pretty boring.

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