Every contestant has a unique and individual reason for going on American Idol. Many crave music industry stardom, but some would be satisfied with Broadway or a movie role or the chance to eventually host a two-bit cable reality series. For Wednesday's (April 30) bootee Brooke White, though, it almost sounds like Idol was a form of therapy.

Talking to reporters the morning after her Idol elimination, White continues to frankly discuss the confidence issues that occasionally threatened to knock her journey off course.

"I was very honest and open about that struggle I have and, to be honest again, it escalated at times during Idol and other times I felt like I had a better handle on it," she admits. "It was very much a roller-coaster ride. Tuesday I think I felt kinda a resurge of confidence that I hadn't felt in a long time, a lot of joy, gratitude for being in that place, and I think that's what gave me that boost. It felt great and even though I went home, it was wonderful to leave on that note. I know that Simon [Cowell] said it was a nightmare or whatever, but personally I think it was a great moment and I've such incredible support from fans, which also helps to kinda reassure you."

White continues, "Finding that inner confidence is something that's definitely been a struggle for me, but I'm learning and I'm growing and Idol definitely helped me work on that. We always say that this show brings everything to the surface which might be an issue for you and that one is certainly one of them, but I worked through it and I at times had to work through it in a very public way and that's hard. It's a very vulnerable position to be in, but ... to be honest, it feels good to work through it and to face that challenge and work through it."

It's hard to imagine a contestant on a reality show as competitive as Idol doubting his or her ability to sing. Even Sanjaya Malakar probably would said he has a good voice. White, though, says she's never been so sure.

"Definitely I've had comparison issues my whole life," she says. "I didn't start singing until I was a teenager, til I was like David Archuleta's age. And I never thought that I had a nice voice. It wasn't pretty. I thought it just this low, raspy thing and I didn't have a big range and I think I was very intimidated by other singers and especially on American Idol where it's so focused on vocals, I didn't know how well I would do or if I'd survive and often times through rehearsals I'd hear everybody sing and I'd think, 'Wow, how did I get here?' It was amazing and these people are incredible and sometimes it was easy to feel ... intimidated. But you know what? I'm learning that everybody's different."

As White mentioned, her elimination came after a week when Cowell called her rendition of "I'm a Believer" a nightmare and, as you might imagine, facing harsh criticisms like that can be difficult if you're already plagued by fears about your adequacy.

"Not that it always turns out the best, but I always give my best and when you're standing there in a place of vulnerability it's hard to know what you should take and what you should not take," she says. "I think sometimes he has some valid points and sometimes I think his delivery is just plain mean. And I like him. I think he's a good guy... Paula [Abdul] said last night that someone has to give hope to [contestants] for their dreams, someone has to be positive and I think she gets that. And I think Simon comes from another side, that he wants to push you to do your best and his way of doing that is being harsh and very blunt. So that's his style. Sometimes I take it. Sometimes I leave it."

It's no surprise that when asked what she didn't get to do in her Idol time, White says she wishes she'd been able to just stop and enjoy things more.

"Honestly, the pressure was gigantic," she says. "I didn't even tune into the media, I wasn't even into it, but just your own insecurities that you feel throughout the whole thing and the pressure and the workload -- physically, emotionally, mentally -- it's huge. But you still have to try to find a way to enjoy it and I did in so many ways, but sometimes on that stage I just let it get to me. But I gave it all. I totally gave my heart and I have no regrets because of it."

Other highlights from White's exit interview:

On her emotional Wednesday exit: "I kind of anticipated it in a strange way, it was in my gut. I thought I was strong. I really did. I felt so grateful and happy and then Boom, it hit me. This is done. This is over. And the finality of that phase of the experience being over was sad and the fear of going back into the real world and what does the future hold and also excitement, so it was just a lot feels that I guess I was feeling. So yeah it was emotional and I hoped so much that I could have been strong, but you know, I guess I'm an emotional girl and I'm passionate and, I guess, really came across on the stage, because I felt very vulnerable every time."

On Paula Abdul's unexpected prognostications this week: "You know what, it's live television. Anything can happen. I mean, last week I stopped and restarted my song. It's just human moments that happen on the show. And I don't know exactly what happened with Paula, but you know, stuff happens on the show. When it's live, things can change very quickly and they kind of decided in the middle of the show to change something and I'm she just kind of got lost in the moment. You know what? She's a good-hearted woman and you just move on."

On what her own album would be like: "I would love to write, or at least co-write, and kind of build an album around that organic sound -- keep real, keep it raw, keep it fresh. I know it's 2008, so you've got to make it current, but I definitely think that's my avenue. I want to play the piano, I want to play the guitar and I want to be very involved with the music and just connect with people on a very honest level."

