It was only six months ago that Little Lisa Tucker was eliminated from FOX's "American Idol." At the time, I was a bit sad to see her go, because she was better than several of the remaining singers, but I was even sadder that we could only use a single Tucker-based pun in our eviction headline. Little did I guess that I'd have the opportunity to reuse my brilliantly brainstormed alternative headlines so soon.

Fortunately, pundit and occasional journalist Tucker Carlson was the first celebrity eliminated on "Dancing With the Stars."

Tucker was joined in the bottom three by Shanna Moakler and Willa Ford, with Travis Barker's soon-to-be-ex-wife returning to safety first. Tucker's dismissal, entirely in keeping with his lackluster dancing and obnoxious and ubiquitous smirk, would have let me use the following headlines, if I weren't so lazy:

"Tucker Not-So-Ever-Lasting"
"'Stars' Voters: We're Gonna Git Ya, Tucker"
"With a Name Like Tucker He Had To Be Better"
"Tucker Free City"
"Tucker: The Man and His Dream Deferred"
"Tucker Very Thin" (say it fast and it's a Mark Twain reference)
"There's a Tucker Eliminated Every Minute"
"Plucky Tucker Needs More Luck, er, Votes"
"Into the Frier, Tucker" (say it with a thick British accent and it's a Robin Hood joke)

Would anybody like to toss out any better headlines?

And will anybody actually miss Tucker?

On a side note, how do we feel about the new-ish GAP commercial using footage from Audrey Hepburn in "Funny Face" to entice young women into believing that skinny black pants should be back in style? Is Audrey rolling over in her grave to be shilling for a sell-out clothier and prancing to AC/DC, or is the fact that GAP made a donation to the Audrey Hepburn Children's Fund make the necrophilia somewhat more acceptable?

Comments

Love the GAP ad! Clever, cute, and always full of joy! That's Audrey!

bebes aunt | Sep 14, 2006 1:16:32 AM | #

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Love the GAP ad! Clever, cute, and always full of joy! That's Audrey!

bebes aunt | Sep 14, 2006 1:18:29 AM | #

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How many times are they going to use that song in commercials? At first I thought it was the Razr ad!

BaskEtcAse | Sep 14, 2006 5:15:27 AM | #

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"TUCKER UP AND KISS HIM GOODBYE"

shoparazzi | Sep 14, 2006 7:12:57 AM | #

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I'd miss Tucker if he were a target....'cause I can't shoot!

FAUXneBALONe | Sep 14, 2006 7:14:58 AM | #

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That's funny, BaskEtcAse. At first I thought it was a new iPod/iTunes/iVideo ad.

Lola | Sep 14, 2006 11:20:56 AM | #

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That Gap commercial is blasphemous. I saw it and thought whoever allowed it and thought it up would go to hell.

Vacant Dream | Sep 14, 2006 7:50:53 PM | #

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Love Audrey - hate the Gap ad. She would have never let that ad happen if she were alive.

robyn | Sep 15, 2006 10:42:12 AM | #

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I'm for anything that lets me see Hepburn's lovely face again!

John Mon | Sep 15, 2006 5:50:58 PM | #

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All Tuckered out with with an Idol want to be. I really wish they would not have used that wonderful scene from "Funny Face" to sell Gap-Crap, but I do love to watch Miss Hepburn Dancing away.

ligershark | Sep 16, 2006 7:40:28 AM | #

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What's sad is that Tucker didn't have a heart attack on tape and keel over dead. That would have been worth watching.

Grimli | Sep 16, 2006 11:49:21 PM | #

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As a huge Audrey fan I think she would have gotten a kick out of this ad, and I suppose if we asked her children they would agree. And so what if the Gap uses images of those that have gone on ahead; we all know that Audrey wore black in a classic manner that transcends the world in an infinite way (so why shouldn’t she?), so let the ad celebrate that moment in fashion when Audrey helped inspire a classic as timeless. I have personally worn the little black Gap pant since the last incarnation of them in the 90s; they have, and always will be, the classic woman’s best friend. Furthermore, as a former fashion buyer/junkie, the genius of putting together classic rock, classic pants, and classic Audrey creates an innovative advertisement in a time when TV ads rarely make clear what they are selling. The Gap should claim success for the ad, and hopefully find success at the cash register—basics good, trendy absurd! I’m hoping the Gap will return to the basics, adding an occassional twist of trend that spices up the wardrobe now and then. Maybe they should hire me to assist them with marketing ideas—I am pretty astute when it comes to predicting and manipulating what women want to see in an ad.

I also heard sales weren't as good as expected. Did anyone consider that the Gap sales didn’t soar due to an economy that is slipping? The economy and fashion don’t always have a symbiotic relationship with guarantees. And, sadly, if the full figured gals were offended by the “skinny” pant they need to get over it. If one word sets you off, then you should look for the reason one word annoys you. Is “skinny” the word more offensive than “skinny” the image? Think about it. Fashions come and go with little regard for the size you wear. Fashion is fashion, nothing more. Women of all sizes should wear what they like, what they can, and celebrate fashion in general. There is no room in the world for envying the skinny gals or anyone one else for that matter. WE should celebrate indiduality, independence, and the artistic genius that creates the fashion we love to oggle.

Ari | Oct 15, 2006 11:29:09 AM | #

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