Recap: Brooke runs dry on 'American Idol'

After a Tuesday show that saw the musical attributes of the American Idol Top Five overshadowed by Paula Abdul's perplexing and new-found ability to predict the future, which contestant would be heading home on Wednesday (April 30)? And why can't Paula just tell us the results in advance and save me an hour?

8:59 p.m. ET "You know more about these contestants than any other season," Ryan Seacrest says as part of his opening spiel, warning us that somebody will be heading home tonight. But is that really true? I know Jason Castro can't form a complete sentence, Syesha Mercado can cry like a baby, Brooke White can cry like a baby (but in a different way), David Archuleta wants to end world hunger and David Cook has high blood pressure. Is that really so much knowledge?

9:00 p.m. Kristy Lee Cook is in the audience, as pretty as ever. Somehow I don't miss her voice.

9:01 p.m. It appears that 45 million votes were cast last night.

9:02 p.m. The Group Sing is a Tribute to Neil Diamond, starting with "Cracklin' Rose." After several weeks of choreography-free songs, the producers have faced the limitations of what the show should be advertising as the Least Coordinated Top Five Ever. They're asked to, um, switch places on a platform and it looks awkward. The song progresses into "Song Sung Blue" and it's nearly unbearable. Brooke, Syesha and even David all sound dreadful. It's only when we transition to "Brother Love's Travelin' Salvation Show" and David Archuleta is every bit as joylessly cult-friendly as I could have hoped for that the Group Sing finds its spirit. Naturally, that's where it ends.

9:08 p.m. Gina Glocksen and Constantine Maroulis have been in the audience nearly every week, since they're hosting a Fox Reality series. For some reason we've decided that this is the week to draw attention to them and let them plug their product. Nobody asks Ace Young to plug anything. Poor Ace Young.

9:10 p.m. In our 2.5 minute salute to Tuesday's show, will we also give a nod to Paula's augury? I imagine her frantically sifting through the entrails of pigeons during commercial breaks. "Oh, Jason. The signs point to an ill omen in your second performance."

9:11 p.m. The clips of the mid-show judicial interlude skips Paula's prognostication. Ryan has been good about addressing most of this season's scandals that didn't relate to male stripping, so we still have nearly 45 minutes for him to bring it up.

9:12 p.m. Yup. Good Ol' Reliable Ryan. He vaguely addresses his doddering colleague by saying, "The rumors are not true. She's part of our family. And we love her." Wait. That addressed almost none of the rumors, unless you count TMZ's borderline libelous suggestion that just because one  waiter said he served Paula a drink at lunch, she was probably drunk. It didn't even vaguely touch on whether Paula bases her absurdist comments on dress rehearsal performances. Nor did it hint at whether she reads the bumps on contestants' heads before each show to predict their upcoming success or failure.

9:13 p.m. We're already shunting contestants off to Cerberus' Chairs and the Saintly Sofa. Jason Castro is called out first. Clifford the Muppet admits that he didn't necessarily connect to either of his critically shredded Tuesday songs. But it meant nothing. He's safe for another week. And I'm already wondering if I can go watch the Red Sox and the Celtics and return in 45 minutes, save myself some annoyance.

9:14 p.m. Presumptive American Idol Finalist David Archuleta is up next. Without a single trip to the Bottom Three to date, surely Li'l' Archie is safe, right? He admits he could have looked like he was having more fun, but that didn't matter either. He's safe for another week. If I'm being honest, I'd have Archuleta pegged for a surprising trip to the Bottom Three this week, a shocker that would mobilize his fanbase and ease his inevitable run to glory.

9:21 p.m. Cat Deeley is just one of several reasons why it could be easily argued that So You Think You Can Dance! is like American Idol only better. That doesn't mean that I have to sit through an extended commercial for the summer series, not when I could check to see if the C's have remembered how to play basketball.

9:24 p.m. Out next is Presumptive American Idol Finalist David Cook. The Leader has lost a lot of weight in recent weeks. I wish to buy him a pizza, except for what that would do to his blood pressure. The men are all safe tonight, leaving Syesha and The Nanny facing nearly a half-hour of nervous tension.

9:26 p.m. Ryan reads the evaluations for both singers, making like he's actually going to give somebody the boot with 30 minutes to go in the episode. Then he sends them over to the couch under false pretenses, though Brooke earns a laugh with "We'll stay as long as we can."

So who ended up going home?

For the full recap, head over to Zap2it's It Happened Last Night Blog...

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