On this season's gender gap: "Well, you know what? The boys are awfully popular this year. And I know that because their fan mail came in great humongous stacks and the girls got like three-a-day. It's amazing, but the boys are very talented and very charming. Yeah. Oh to be a boy this year."

Comments

Brooke is truly a beautiful young woman, inside and out, and extremely talented to boot. I wish her well in her future endeavors.

Magnetis | May 1, 2008 4:50:37 PM | #

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Good luck Brooke in no matter what you decide to do.

Penny | May 1, 2008 7:08:34 PM | #

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Brook, u r really cute! Your exit, too bad, was expected sooner or later. Best wishes.

Rethinam | May 1, 2008 7:24:35 PM | #

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Brooke, I sure enjoyed listening to your wonderful voice every week. It was refreshing to hear your unique, lovely voice. I mean, the greatest singers SING their songs, unlike so many of the contestants on American Idol who try to out shout each other. Thanks for the treat of hearing great vocals. I'm looking forward to buying your CDs.

Ellen | May 1, 2008 7:45:52 PM | #

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Brooke, regardless of anything else, we have seen how lovely you are, and heard your heart...never stop singing, never stop trying, never give up... the opportunities that will be presented to you have only just begun... you are in my prayers

Ginger | May 2, 2008 5:34:46 AM | #

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Oh, for the love of God.

She's not a saint, people. I do wish her well in life, but hope she goes back to her day job!

Becky | May 2, 2008 6:16:04 AM | #

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Good luck Brooke!

I was hoping you stay long enough to sing "At 17".

Sing from the Heart Baby.

gilbert | May 2, 2008 7:31:56 AM | #

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You are beautiful and a wonderful person. Smile top five on AM is something to be so proud about. Something wonderful is going to happen to you down the road.

joann | May 2, 2008 7:58:25 AM | #

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Brook, U did a great job on the show. If you want a singing career keep going forward; you`ll make it. U have a beautiful voice and U show your human side which is so good to see in a performer.Wishing you much success with your career.

Dorris | May 2, 2008 8:14:06 AM | #

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Brooke, it was your time to go. Actually it was long over-due. Both you and Jason should be gone and Carly should still be in it. The final 3 should've been: Archuleta, David Cook, and Carly. But due to pity and popularity/avid fanbase some people are hanging around longer than they should... again.

Steve | May 2, 2008 11:58:16 AM | #

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Brooke's official Online Merch Table, courtesy of www.nimbit.com

www.nimbitmusic.com.nrp/brookewhite.1

MattNimbit | May 2, 2008 12:17:56 PM | #

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Brooke I am proud of all the AZ girls that make it. Jordan has done well.

jan | May 2, 2008 3:50:08 PM | #

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Brooke I am proud of all the AZ girls that make it. Jordan has done well.

jan | May 2, 2008 3:50:10 PM | #

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How well spoken and polished this interview is. Not a huge fan by any means, but classy answers here.

John | May 2, 2008 5:16:18 PM | #

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brooke God blsss you

sharon | May 3, 2008 4:02:32 AM | #

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brooke God blsss you

sharon | May 3, 2008 4:02:41 AM | #

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If Brooke wants to try being a boy I'd gladly trade her anytime

TG | May 3, 2008 4:36:00 PM | #

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I think Brooke gave a good interview, but I hope she lightens up and doesn't take herself so seriously. I guarantee you Jason Castro isn't feeling all of this 'enormous' pressure. He just kind of shows up. I think he's a terrible singer, but I admire his attitude in that respect.

Siansonea | May 4, 2008 9:47:43 AM | #

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Brooke, the reason why you are out of American Idol is because you are a true musician. You have a distinctive voice and musical instruments skills. We love your down to earth style and rusticness. You ll soon be sought after by music producers.

Gabrielle | May 4, 2008 2:30:35 PM | #

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she look like faith hill, which is the highest of high of a compliment

The World | May 5, 2008 4:24:17 PM | #

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Magnetis, how do you know Brooke is good 'inside and out'?

Post the pics man, let's see brooke nekkid

slob | May 5, 2008 5:43:06 PM | #

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BROOKE,

WE NEED MORE OF YOU TO CARRY ON THE 60'S AND 70'S KIND OF MUSIC.

ANnamarie moreno | May 5, 2008 10:27:55 PM | #

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BROOKE,

WE NEED MORE OF YOU TO CARRY ON THE 60'S AND 70'S KIND OF MUSIC.

ANnamarie moreno | May 5, 2008 10:28:00 PM | #

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Brooke,

Sure would love to hear you sing Juice Newton's Break It To Me Gently, The Sweetest Thing, and The Queen Of Hearts.
As great as you were singing Carly Simon, I'm sure these would sound just as good from you as well.

Best of luck! :o)

Zurb | May 6, 2008 4:05:53 PM | #

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