Telling apart your Week One 'American Idol' blondes
Since the last American Idol winner to actually move albums was Carrie Underwood, it shouldn't be surprising that Idol Season Seven's opening auditions in Dallas and Philadelphia seemed to be a cavalcade of interchangeable attractive blondes with a country twang.
But how is any self-respecting casual Idol observer (not to be confused with this blogger, who is neither casual nor over-burdened with self-respect) supposed to distinguish the Jessica Browns from the Beth Stalkers? The Brooke White's from the Alaina Whitakers?
Fortunately, the judges will make some of that homogeneity a moot point. How many of this week's blondes are likely to make the Top 24? One? Maybe two? No matter how blatantly the Idol production team would love another Underwood (previously mimeographed with moderate success in the form of Kellie Pickler), they aren't going to let the American People select between 15 or 20 undifferentiated Nashville Barbies.
Just in case you're scratching your head, though, here's a YouTube-assisted primer on the Idol Blondes of Week One (listed in this writer's order of estimated Top 24 potentiality).
KRISTY LEE COOK -- Or, "Cage Fighting, Britney Discovered, Allegedly Horse Selling Blonde Hottie"
KADY MALLOY -- Or, "Britney Impersonating, Simon Supported Blonde Hottie"
BROOKE WHITE -- Or, "Twin Nannying, R-rated Movie Avoiding Blonde Hottie"
ALAINA WHITAKER - Or "Carrie Underwood Challenging, Cocky Attitude Having Blonde Hottie"
JESSICA BROWN - Or "Crystal Meth Kicking, Mug Shot Taking, Adversity Conquering Blonde Hottie"
BETH STALKER - Or, "'Jesus Loves Me' Recording, Baby Raising, Last Chance Taking Blonde Hottie"
KAYLA HATFIELD - Or, "Accident Surviving, Joplin Copying, Life Living Half-Faced Blonde Hottie"
ALEXIS COHEN - Or, "Already Eliminated, Glitter Loving, Grace Slick Copying, Obscenity Spewing Blonde Not-Quite Hottie"
Stay tuned to Zap2it's Guide to American Idol for more helpful public services.
[THIS COMMENT CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR 'IDOL' EVENTS THAT HAVE ALREADY TAKEN PLACE, BUT HAVEN'T AIRED. -Ed.]
Or... you could just remember the ones still left in the competition: Brooke, Alaina, Kristy, and Kady.
The Top 24 is chosen this week, so we'll know for sure who is in and our very soon.
the others were eliminated in Hollywood.
You're totally correct, SirMac. And I *also* have read the same sites you have.
I operate under the ***umption, however, that not all of the 30 million people watching "American Idol" are also scouring the blogosphere looking to have the entire first six weeks of the process spoiled for them...
-Daniel
As someone who actually likes to watch the show, I really don't need comments about who got eliminated weeks before it airs.
Not slamming on AI spoliers but thought I would share this -- I would love it if I could watch one reality show and it not have spoilers. Is that even possible? We have them for Big Brother from the people watching the feeds, AI, Survivor, etc. I read some of them because they are out there and I feel lost if I am not "in the know" like everyone else. Too bad we can't all enjoy the surprise at the same time...just one show.
Many thanks for that spoiler warning, but much better yet would be to eliminate tha post.
wat up?? GOOD singing!!!!!
Hey ya'll I just want to get the word out because I think this is an awesome opportunity for someone who knows they can be the next american idol but can't afford to get to an audition. This site I came across will send you all expenses paid. So if you are talented enough to get to Hollywood check it out. http://www.americanidol-auditions.com/ Good Luck!!